Archive for September 17th, 2009

17
Sep
09

Because “Super Sexgenius Master” Wouldn’t Fit

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Hockey
Tags: , ,

sexsmithNow, I’m no San Jose Sharks fan — except for former Bruin Jumbo Joe Thornton — but if I were to be buying any NHL jerseys this season I think this young man’s would be my choice.

I understand how families long ago got names like Miller, Cooper, Brewer, etc, so you can only imagine why the Sexsmith’s acquired their name.

Walking around in a Sexsmith jersey just has to be the absolute TITS. You definitely get laid just from that. And if things don’t work out so well for Tyson in the NHL, he has an easy transition into the porn world.

[Sharks]

17
Sep
09

Steve Perry Doesn’t Get it How He Wants It

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Pop Culture
Tags: , , , ,

steve_perryJourney frontman Steve Perry is a die-hard San Francisco Giants fan, so it was a large amount of chagrin that he discovered that one his most iconic songs has been hijacked by the Los Angeles Dodgers.

During every 8th inning the Dodgers now play a karaoke version of Journey’s hit, “Don’t Stop Believing,” most likely a ploy by Dr. Charles Steinberg — the former Red Sox PR man who popularized the playing of “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway.

Perry when he goes to games at Chavez Ravine now finds that he leaves games before the 8th so as to avoid hearing his work bastardized. “It tweaks me to know they’re using the song as a rally song.” He told a San Francisco reporter, “I really wish we’d [the Giants] have hijacked it first. I think the song is about hope and power, and it’s working for them, damn it.”

[LAist]

17
Sep
09

Dunta Robinson Wants to Get Paid

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , , ,

nfl_a_robinson_195Houston Texan cornerback Dunta Robinson is on the verge of poverty; making a mere guaranteed $9.957 million this season how can he reasonably be expected to survive on such a pittance?

Recognizing his hardships, Dunta took to his shoes to make a statement, writing on his cleats a message to team GM Rick Smith: “Pay me Rick.”

Smith offered a different solution, “Pay ME Dunta,” fining him for conduct detrimental to the team.

“I got here today, and it was in my locker,” Robinson said,  “I knew it was coming because Rick told me [Monday] I was going to get fined.  That’s okay.  I’ve put it behind me.  I’ve moved on.  I’m focused on the Titans.”

The fun won’t end there as the No-Fun-League offices are likely to hand down another fine for Dunta for violating the uniform guidelines.

[Pro Football Talk]

17
Sep
09

Does This Count as a Lemon Party?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , ,

ric_Flair_02Because there is nothing in life better than watching old men roll around with one another, Ric Flair is set to wrestle Hulk Hogan starting in November.

Sure, Hogan is a mere 56 years old, but Flair rolls in at a robust 63. Now the two AARP-eligible wrasslers are going to square off against each other first in Australia and then in several other international locales. Wooo! 

You’d be forgiven for thinking Flair was retired, since he he held a retirement match in March of ’08 and then was given a send-off, but that won’t keep the Nature Boy down.

hulk-hoganReportedly Flair is, you guessed it, BROKE. And since Hogan has been undergoing a nasty divorce, this probably seems like the best idea for the two aging former superstars to make some scrilla. Of course, there’s plenty of history between these two, Flair for instance hammered Hulk in his book accusing Hogan of attempting to shoot Ric’s son and sabotaging Flair’s WCW career. 

Even better, the Australian tour and the future shows are supposed to become also a REALITY SERIES! Since that’s worked so well for Hulk so far…

[Camel Clutch]

17
Sep
09

Well, This is Awkward

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Other Sports, Random and Television
Tags: ,

While this clip isn’t new, it’s new to me, and I love awkward moments more than anything and this is about as awkward as they come.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a longer, more uncomfortable, shocked pause than this one.

17
Sep
09

Honesty Isn’t Always the Best Policy

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , , ,

steve-smith-angrySteve Smith is a star receiver for the Carolina Panthers and isn’t known for being a wall-flower. Just last season he broke a teammate’s jaw in practice for talking smack.

Amidst his starting QB throwing 4 interceptions, Smith sat down with Jake Delhomme while wearing a wire. As the quarterback you’re supposed to be in control, instead Delhomme apologizes to Smith for his errant throws, and Smith has a strange response.

“I never really liked you as a quarterback. ” Smith tells him, “But as a person . . . I love you as a person.”

How touching!

The best part is that Delhomme just sat there and took it. What a leader!

[Pro Football Talk]

17
Sep
09

The Heart is Connected to the Groin?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Hockey
Tags: , ,

sweden+v+Czech+Republic+IIHF+World+Championship+2bCLuuFfVT-lTrying to win the backup job for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Jonas Gustavsson has been sidelined with a heart problem. After having a racing heartbeat after fitness tests, Gustavsson was sidelined.

Team doctors then performed an ablation, which for some reason involves an incision in the groin.

“They go in and touch a part of his heart that was misfiring,” said coach Ron Wilson. “It’s a simple procedure that’s actually fairly common with athletes.”

Everyone was surprised by this issue coming up, since Gustavsson was “the most powerful guy we had” for several of the fitness tests Wilson said.

Um, since when is the easiest way to a guy’s heart through the groin? I thought that was the easiest way to new jewelry.
[TSN]

17
Sep
09

“Ooh Baby I Love Your Way”

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Hockey and Hot Women
Tags: , ,

NHL/

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

September 2009
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

Categories