Archive for June, 2008



18
Jun
08

At What Point Does Becoming Glue Make More Sense?

After 162 races, Japanese racehorse Elizabeth Queen raced her way on Tuesday to the record for horse-racing ineptitude. That’s because the 7 year old horse has yet to come away with a single win. You read that right, after having run the equivalent of an entire baseball schedule of races, Elizabeth Queen remains winless; even the Mariners aren’t that bad!

Elizabeth Queen, which usually finished in the bottom group in each race, has recently improved her performance, in 11 consecutive races she has finished second four times, third six times and fifth once. “I feel she’s going to run faster than ever. I’d like to help her stop the consecutive losses,” said jockey Hisashi Itano the day before she finished second in her record-setting race.

“Finishing races safely is a condition for a good horse. She’ll surely win if she keeps racing,” said Tetsuharu Kuribayashi, a trainer of the horse. I’m not so sure about that. You’d think after 162 tries that she’d have done it once…

I’m guessing she won’t be making the big bucks as a female stud (brood mare?) There may be only one real solution…

glue

[Daily Yomiuri]

18
Jun
08

The Dutch Get Ovened

I don’t know when this blog became a soccer blog but there are simply too many hilarious stories coming out of the beautiful game recently. For instance, take this video of the Dutch team playing Romania during the Euro Cup. Something stinks on the bench and it seems to be most likely caused by Rafael van der Vaart, (pronounced Van der Fart.) Is it still called a Dutch oven if it’s done by a Dutchman? Or is it just an oven?

Vodpod videos no longer available.
18
Jun
08

Mr. Met is Omar Minaya’s Executioner

Jon Stewart loves the Mets, and so he opened up yesterday’s Daily Show with a great bit regrading the firing of Willie Randolph and just who it was that made the final call.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

“You want to meet the Mets? Why don’t you meet Mr. Met? I’ll meet you in the fucking parking lot!”

18
Jun
08

That’s One Way to Honor a Teammate

Marlins pitcher Justin Miller has an incredible amount of tattoos on his body. Miller has so many that he is required to wear a long sleeve shirt every time he pitches so as not to distract batters, the rule is even referred to as “the Justin Miller rule.” Even better, Miller has quite the sense of humor regarding his tattoos, take one of the tattoos he has on his ass that reads, “I (heart) Billy Koch” because of a bet he had lost against Koch, who gave him $2000 and paid for the tattoo in exchange. Koch even ended up giving $500 to Miller’s wife as an apology.

“It was a silly bet. Honestly, at the time I was getting a lot of tattoos. [Koch and I] got traded for each other a couple of years before. I have fun telling that story, and we’re boys to this day. He’ll definitely never let me forget about it,” Miller says in an interview with Inked magazine. “I think [my teammates] wait until the shower just so they can peek instead of asking to see my ass.”

Of course, you know how baseball players get, once you get one of your teammates’ names tattooed on your posterior you need to get EVERYONE’S name tattooed there.

Fellow Marlins pitcher/troublemaker  Scott Olsen, always one to commemorate nights where things go wrong by using the ass of another man, has approached Miller with a proposition of his own, “He wants me to get his mug shot (left) tattooed on my ass. I don’t think that’s going to work,” says Miller. “I don’t think my wife wants to see Olsen’s picture there. So we’re not going to go with that.”

Miller’s tattoos have caused other difficulties, besides his friends trying to have their faces forever next to his anus. Last year, while pitching in Japan, “he was banned from the Disneyland amusement park in Tokyo because of his tattoos. He ignored that rule, walking right through the park entrance turnstiles without missing a beat.”

He’s not done yet either, but he is running out of blank space, “my wife won’t let me get my neck tattooed. I’ve wanted to get one on my head, and my wife sort of put her foot down on that,” he says. “People give me crap. [They say,] ‘Hey, you’d be out [on the pitching mound] in a turtleneck and a beanie.’ That’s something I think I’ll end up doing after baseball.”

18
Jun
08

City of Champions

I remember being a little kid falling asleep as Johnny Most’s raspy voice called the game. I remember watching games on TV and emulating Most’s voice as I called the game myself. I remember my first Celtics game when my Dad offered to buy me a shirt of any player I wanted. “I was going to get a Larry Bird one, but then I remembered that Dee Brown is my favorite player,” I told my family later. (That shirt was dope though, it was black and had Dee with his no-look dunk for the slam-dunk competition, plus I had the same Reebok Pumps!) I remember getting Reggie Lewis’ autograph because I won a readathon for MS. I remember Chris Ford’s hair. I remember Reggie Lewis’ death. I remember the Celtics drafting Acie Earl. I remember when ML Carr did an excellent job of tanking so we could get Tim Duncan. I remember the shock of the Spurs winning the lottery. I choose to not remember the Rick Pitino era. I refuse to remember Vitaly Potapenko, Kenny Anderson, Ron Mercer, Andrew DeClerq, Tyrus Edney, Pervis Ellison and Zan Tabak. I remember Antoine’s wiggle. I remember Paul Pierce shooting jumpers yelling out the names of the 9 players drafted ahead of him. I remember Paul Pierce getting stabbed in the stomach and playing two weeks later. I remember that without Tony Battie last night couldn’t have happened. I remember not being able to watch anymore because the team was so hapless. I remember hoping for a resurgence with Greg Oden. I remember trying to convince myself that Yi Jianlian might be the next Yao.

I’ll remember 17.

I watched every game, fell asleep as a little kid to the Celtics, the Bruins, the Red Sox and woke up every Sunday to the Patriots. I remember when the Bruins playoff streak ended, when the Red Sox suffered through the Butch Hobson era and when the Patriots went 1-15. The only thing that upsets me is that I spent my first 18 years of life in Boston and no team ever won a championship. For the last 8 years I have lived in New York state, since that time, Boston has won 3 Superbowls, 2 World Series and an NBA Championship. Hell even the Revolution have been in the finals in 2002, 2005, 2006, 2007–although they seem to be the Buffalo Bills of soccer. I’m not sure I can ever move back, I don’t want to ruin this streak of excellence.

Boston once more is the City of Champions. And I couldn’t be happier to be forever a Bostonian.

18
Jun
08

This Guy Loves Only One Thing More than America

dsc01675

“Hey man, wanna go to the Yankees game against the Padres with me?”

“Definitely! Hey you know what will make us totally awesome and show everyone how much we care about baseball?”

“Bring an American flag to aimlessly hold when they do ‘God Bless America’!”

“You read my mind! Lemme just change into my lucky pot leaf shirt and I’ll be good to go.”

“I love weed!”

“Where are we going again?”

2589026230_370509108f

Of course, this isn’t the first time weed and sports have overlapped…

17
Jun
08

The Celtics MUST Win Tonight

Tonight is game 6 in the NBA finals, the Celtics are vying for their 17th banner; the universe has arranged itself appropriately for this exact moment. Today’s date? 6/17. Game 6, 17th banner. It will happen. It HAS to happen!

76667924NB002_Celtics

Also today would have been Doc Rivers’ father’s birthday who passed away in November. If you’re a gambler, bet it all on the Celts tonight, it’s in the bag.
LET’S GO CELTICS! BEAT LA!

17
Jun
08

Is It OK to Get Your Ass Kicked by a 5 Year Old?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I took karate at the YMCA so I know that I’m pretty damn tough, but watching this video of a 5 year old boxer makes me glad that I’m not in the ring with him. First off, his nickname is Pretty Boy Bam Bam, that’s awesome! He definitely came up with that one on his own. Second off, listen to the crack when he’s throwing those punches, I’d get beat up and then I’d have to go hide in the mountains in Nepal to try and escape the embarrassment. But even the monks up there would be like “There is the loser who got beat up by a 5 year old,” and then they’d make me get all the firewood.

There’s no escape.

17
Jun
08

Marketing Can be Terrifying

Here’s a marketing campaign that ESPN has apparently been using, I’m guessing to advertisers but I don’t know for certain, if anyone out there does, please let me know.

Click the image to see it larger.

Regardless, I like the idea that ESPN gets you closer, but those eyeballs are terrifying and the packaging even more so. If I opened that box and a giant eyeball was staring back at me, I’d freak out. Did one of my friends get so high that he took his own eyes out? Is it a warning from the Mafia because of that shipment of flat screen TVs I stole from them? Is that sailor I “accidentally” killed with a tire iron on spring break sending me message?

Whatever, I want the baseball.

[Scaryideas.com]

17
Jun
08

President Bush Has a Basketball Jones

President Bush was in Belfast the other day and showed off his basketball prowess which is roughly equivalent to his ability as a world leader. Check out how he tosses the ball to the kids, that’s some coordination there… sigh, only 6 more months. 6 more months…

17
Jun
08

Say Goodnight Sweet Prince

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am obviously satisfied that the Mets finally fired Willie Randolph, but could that franchise look any more dysfunctional after the manner in which they actually let him go? The organization sent out emails at 3:11 am letting media outlets know that Willie Randolph, Rick Peterson and Tom Nieto were all axed. There has to be a better way to have handled this. Do you think that back at the hotel, Omar hid in Willie’s closet and then smothered him with a pillow when he laid down to sleep?

But regardless, Willie, a seemingly classy guy was simply unable to corral this team and make them perform the way they were supposed to. Two years ago they were a base hit away from the World Series, since then, they have gone 122 – 109 which is simply not good enough. They have a $139 million payroll and were expected to be the best team in the NL. As reader Youppi pointed out yesterday, it is not Willie’s fault that players got hurt or have completely slowed down (cough, Delgado) but it is his responsibility to get the team to perform no matter what. This team goes the way Jose Reyes goes, and he hasn’t been going. The only player whom Willie’s constant mismanaging didn’t seem to affect was David Wright. Every few games there were moves that Willie would make that would be questionable. Whether it was even allowing Fernando Tatis to play or the manner he handled the bullpen, it just seemed like Willie was grasping at straws and didn’t have a plan.

I’m not convinced that Jerry Manuel is going to be a long-term answer, but any change is good at this point. What I’m most interested to see is who they hire for pitching coach. Leo Mazzone is still unemployed and, up until his less-than-successful tenure in Baltimore was considered the best pitching coach in the game. Was he product of the fantastic Braves pitchers, or is he really that good? Someone needs to figure out how to make Oliver Perez throw strikes, and Mazzone might just be that guy. If Perez, Mike Pelfrey and John Maine can’t be consistent this team should start booking their October vacations now.

The fact that Omar Minaya handled this situation so poorly though, is just one more example of why Omar Minaya ALSO needs to be handed his walking papers. That he could have done it at the worst possible time, and after forcing the coaches to fly across the country only to get fired in the middle of the night. Completely classless. Omar has managed to arrange a team that is inconsistent, a bench that is unproductive, the highest paid players (again besides David Wright) are all under performing. Ridiculous moves like the signing of Luis Castillo are simply inexcusable. WHY DO YOU SIGN A SECOND BASEMAN WITH BAD KNEES WHOSE GAME IS BASED ON SPEED TO A 4 YEAR CONTRACT IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE HAS KNEE SURGERY!?!?!?!?! Is that not the most idiotic move possible? Now the team is hamstrung at the position. The rotation is struggling, the bullpen is a rollercoaster, Delgado is finished, Beltran (last night excepted) has been not close to what he is supposed to be, Pedro has had one good year. There are very few moves that Minaya has made that have panned out and it is time that he go to. Let’s see if the Wilpons have the brains to do it.

Day one of a new Mets era starts today. Let’s hope it goes well…

17
Jun
08

Monty Doppelganger

Cole Hamels, or as we like to call him, Hole Camels, is one of the most dominant young starters in the game right now, his only challenge it seems is staying healthy, otherwise he might go on to become a several time Cy Young winner. When Monty Python appeared sketch comedy had never seen anything like them, and no one has ever truly come close to the level of genius they produced. Arguably the biggest individual star to come out of Python was John Cleese, who went on to write and star in one of my favorite movies, A Fish Called Wanda. While watching the Red Sox/Phillies game, eagle-eyed reader, The roomate noticed the similarity between the two men, what do you think? For this and the many other doppelgangers my readers and I have spotted, go here. And please, do send me your own as you notice them, and I’ll get them up right away. Also, please make sure to vote in the poll down below!

hamelscleese




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