Archive for March 31st, 2008


Washington Pops Their Cherry Blossom

Today we present you with another guest blogging effort, this time from my good friend Jon Eick who runs the always enjoyable food-obsessed, if you haven’t read it yet, do so immediately. Eick is one of the only people I know who willingly watches and roots for the Nationals. He also once voted for Bush and used to be a Yankees fan, so, there is that too. Anyhoo, he had tickets to both of the games this weekend at their brand new shiny stadium and offered to do a review of the stadium for the readers of The Slanch Report. Buckle up!


I went to both the first game EVER at Nationals Park, an exhibition game on Saturday against the Orioles, as well as the first OFFICIAL game, last night on ESPN, against the Atlanta Braves.


On Saturday we were only in our seats for about 3 of the 9 innings, because we were exploring everything. I didn’t get to walk around the whole stadium outside and see the trees and plaza and stuff in “front” (i.e. outside the stadium behind the home plate side). Instead, we entered through the CF gate. It’s right by the metro, and when you come out of the metro there is a really cool narrow street called ½ street, which has, or may have soon, a sort of Yawkey Way type feel to it. If they develop it as they hope to, it could be a really fun happening street (happening? You really are a 40 year old trapped in a 20something body). Right now there is no development on it yet, and there weren’t even food vendors there.

When you enter in centerfield there is a big open plaza which is cool, and you still have a great view of the game just from standing there. The cherry blossom trees in left field aren’t in bloom yet, but when they are in a week or two it will definitely be beautiful. (You’re just so damn poetic…)

The food at this ballpark is insanely good. So much good stuff everywhere, and it all appears to be of really high quality. The line for Ben’s chili bowl was about 100 people long for the whole game. However, I discovered that the “Ben’s half smoke” was available at all the food stands. The Ben’s half smoke is going to be THE signature food for Nationals Park. Fenway has Fenway Franks, Dodgers have Dodger Dogs, we have Ben’s Half Smokes. If you don’t know what a half-smoke is, that’s because it is a unique to DC thing. It’s like a 50/50 cross between a spicy sausage and a hot dog. Delicious. And you’ve got to get the Ben’s half-smoke “all-the-way” with chili, onions and mustard. One semi complaint. The food stands don’t each have their own signs, everyplace just has their name in these sort of lit up glowing neon letters, If each food place had their own unique signs, it would make the inside tunnel areas where you get food feel a little bit less strip-mallish.

DC’s own, “Half-Smoke”

There is an abundance of food vendors, underneath/in back of the stands there are just rows and rows of food vendors. Beer, there appeared to be decent selection, including Stella on tap, and what appeared to be 20 or 22 oz cups at certain locations. The restaurant in Centerfield, called “Red Porch” is quite large, as is the “Red Loft” bar above it.

Continue reading ‘Washington Pops Their Cherry Blossom’


There Isn’t Enough CGI in the World…

We can’t all stay young and beautiful forever right? In Goldie Hawn’s case, maybe more so than others…


Someone tell me which one is Jabba and which is Goldie…

Also, someone protect Kate Hudson and don’t let this happen to her.


Pierre Gets Benched

For once, common sense wins out over cash! Joe Torre has announced that Andre Ethier and not Juan Pierre will be the starting left fielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Considering that Pierre has some $30-odd million dollars remaining on his contract, (and 3 years, what were you thinking Ned Colletti?) this decision was not as obvious as the numbers seem to dictate.


Understandably, Pierre is pissed. He spent spring training bitching that he wasn’t getting enough at-bats. He ended spring training with the second most ABs on the team. Oh, and a robust .188 batting average. He still managed 6 stolen bases, but frankly, since that is the only value that Pierre brings to a team, that is no reason to start or play him regularly. Ethier in comparison is hitting .377 this spring, plays better defense and doesn’t have a lollipop arm. Also, Juan Pierre’s career never was the same after he shaved off the mustache. I think it was the source of his strength.

Continue reading ‘Pierre Gets Benched’


Why I Don’t Play Rugby

Here is some guy named Josh Graham having his testicles grabbed and yanked while playing in a rugby game (match? contest? battle of wills?) in Australia.

According to Graham, the captain of the Cornulla Sharks team Paul Gallen “…grabbed my ‘wheels’ (testicles) and gave them a bit of squeeze, 100 per cent. I looked at the ref and said: ‘What’s doing’. I wasn’t so much cranky but shocked. It’s never happened to me before. He didn’t just grab one ‘wheel’. He grabbed the whole package and it hurt at the time.”

Gallen vehemently denied touching or grabbing Graham’s genitals.

I’d play rugby if I wasn’t short, slow and uncomfortable being in a scrum with lots of sweaty men. This picture reminds me why I used to play tennis instead, at least then my wheels were safe with my power-train axle guiding us along.



I Simply Cannot Compete With This

With one of the more incredible and wonderful headlines I’ve ever seen, I present you this story about Formula One President Max “British Charleton Heston” Mosely.

I can’t invent stories this good. 5 hookers? Check. Sex orgy? You got it. Nazi sex games? I don’t even know what that entails, but check. Son of the founder of the British Fascist Party? Big check.

Seriously. This is a story that you have to read.

“They’ll have to pry my hookers out of my cold, dead hands.”

It’s the Greatest Day of the Year!

This afternoon the MLB season kicks off in full swing today with 14 games on tap. Finally!

Color me excited.

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March 2008