Archive for the 'Fantasy' Category


Colton Orr Knocks Some Fools Around

Toronto Maple Leaf winger Colton Orr loves to fight, when he’s on the ice you can guarantee someone is going to get hit, and if any of his teammates needs a hand, Orr is ever-ready to throw off his gloves and mix it up. This season he already has 7 fights notched on his belt and has 59 penalty minutes, 4th in the NHL. Here he is taking on and taking out the Senators’ Matt Carkner during Monday’s action.

If you play Fantasy Hockey and need some penalty minutes, Orr is one you definitely want to pick up. That is one mal-hombre.

[Hockey Fights]


Warning: Only Read if You LOVE Fantasy Baseball – RECAPS!

At the beginning of the fantasy baseball season, as we do every year, the Slanch Report issued our predictions for the upcoming season. Some were prescient, most were not. While we accurately predicted the 2nd and 5th place finishers, everything else was wrong. Pronouncements about players were regularly mistaken and we proved one thing only; we’re an idiot in fantasy baseball.

At least this year. Next year it’s ON! So, if you’re at all interested in what happened in our league this year, please join us below for nearly 5000 words of fantasy baseball goodness. And please check out our predictions if only to see how laughably wrong they were.

Continue reading ‘Warning: Only Read if You LOVE Fantasy Baseball – RECAPS!’


Can’t Get Enough Fantasy Hockey?

Hockey-Heaven.jpgMe either, but I’m doing it anyways! There are limited slots available in the inaugural Slanch Report fantasy hockey league, and we’re looking for YOU!

If you think you have chops or you know anything about hockey you’re already a decent shot to win. We’re drafting MONDAY night, so, you must sign up BEFORE THEN. If you want in, send me an email here and I’ll send you all the relevant information.

If you’ve ever dreamed of being in a fantasy hockey league with a famous blogger, settle for me! If you’ve never played fantasy hockey and/or know nothing about hockey, join us!

Fantasy hockey forever!


The Dumbest Thing to Happen to Fantasy Sports

09072008brady_source600After Tom Brady’s knee injury knocked him out of football seven minutes into the season, and in the process knocked the Patriots out of Super Bowl contention and ruined millions of fantasy football teams, Henry Olszewski, an employee at Intermarket Insurance came up with an idea, Fantasy Sports Insurance.

“That Monday, [Olszewski] came in the office, and he was bummed out,” said Anthony Giaccone, president of Intermarket Insurance. “He asked ‘Why can’t we buy insurance for fantasy team players?'”

The Fantasy Sports Insurance guarantees that various players won’t miss more than a certain number of games, if they do, FSI will reimburse your entry fee. The three coverage options are:

  1. One key player misses 10 out of the first 15 NFL regular season games – due to injury
  2. One key player misses 8 out of the first 12 NFL regular season games – due to injury
  3. Three key players miss a combined total 18 out of the first 15 NFL regular season games – due to injury

The cost for FSI is based upon the amount of coverage you choose, the total cost is calculated at a 10% rate of the insured value, plus fees. “For example: If you choose to insure ONE player for $200 – based on a 10% per $100 insured – your FSI cost will be $20.”

To show you’re covered FSI will send off a certificate of insurance outlining the coverage and in the unfortunate situation that you need the coverage, they’ll send off a cashier’s check reimbursing you.

Don’t worry, FSI has branched out to all other fantasy sports too, but you have to be a real kind of fucked up in the head to be getting fantasy insurance for your fantasy NASCAR and hockey leagues.

[CNN and FSI]


Warning: Only Read if You’re Obsessed With Fantasy Baseball

Being a good Jew, Christmas means nothing to me, but I can understand the excitement you goyim feel on that day because once a year, I get to do one of my absolute favorite things; draft my fantasy baseball team. Draft day is one of the best days of the year, hope springs eternal and the sheer elation I get from having an empty team page start to get filled up with stars and scrubs alike is nearly indescribable. Yesterday marked the 8th annual draft for my most important fantasy league, simply known to us all as “The League.” Every year after the draft I provide an in-depth and exhaustive recap of each team and the draft itself. This year the draft clocked in at a robust 4 hours and in total 348 players were drafted to fill the 12 teams. Join us after the jump for the full (almost 8,000 words) recap or you know, go off and do something actually productive with your life…

Continue reading ‘Warning: Only Read if You’re Obsessed With Fantasy Baseball’


Annual Rite of the MLB Season #42

Today, the San Diego Padres as expected placed Mark Prior on the 60-day DL while he rehabs from shoulder surgery. For Prior this is a return to a place he knows best, having been on the DL at some point every year since 2003 and hasn’t pitched a full season since Dusty Baker destroyed his career and future that same year.

I for one hope that he comes back. I’ve always like Prior because his curve ball is sick, his mechanics are flawless and because I drafted him in the first round of a fantasy draft like an idiot in 2004. Also, I drafted him this year in one of my fantasy leagues as my final pick, and think that, if he can be healthy, we could see maybe 8-11 wins and 130 Ks from June forward. Maybe.


Continue reading ‘Annual Rite of the MLB Season #42’


Warning: You May Not Care

Yesterday marked the 7th annual draft of my most important and competitive fantasy baseball year. My life and happiness is based around waiting for this draft to happen and then the ensuing season. Every year I do a recap of the draft and each team. Most likely you out there in the internet do not care. That’s fine. But if you are interested in seeing how a 29 round incredibly deep draft is adjudged by me in 4000 words, read on. Enjoy.

Continue reading ‘Warning: You May Not Care’

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

December 2022