Archive for March, 2008

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27
Mar
08

“Barry Who? Never Heard of Him…”

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Conspiracies and Douches
Tags: , , ,

The San Francisco Giants have purified their stadium and removed all images and remnants of Barry Bonds from the premises. Certainly now no one will ever associate the two together again.

As Barry slowly approaches trial for perjury it seems that the team wants no negative connotations to overwhelm what should be the worst or second worst team in all of baseball. It is not like, without Barry Bonds, that incredible stadium of theirs wouldn’t exist right? Or that the only reason that the team got any coverage in the last few years was because of Barry.

Continue reading ‘“Barry Who? Never Heard of Him…”’

27
Mar
08

I Can Do Tricks With My Balls Too…

By slanch 9 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Random and Soccer
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Check out these ridiculous moves done by some kids in Mexico, even if you don’t like soccer, they’re pretty amazing.

How much do you have to trust your friend to do that kick off the head that is 45 seconds in?

You should see me with a Ping-Pong Paddle, I can totally bounce it for like 80 times in a row, so that’s similar…

27
Mar
08

Annual Rite of the MLB Season #42

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Fantasy
Tags: , , , , , ,
Today, the San Diego Padres as expected placed Mark Prior on the 60-day DL while he rehabs from shoulder surgery. For Prior this is a return to a place he knows best, having been on the DL at some point every year since 2003 and hasn’t pitched a full season since Dusty Baker destroyed his career and future that same year.

I for one hope that he comes back. I’ve always like Prior because his curve ball is sick, his mechanics are flawless and because I drafted him in the first round of a fantasy draft like an idiot in 2004. Also, I drafted him this year in one of my fantasy leagues as my final pick, and think that, if he can be healthy, we could see maybe 8-11 wins and 130 Ks from June forward. Maybe.

Possibly.

Continue reading ‘Annual Rite of the MLB Season #42’

27
Mar
08

A-Rod Simply “Not Bright Enough”

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Conspiracies and Douches
Tags: , , , , ,

In today’s NY Post there is an interview with former bullpen catcher Mike Borzello of the Yankees about Jose Canseco’s most recent steroid allegations against Alex Rodriguez. According to Borzello, who says that “nobody in the last four years, including his wife because she wasn’t on the road, spent more time with Alex than I did,” and that there is simply no way that A-Rod did any illegal performance enhancing drugs.

During the period that Canseco details Borzello didn’t know A-Rod but he claims that Rodriguez might have an occasional beer, but otherwise is “afraid of drugs and alcohol.” Therefore, to Borzello’s mind, there is simply no way that Canseco can be telling the truth.

“In four years I was with him 24 hours a day, and not one time did I ever hear, see or get wind of anything having to do with performance enhancing drugs, steroids, HGH, anything. No way, with as much as this guy trusted me, would he have kept that part of his life secret from me. He trusted me with everything, and I was with him every day all day long. It would have been impossible to show me everything behind the curtain except for this. He is not that bright to be able to pull that off.” [emphasis added]

Continue reading ‘A-Rod Simply “Not Bright Enough”’

27
Mar
08

We’re All Gonna Die!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Conspiracies, Poor Governing and Random
Tags: , , ,

Scientists have announced that a giant 1500 year old block of ice broke off from the Wilikens ice shelf in Antarctica. The block of ice–9 times the size of Manhattan–itself is no great danger to humans, but is a disturbing sign of things to come and portends to rises in the ocean levels that would cause massive disaster zones.

I’m trying to do my part and am going to start sharing rides in my whip from now on.

Carpool lane!
26
Mar
08

Who Went to Jail for YOUR Birthday?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Basketball and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

Denver Nuggets (I love the Nugs!) star Carmelo Anthony has a one year old son named Kiyan, and for his birthday on March 7th, Carmelo arranged for his personal chef to make a special cake for the day. Unfortunately, Chef Daniel Paul Young ran a stop sign on his way to the party with the cake in his car. Even more unfortunate, Young was wanted for back payments on his child support, which meant that instead of just a ticket he was ticketed for jail. Ever the consummate professional, Young put aside the concerns for his own well-being and made one request for leniency, for the cake. Allowed to call someone, he arranged for a friend to come pick the cake up and help make little Kiyan Anthony’s birthday as memorable as it possibly can be for a 1 year old. Now that’s a dedicated employee!

kiyan-anthony
Carmelo and Kiyan Anthony
Chef Young
26
Mar
08

Another Example of Why No One Cares for Hockey

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Funny and Hockey
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Montreal Toronto Maple Leafs, (this sport is stupid excepting the playoff beards and the fighting) besides having a very imposing name, have been one of the most storied franchises in hockey. Right now they are struggling to make the playoffs and lost last night in an important game against the Boston Bruins where the 8th playoff spot was on the line. The Maple Leafs lost 6-2. Recently named Player of the Week goalie Vesa Toskala was taken out of the game with 3 minutes remaining and the Leafs down by 3. To further illustrate how efficient his game has been recently, and why he definitely deserved the Player of the Week award, check out this goal he allowed the other night against the New York Islanders.

That was only from 197  feet away, I can see how he might have found that so difficult. No wonder no one watches anymore.

26
Mar
08

Joey Gathright Has Some Ups

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , , , , ,

Joey Gathright has long tantalized fantasy baseball owners with his incredible speed. Unfortunately, he is not allowed to steal first base and his hitting ability is not stellar. Now with the Kansas City Royals, Gathright the other day managed an interesting way to get on base.

This is not the most impressive leap I’ve seen from Gathright, who in the video after the jump jumps over a car, but still, to do that, while trying to run down the line and so suddenly is pretty goddamn impressive. I can usually touch the bottom of a basketball backboard, so,we’re basically the same…

Continue reading ‘Joey Gathright Has Some Ups’

26
Mar
08

Eat it Shawn Merriman

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , , , ,

The baseball steroid scandal gets all the press and headlines but there is no doubt in my mind that the NFL has just as much an issue, they just have better PR. For example, take a look at Shawn Merriman.

“I eat babies and always cut in line at the supermarket.”

He’s an otherworldly linebacker with a devastating combination of power and speed, and he was suspended 4 games in 2006 for testing positive for steroids. Of course, he then went on to record 15.5 sacks in only 12 games. So he’s a beast. Also, he’s a tool. Further, he’s a member of the San Diego Chargers who feature whiners like Ladanian Tomlinson who complained about the Patriots every time after they have manhandled him and turned him from an MVP into Lamont Jordan. Continue reading ‘Eat it Shawn Merriman’

26
Mar
08

Rich Harden Deals

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , , , , ,

Rich Harden simply befuddled my beloved Red Sox this morning in Japan.

Unfortunately the last few seasons have been marred by injuries from Harden and stopped his seemingly limitless talent from being showcased. In spurts he has been dominant but then a shoulder or an oblique injury or some other injury pops up and he goes onto the DL never to be seen again for the season. Featuring a high 90s fastball and a devastating splitter he has the pure stuff to overpower major league hitters but he hasn’t made at least 20 starts in a season since 2004.

Continue reading ‘Rich Harden Deals’

25
Mar
08

Another Reason to Fear North Carolina

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Basketball, Funny and Television
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So this is from the NBC affiliate down in the Raleigh-Durham area and is almost too surreal for comment. Enjoy.

The guy in the video is named Penn Holderness which is in the running for the whitest name ever. Also, why is his name Penn? Were his parents really big fans of Penn Gillette? Was he conceived at a UPenn football game? Did they just really really love Wawa?

thanks to Anthony King for the video

25
Mar
08

Riding the Closer Carousel

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , , , ,

Now I love Joe Nathan, hell, I’ve drafted him for the last 3 years for fantasy baseball, he’s a truly dominant closer and one of the top 4 in baseball, that much is undeniable. But the signing of him to a 4 year $47 million contract to me makes zero sense. Consider the trade that brought Nathan to the Twins; the Twins traded AJ Pierzynski to the San Francisco Giants for Francisco Liriano, Boof Bonser, and Nathan. Obviously, Brian Sabean (the SF GM) is an idiot for that trade, but look at how easily the Twins were able to acquire a front-line closer. Add in that the Twins are one of the most respected and well-run organizations (despite the signings of Sidney Ponson last year and Livan Hernandez this year) and it seems safe to assume that the team could manage to attain a closer candidate, (not even counting in-house replacement option Pat Neshak.)

All of which comes back to the fact that the Twins are not going to win their division this year. Or next year most likely. Which means that paying $47 million for a closer is unnecessary. The Twins felt they couldn’t afford to resign Johan Santana, the single best pitcher in the world and have claimed poverty, despite being owned by the single richest of all the owners in baseball, Carl Pohlad.

Continue reading ‘Riding the Closer Carousel’

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