Archive for September 17th, 2009


Because “Super Sexgenius Master” Wouldn’t Fit

sexsmithNow, I’m no San Jose Sharks fan — except for former Bruin Jumbo Joe Thornton — but if I were to be buying any NHL jerseys this season I think this young man’s would be my choice.

I understand how families long ago got names like Miller, Cooper, Brewer, etc, so you can only imagine why the Sexsmith’s acquired their name.

Walking around in a Sexsmith jersey just has to be the absolute TITS. You definitely get laid just from that. And if things don’t work out so well for Tyson in the NHL, he has an easy transition into the porn world.



Steve Perry Doesn’t Get it How He Wants It

steve_perryJourney frontman Steve Perry is a die-hard San Francisco Giants fan, so it was a large amount of chagrin that he discovered that one his most iconic songs has been hijacked by the Los Angeles Dodgers.

During every 8th inning the Dodgers now play a karaoke version of Journey’s hit, “Don’t Stop Believing,” most likely a ploy by Dr. Charles Steinberg — the former Red Sox PR man who popularized the playing of “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway.

Perry when he goes to games at Chavez Ravine now finds that he leaves games before the 8th so as to avoid hearing his work bastardized. “It tweaks me to know they’re using the song as a rally song.” He told a San Francisco reporter, “I really wish we’d [the Giants] have hijacked it first. I think the song is about hope and power, and it’s working for them, damn it.”



Dunta Robinson Wants to Get Paid

nfl_a_robinson_195Houston Texan cornerback Dunta Robinson is on the verge of poverty; making a mere guaranteed $9.957 million this season how can he reasonably be expected to survive on such a pittance?

Recognizing his hardships, Dunta took to his shoes to make a statement, writing on his cleats a message to team GM Rick Smith: “Pay me Rick.”

Smith offered a different solution, “Pay ME Dunta,” fining him for conduct detrimental to the team.

“I got here today, and it was in my locker,” Robinson said,  “I knew it was coming because Rick told me [Monday] I was going to get fined.  That’s okay.  I’ve put it behind me.  I’ve moved on.  I’m focused on the Titans.”

The fun won’t end there as the No-Fun-League offices are likely to hand down another fine for Dunta for violating the uniform guidelines.

[Pro Football Talk]


Does This Count as a Lemon Party?

ric_Flair_02Because there is nothing in life better than watching old men roll around with one another, Ric Flair is set to wrestle Hulk Hogan starting in November.

Sure, Hogan is a mere 56 years old, but Flair rolls in at a robust 63. Now the two AARP-eligible wrasslers are going to square off against each other first in Australia and then in several other international locales. Wooo! 

You’d be forgiven for thinking Flair was retired, since he he held a retirement match in March of ’08 and then was given a send-off, but that won’t keep the Nature Boy down.

hulk-hoganReportedly Flair is, you guessed it, BROKE. And since Hogan has been undergoing a nasty divorce, this probably seems like the best idea for the two aging former superstars to make some scrilla. Of course, there’s plenty of history between these two, Flair for instance hammered Hulk in his book accusing Hogan of attempting to shoot Ric’s son and sabotaging Flair’s WCW career. 

Even better, the Australian tour and the future shows are supposed to become also a REALITY SERIES! Since that’s worked so well for Hulk so far…

[Camel Clutch]


Well, This is Awkward

While this clip isn’t new, it’s new to me, and I love awkward moments more than anything and this is about as awkward as they come.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a longer, more uncomfortable, shocked pause than this one.


Honesty Isn’t Always the Best Policy

steve-smith-angrySteve Smith is a star receiver for the Carolina Panthers and isn’t known for being a wall-flower. Just last season he broke a teammate’s jaw in practice for talking smack.

Amidst his starting QB throwing 4 interceptions, Smith sat down with Jake Delhomme while wearing a wire. As the quarterback you’re supposed to be in control, instead Delhomme apologizes to Smith for his errant throws, and Smith has a strange response.

“I never really liked you as a quarterback. ” Smith tells him, “But as a person . . . I love you as a person.”

How touching!

The best part is that Delhomme just sat there and took it. What a leader!

[Pro Football Talk]


The Heart is Connected to the Groin?

sweden+v+Czech+Republic+IIHF+World+Championship+2bCLuuFfVT-lTrying to win the backup job for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Jonas Gustavsson has been sidelined with a heart problem. After having a racing heartbeat after fitness tests, Gustavsson was sidelined.

Team doctors then performed an ablation, which for some reason involves an incision in the groin.

“They go in and touch a part of his heart that was misfiring,” said coach Ron Wilson. “It’s a simple procedure that’s actually fairly common with athletes.”

Everyone was surprised by this issue coming up, since Gustavsson was “the most powerful guy we had” for several of the fitness tests Wilson said.

Um, since when is the easiest way to a guy’s heart through the groin? I thought that was the easiest way to new jewelry.

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September 2009