Archive for September 28th, 2009

28
Sep
09

It’s Time To Spray Some Dudes!

It’s clinching season around the majors and as teams finalize their playoff spots they take the opportunity to pop some champagne and celebrate. Now, I for one am getting annoyed, and bored, with the constant celebration, great, you’re in, do you need the champagne buckets? Super, you won the ALDS, why not save the celebrating for something more meaningful. Champagne should be limited to winning the pennant or the World Series, nothing else.

Although, it is hard to pass up ejaculatory-like sprays of liquor on a teammate…

cardscelebrate625sept27

At least the Cardinals just celebrated with beer, but then, when you play in St. Louis and play in Busch Stadium I don’t suppose you have much choice… I just hope that after the Red Sox clinch (tonight?) they do so in an appropriate manner.

28
Sep
09

We Need More Shots of Face-Painted Fans With Signs

Via the funny folk over at Cracked comes this handy pie chart finally showing us exactly what we are seeing when we watch football on television. I think they drastically undercount the amount of time spent watching truck commercials, but otherwise I don’t have any quibbles. Make sure you check out and read the full article, because, you know, it’s funny!

summary_image[Cracked]

28
Sep
09

She Must Be Holding it For Someone Else

Nicely done¬†Des Moines Register, together we can all promote underage drinking! I for one am SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to find out that a college student not aged 21 was drinking any sort of alcohol. Although, now that I think about it, does Keystone Light even really count as beer, I mean, it’s like 98 % water anyways…

UnderageDrinker[Des Moines Register]

28
Sep
09

Meet the NBA’s Newest Owner

If you’re going to be a billionaire, be a Russian one; they seem to have the most fun. First off, they naturally are well-suited to become Bond villains, which is always fun, and then there is the seeming lawlessness that is the Russian government which allows you to make billions more. Win-win!

For instance, here is Mikhail Prokhorov, the soon-to-be new majority owner of the New Jersey Nets just hanging out on his jet-ski doing some tricks. Because you know, what the hell else does he got to do, the man is 6′ 7″, made several billions of dollars in his mid-20s and is already essentially an oligarch.

I just hope he brings the jet-ski and does tricks during half-times. Let’s go Brooklyn!

[Sports by Brooks]

28
Sep
09

You Have to Protect What’s Important to You

University of Minnesota’s Simoni Lawrence’s hustle doesn’t stop, he follows the play all the way to the sidelines no matter what the personal cost. If it means falling into the sticks on the sidelines, so be it; if it means telling your coach “Motherfucker hit my penis,” and then walking it off, so be it. At the least your coach will appreciate you using a clinical ¬†term for your man-cannon rather than some colloquial slang.

28
Sep
09

Flipping Over NASCAR

The only good thing about NASCAR is that when the drivers crash their cars, it’s usually spectacular. Really, how often will you ever see a man flip about 9 times and then have the wherewithal to put his sponsor’s hat on before he gets out, unharmed? Ta-DA!

I do think they’re coddling these drivers too much, if this guy can walk away from that wreck without a scratch there’s simply too much hubris involved. The gods won’t be taunted for long.

28
Sep
09

The End is Near for the Lingerie Football League

LFLPostponed

On October 2nd, the famed Chicago Bliss were supposed to take on the NY Majesty in a regular-season contest for the nascent Lingerie Football League, unfortunately, due to “issues with NY’s facility” the game has been postponed for 6 weeks. This bodes well for the future success of the league…Particularly since the league has otherwise been relentlessly promoting itself and in this instance tried to slip this bit of news past the press; in fact there’s really been NO coverage of this at all. Strange since the most-likely reason the game was canceled was the lack of ticket-sale, it’s almost like the LFL doesn’t want anyone to know…

Stay tuned, America won’t be the envy of the world if we can’t keep our vital struggling sports leagues alive…




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