Archive for December, 2008


That Doesn’t Mean What You Think it Does…

The Hawaii Bowl featured a match up between Hawaii and perennial bowl game loser Notre Dame and, amazingly somehow, Notre Dame pulled out a victory. It just might have saved Charlie Weis’ job. At least for a couple more days…

Anyways, during the game, Dave Pasch, one of the announcers made a slightly bizarre statement that I don’t think was what he intended to say.

Yeah, that means something very different than what you meant Mr. Pasch.

Unless you could see something that we can’t from the TV broadcast…


Today in 90s Family Television

This weekend’s San Diego Chargers and Denver Broncos game is a battle for supremacy of the AFC West and the bad blood between these teams is spilling over into a war of words. A strange war of words. For instance, take this bit of trash talk from Chargers defensive end Jacques Cesaire:

They have bad teeth. They have bad hair. They don’t know how to cook. What else don’t I like about them? They watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Who does that? Who watches Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? That’s what I want to know. I heard the Denver Broncos watch it. I’m just sayin’.

I’m not quite sure how that is supposed to scare or intimidate the Broncos, but then again, Cesaire is a 2nd string D-Lineman who isn’t particularly good in the first place. Don’t worry though, he wasn’t done.

For the most part, I have no problem with those guys. Some guys might. I mean, obviously the quarterback (Jay Cutler), from what he’s saying about my quarterback (Philip Rivers), I have a little problem with him. But my biggest complaint with him is that he looks like Ringo Starr, you know? I’m just not feeling his haircut.

Take a look at Cutler sometimes. He has like this shag look going. I don’t even know what it’s called. I was just looking at his press conference the other day after the game. He had on this overgrown suit jacket. It was like ‘Come on, man. Let’s get it together.’

When asked what he might say to Cutler if he were to sack him, Cesaire responded with a one word answer, “supercuts.”

Teammates on the Chargers, like Luis Castillo were not in a rush to get behind Cesaire’s comments, worried that he might have given the Broncos some bulletin board material. However, I feel fairly confident that the Broncos are not going to be extra energized just because some scrub accused them of watching “Dr Quinn,” after all, Jane Seymour is a good looking lady, even still, and besides, that show was pretty good. I’m not ashamed to say that when I recently saw the complete series box set available at Costco I seriously considered getting it. I didn’t but I thought about it.

OK. I’m kinda ashamed about that.
[Sign On San Diego]


Europeans Know How to Party

Somehow my press invitation must have gotten lost, but last weekend, in Amsterdam no less, was the European pole dancing championships. Ladies from Albania to Spain took to the pole to show off their acrobatic skills on two different poles, one in a fixed location and one that rotated, I suppose to add to the challenge and drama.

“Everything which we do requires so much strength. You train your legs and your muscles. It has nothing to do with eroticism. You have no time to think of that!” said Jeannine Wikering, a 26-year-old competitor from Germany who, probably FOR that reason finished third. “I think one day it should be an Olympic sport — but that will take time. You would have to agree which moves on which to judge competitors, at the moment we all have such different routines,” she added. Of course, she’s not the only one who wants to make it an Olympic event as we’ve already seen.

Galina Troschenko, 36 (above), of Spain took home top honors, evidently impressing the judges with her acrobatic displays. “I’ve only been doing this for three years, but I suppose I have a background as a dancer,” she said.

Now here’s my question, what inspires a 33 year old woman to start pole dancing, and then to do it competitively? What was going on in her life that led to this path? I want answers!

Kenneth Tao, one of the several hundred audience members had this to say after the event, “I didn’t see anything which I thought was erotic. It was gymnastic. I was watching their choreography in particular.”

In other news, Kenneth Tao only reads the Playboy articles and finds the most erotic part of a woman her brain. I do too, but usually I have the brain in a jar sitting on my desk….

[Champions 365]


Happy Hannukah!

To celebrate Hannukah, how about a bad local news reporter with awkward interviews with NBA stars who don’t know anything about Hannukah. Top it off with a random Paris Hilton bit that makes no sense. Local news, where the best come to play!

[Coed Magazine]


We Destroy the Ones We Love

Isn’t it crazy that this is what we all look like on the inside?

The slow deconstruction of Shea Stadium continues. Today, check out the bowels! For more from this gallery, go here.



Stick Save, and a BEAUTY

Patrick Elias likes scoring goals, in fact, that’s part of his job. Tim Thomas did his job last night better than Elias.


Fuck the Yankees

While I’m disappointed to see the Yankees land Mark Teixeira, this doesn’t change my outlook for the 2009 Boston Red Sox. However, the 2010-2017 teams I’m a bit more concerned about. Of COURSE the Yankees swoop in at the last minute and sign Teixeira, it’s a great move by Brian Cashman, let everyone else get bogged down in daily rumors and innuendo, and then, when the heavy lifting has been done, bring me the best offer and I’ll beat it. That’s just smart business. Out of all the teams that were pursuing him, no one needed Tex more than the Yankees or the Angels. Now the Angels are SOL and announced that they aren’t going to go after Manny Ramirez, meaning that their offense looks to struggle once more without protection for Vladdy.

With the signing of Teixeira the Yankees now have the 4 highest paid players in MLB on their team. A-Rod, CC, Tex and Cap’n Jetes. Wow. Based on the reports, the deal is for 8 years for $180 million, which brings the Yankees offseason spending on a grand total of three players to $423 million. That’s a lot! Oh, and the Yankees infield now makes approximately $75 million just on their own. Yikes!

The good news for Sox fans is that presumably Mike Lowell stays now! So that’s neat, for the next year or two. Sigh. Lars Anderson our power-hitting first base prospect better pay off… It looks like the free agent contract for Joe Mauer (free agent agent at the end of the 2010 season) is going to be RIDICULOUS! Otherwise, it looks like the Sox are left with the one that brung them to the dance.

At least now I can think 0ut loud all the negative things about Teixeira that I was trying to talk myself out of when this whole business began. For example, since he left the hitter’s park in Texas he hasn’t been the same power-wise. He’s not a centerpiece player, he’s a strong complementary one, and not really worth $22.5 million for the production he provides, maybe 18-19. Teixeira has been an All-Star all of ONCE and he’s been nowhere near an MVP award. My other big concern is that Teixeira is brutal in the early months of the year, and while he powers up later in the season, I wonder how he’ll handle it in the very different weather of the Northeast as compared to Atlanta and Texas. While he had a very nice OPB during the playoffs this year, besides making a great play with the glove, he did little besides hit singles and get walks and so he did pretty much nothing to help his team score runs.

Fortunately, now Tex and A-Rod can together destroy the Yankees in the postseason.

The one thing this signing deprives us of is the hilarious Teixeira press conference after signing with the Nationals where he would have said it was about coming home and nothing to do with them offering him more money. Now he can say he came to NY for the mystique and to win and no one will begrudge him, so his public image can remain blemish-free. Unfortunately, now I have 8 years of looking at Tex in pinstripes and wondering what could have been.

Teixeira and A-Rod only played one season together in Texas, but they combined for 73 HRs and 202 RBIs, and that was Tex’s rookie season. I expect the two of them to roughly hit 400-500 HRs combined over the length of their deals.

So long Tex. Now I hate you and your horse face.


Belichick Gets Mic’d for Practice

This video from isn’t super informative, but it was interesting to see parts of Bill Belichick at practice with the Patriots. I especially like when he’s talking to Jerod Mayo and asks him why he needs another car and Randy Moss yells out, “that’s first round money!” I also really appreciate Belichick asking Mayo if he wants to get a Volvo and Mayo saying, “nope!” Anyhoo, enjoy!

ed. to add:

Ok, the video for some reason isn’t embedding, but go to the link above, or click HERE and you can see the video on the NFL website.


Young Man, There’s No Need to Feel Down

dsc_0234First of all the Sun Bowl is no longer just the Sun Bowl, now, it’s the Brut Sun Bowl, which I suppose makes all the difference. In order to add to the manly image of the game, at this year’s Sun Bowl which features the Beavers of Oregon State up against the Pittsburgh Panthers, the bowl organizers are going for a Guinness World Record, the most people singing “YMCA” at one time.

“‘YMCA’ is such a fan-friendly song, that we decided if we can get the entire crowd at Sun Bowl Stadium involved, it would be a way to get El Pasoans involved in a Guinness World Record,” said Bernie Olivas, executive director of the Sun Bowl Association. “We realize that it is just a small footnote in life, but what a neat way to remember our 75th anniversary.”

In order to make the experience all that much more memorable and to lead the crowd in the singing are none other than the Village People themselves. Amazingly, they were available.

The Village People, who are celebrating their own anniversary, 30 years, will perform alongside 325 dancers and be followed by performances by the schools’ marching bands.

The previous record for the largest crowd singing “YMCA” was on July 4, 2001 when 13,588 fans rocked out to the song for 5 minutes at a baseball game between the Omaha Spikes and the Salt Lake Stingers at Johnny Rosenblatt Stadium in Omaha, Nebraska.

Way to stick it to Nebraska, Brut!

[Sun Bowl]


See Baseball on the Cheap

Prior to the official opening of the new Yankee Stadium and the unending printing of money that will ensure, the Yankees organization is actually doing something nice for the fans. On April 3 and 4 the Yankees will be playing exhibition games against the Chicago Cubs and as a gift to the fans there are several ticket deals. Fans who have full-season ticket licenses will get free tickets for the games, partial plan people will get the first opportunity to purchase tickets and the individual tickets won’t exceed $50. OK, that’s kind of nice, but still not a great deal for those in the population who don’t have a lot of thousand of dollars to spend on season tickets. For everyone else, how about tickets in the bleachers for 25 and grandstand for 110. Not bad right. Oh, I should mention that is 25 CENTS and 110 CENTS not dollars, the same price as at the opening of the original Yankee Stadium in 1923.

I don’t like to praise the Yankees, for anything, but this is a pretty good deal. Sure, it’s only for two games, exhibition ones at that, but they are also the first games to be played at the new stadium and that ordinary fans might be able to go for that cheap is pretty awesome. Of course, scalpers will probably swallow the cheap seats all up and ordinary fans will be left paying an arm and a leg again but, at least the idea is nice…



Shakespeare Presents: Plaxico

You can call me a dork, but this piece from McSweeney’s makes me very happy. Titled “Recovered Scenes from the Tragedy Plaxico by William Shakespeare” it is both hilarious and smart, just like me! If you don’t read this, then you’re just an asshole.

I particularly like the Eli Manning soliloquy:

Act III, scene iv.

The Meadowlands, locker room.


O Miasma, rank with sweat unlaunder’d!
Effluvium most foul, I have thee ponder’d.
All my vict’ries—aye, today’s included—
Are, with odors stale, at last concluded.
Always thus: to men of great conceiving
Parasitic stench is ever cleaving.
Could Alexander, in his conquest wide,
Lack e’er the scent of flesh’s crimson tide?
Or awesome Khan, unmatch’d in worldly earning,
Escape the fetid balm of Asia burning?
And so, unslak’d, each triumph of ambition
Is companied by fragrance of perdition.
Verily, this soul is parch’d with wanting—
Plaxico, thy glory is my haunting!
I have a brother’s shadow overstepp’d,
And from repute to fool so stead’ly crept.
The barber has with insult grown absurd,
And obsolete the writer’s scornful word.
But, though I’m toasted past what thirst could bear,
The spirits are a swill I cannot share.
Alas, that nature is so firm affix’d,
And not with wisdom’s fairer visage mix’d!
But by the very devil am I urg’d
To fast assure that Plaxico is purg’d;
And, being to my cause so tightly bound,
I hereby cease to plead the wav’ring sound.
Forsooth, this loaded gun shall serve as arm
By which his head is lock’d in crux of harm.
I wrap it now in semblance of a gift
And set it in our locker room adrift,
Where’pon it be discover’d and display’d
And as a nameless gift to him convey’d.
And bless us, Fortune: dimly Plaxico
Shall bear the arm unwittingly, and so,
In time unholy, wholly walk red-handed,
Likewise caught, and as a sinner branded.
Tolerance would not be further carried—
A vain receiver’s legend thus is buried!

And, should this hatchèd plot take wing and fly,
I am the apple o’ the Apple’s eye.


Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

Generally the only time you ever hear anything about an offensive lineman is when they get a penalty or give up a sack, but today we are here to praise one. Damion McIntosh is the left tackle on the Kansas City Chiefs and while their season has been consistently inconsistent, he gave the Chiefs fans one reason to cheer during their game against the Dolphins. Watch him as he goes into the secondary and just DEMOLISHES the DBs with two devastating blocks. It’s gotta be pretty awesome to be that big and be able to throw people around like that. I mean, I could do that, I just you know, um, don’t…

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December 2008