Posts Tagged ‘NBA



Are you a big-time NBA fan who finds him or herself in front of a computer screen more often than a television? Do you want to watch each of your favorite team’s games despite being across the country? Well, the Slanch Report has DONE IT AGAIN! Thanks to the folks over at the NBA we have a FREE SUBSCRIPTION ($100 value) to the NBA League Pass Broadband package where you can watch ALL out-of-market games in realtime HD-quality graphics from your computer! Pretty awesome right!

There’s only one way to win: In the comments below submit your claim (100 words or less) as to why YOU are a bigger NBA fan than everyone else and deserve this prize the most. Creative trash talk and personal insults are ALWAYS welcome. Make sure you include a VALID EMAIL ADDRESS WITH YOUR ENTRY and all entries must be received by NOON December 21st.

We also have some EXCELLENT prizes available for the second and third-place winners (as determined by ME) and guess what, it’s all FREE for you, all you have to do is submit your comment below.

Joining our Facebook Fan Page (if you haven’t already)  is always highly recommended as well and will certainly help your chances.

And for more information on NBA’s League Pass and their Mobile version, check out these links.


Coming Soon to an Arena Near You

America exports nearly everything, and sometimes it’s the best we’ve got. For example, the NBA and Chinese beer giant Tsingtao Brewery are joining forces to launch a cheerleading competition to air on the state-run television channel. The winners of the competition will get the opportunity to come to the US and train with a real NBA dance team! Besides the dance competition, according to producer Su Ling, the show will also focus on “NBA culture … Michael Jordan, the Lakers and basketball history.” Sounds exciting!

After the success of the cheerleaders at the Olympics, the “la la dui,” which is the Chinese word(s?) for the dancers have gained much more mainstream acceptance. The NBA-Tsingtao show, called “Qing Wu Men” in Chinese, which translates roughly into the very catchy “Young Dance Stage.”

Look out world, China has too many people to not overwhelm NBA dance teams with floods of young hot dancer girls. Which, now that I think about it isn’t necessarily a bad thing…

[Hollywood Reporter]


NBA Teams are Going Bankrupt!


The NBA has taken out a line of credit worth $175 million today to help teams who are having a hard time meeting expenses. Reportedly 15 teams requested assistance from the league with each team receiving no more than $11.66 million. JP Morgan and Bank of America reached out to the league apparently, not the other way around, offering some assistance, which is especially nice to see. After all, if the millionaire/billionaire owners of the NBA teams need a hand I’m glad that the banking institutions are ready and eager to help them with a loan, you know, as opposed to the millions of Americans who need a loan to keep buying food, not for stocking up jet fuel for charter flights.

Low attendance, poor play and worse management have led to this “crisis” for these various teams, I also feel confident that a lot of the issues can be blamed on Isiah Thomas, because, you know, why not.

There is even a report that the salary cap might be LOWERED next season from $59 to $57 million and that this whole situation could lead to another labor showdown in 2011, which would be PHENOMENAL for the NBA since the last lockout worked so well…

[Washington Times]


Nothing is Wrong in the NBA, So Here Comes the Army

According to NBA Commissioner David Stern, the officiating in the league is not a problem. Sure Tim Donaghy was arrested and has since accused other officials of fixing games as well as accusing the league of manipulating outcomes for better ratings, but that doesn’t mean there is a problem.

In this year’s Finals when the Lakers needed to get a win, every NBA commentator joked that Bennett Salvatore (the most notoriously bad, home-crowd favoring ref in the league) would be working the game; they didn’t think it would happen, then he actually reffed (poorly, obviously) multiple games! Of course, with Salvatore having been mentioned specifically by Donaghy, you’d think the NBA wouldn’t want to throw him right out there. Nope! Because there is nothing wrong with the officials.

Since nothing is wrong, the NBA has hired former 2-star General Ronald L. Johnson to the newly created position of Senior Vice President of Referee Operations. Johnson just recently retired from the Army after serving 32 years as a combat engineer.

p1johnson“As I leave the military and return to civilian life, I can’t imagine a more interesting and challenging position,” Johnson said in a league statement. “Although I don’t have a basketball background, other than as a lifelong fan, I am confident that my experience as an Army commander and engineer has equipped me to bring leadership and innovation to the NBA’s exceptional officiating program.”

After all, nothing is wrong. That’s why they brought in someone with zero basketball experience and created a whole new job for him, because the refs are so talented. David Stern says in his statement, “our referees are the best in the world but they never stop striving to improve and Ron has made a career out of getting the very best out of people. We are fortunate to have someone of such extraordinary accomplishment joining our staff.” See, they’re the best!

I always find that the Army is only brought in when nothing is wrong. In fact, the Army always brings peace, prosperity and happiness along with enough hot cocoa for everyone to have some. According to the NBA “Johnson will relocate from Alexandria, Va., to work in the NBA’s New York headquarters.” No word yet if he will be greeted as a liberator or a conquerer.


The Celtics MUST Win Tonight

Tonight is game 6 in the NBA finals, the Celtics are vying for their 17th banner; the universe has arranged itself appropriately for this exact moment. Today’s date? 6/17. Game 6, 17th banner. It will happen. It HAS to happen!


Also today would have been Doc Rivers’ father’s birthday who passed away in November. If you’re a gambler, bet it all on the Celts tonight, it’s in the bag.


The NBA Finals: Where Craigslist Blowjobs Happen

It’s championship time for the NBA and of course, that leads to some fun craigslist postings. For example, a Medford, MA man posted an ad asking for tickets to an upcoming Celtics game, in exchange for his “hot” wife. Kyle Carter, the classy man in question said in a local interview that this is merely for a dinner date–no promises of hot wife-y action. Carter apparently has a very relaxed wife. “At first she said, ‘Oh, no, there’d be too many crazy people calling us. But she said she’d be open to it. And some of the guys who responded seem pretty normal.” Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Medford, the first thing to know is the way to pronounce it. Anyone from there would never pronounce the actual word as it is spelled, instead it comes out more as “MehFuhd.” Also, the stereotypical Bostonian with the accent, every group of friends with a Murph or a Sully, etc. is from the “lovely” town of Medford.

For Carter, this is less about pimping his wife out to strangers as it is about as the opportunity to support the Celtics. “I was a fan ever since I was a kid and I’m in my 30s now. I remember watching them play the Lakers in the ’80s. Now with them in the finals, you get caught up in the excitement and you want to go to the game, but you can’t get a ticket. You can only afford a couple of games anyway if you’re an average guy and that’s quite unfair.” I totally agree, ticket prices have served to price the average fan out of most major events these days. However, at the same time, I don’t know that pimping one’s “hot” wife is the proper way to get around those prices, especially because every girl I know from Mehfuhd attended classes at Busted University and all of them graduated Sigma Cum Laude.

Mr. Romantic and his wife are hopeful that a normal, nice man will step up and give him tickets. After having waited in 12 hour lines and attempting to win tickets in other ways, this might be Carter’s last chance. “I’m just a hardworking guy who wants to get out there and support his team.”

Celtics fans are not alone in playing around on Craigslist regarding the basketball games though. LA fans are apparently hungry and eager for blowjobs regarding the game.

Continue reading ‘The NBA Finals: Where Craigslist Blowjobs Happen’

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March 2023