The Slanch Report

Jack Wilson, the all-glove no-hit shortstop of the Pittsburgh Pirates is frustrated by the never ending losing and wants to see the Pirates actually succeed for once.

“The only thing I wish we could do was compete. I wish we could go out and get some more players to make our team competitive. And, you know…that’s going to be my new focus on the Internet: Instead of looking for my name and where I might go, hopefully, we might get some players. Because we need them.”

Now, to be fair, he’s right the Pirates DO need players, thus far their biggest off-season moves have been signing utility scrub Ramon Vazquez and resigning catcher Ryan Doumit. Not exactly headline news…Then again, seeing that the Pirates are paying $7.25 million this year for Jack Wilson, who has a career OPS+ of 78(!!!!!), a player who in 8 years has NEVER had an OPB above .350 or really been anything better than MEDIOCRE at the plate for 6 of 8 years. But yeah, the Pirates need to get some players. No. They need to get rid of STUPID contracts and useless one-dimensional players who play premium positions.

“I wanted to make sure that, if I was giving up a couple years of free agency, I had a chance of competing. That’s one of the main things that went into my signing that piece of paper [his 3 year extension signed in 2006], that we’d compete,” Wilson said, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “Since I signed that, that hasn’t happened. We’ve lost key players who were going to be part of that team they were talking about. They are now gone.”

Yes, they have lost key players, like Jason Bay, but otherwise, Xavier Nady and Jeff Suppan are probably the biggest losses since he’s been on the team and I think any good baseball fan will agree that neither of those players are people you want to base a team around.

Wilson continued being completely wrong when he told the paper, “The biggest thing stressed over the past year was accountability. That includes everybody in the organization, as far as having accountability for themselves and in wanting to win. It’s not just the players.” Sure, accountability is great, does that mean you’ll be returning some of the $20 million dollars you’ll have earned over the last 4 years seeing that the closest players careers to yours include such luminaries as Adam Kennedy, Christian Guzman and DEIVI CRUZ!!!! (comparison score of 942!!!!!!!) Anytime you’re mentioned in the same breath with Deivi Cruz (whose career OPS+ was, you guessed it 78!)  is NOT a good thing.

Hey Jack, shut the fuck up, your team has been desperately trying to unload you for the last three years and have been unable to find a taker because of the sheer ridiculousness of your salary. You want to help the Pirates, tell them you want to be paid what you deserve, the league minimum and have them pay the 7 million they owe you to someone who can actually PLAY baseball. You know, like hit the ball and stuff. I know it is EXTREMELY hard for you, but most professional ballplayers are able to do that…

Also, your mouth is terrifying looking, that smile/sneer thing of yours is truly hideous. You should NEVER been seen in HD.