Posts Tagged ‘Barry Zito


Welcome to the New World of Twitter and Food Animal Sex

Barry Zito has a Cy Young award, a ridiculous $127 million contract and lots of free time; so it should come as little surprise that he takes the time out of his day to take a photo of, and share via twitter, him playing with his food and making gingerbread animals hump.

These are real ginger bread pigs from an upscale pizza joint in LA. They got frisky, luckily I had the phone cam.

"These are real ginger bread pigs from an upscale pizza joint in LA. They got frisky, luckily I had the phone cam."

Of course, those are clearly both DUDE gingerbread pigs, which is totally not cool. It’s an abomination dude…

[Barry Zito]


Alyssa Milano Talks Balls…and Strike Outs

Future Slanch Report paramour Alyssa Milano was in NYC promoting her new “steamy” book, Safe at Home and the National Enquirer is all over it. As part of the promotional tour, excerpts are being leaked out; like that when she and Brad Penny first got down he had her wear his Dodgers jersey to bed. Also, according to the fine folks over at the National Enquirer she once dated Brad Zito, a pitcher on the Giants. So, there’s that too. Supposedly the book isn’t particularly interesting, or steamy, but hey, Alyssa Milano pictures.

[National Enquirer]



Sad News for Pitching Rotations Across the Game

Alyssa Milano, after meeting me the other day, has decided she is no longer interested in dating professional baseball players saying, “they are grown men playing a little boy’s sport. That makes them childish.”

After having dated pitchers such as Barry Zito, Brad Penny and Carl Pavano, she is content now with her mystery man, a gentleman known only as “David.”

Is it possible I’m dating Alyssa Milano and didn’t even remember?

I have got to lay off the drugs.

[Baseball Musings]

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Continue reading ‘Sad News for Pitching Rotations Across the Game’


Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?

Have you ever thought about what you would do with a million dollars, how you’d spend it, what awesome things you could do or buy? What about winning the lottery, say, a megabucks worth 126 million dollars? Well, now imagine that you have that money and you can only spend it on one thing, a curveball pitcher who can’t strike anyone out, who walks way too many people and whose reputation is partly based on erroneously winning the Cy Young over Pedro Martinez based almost solely on win totals*. Want to kill yourself yet? Try this link that my buddy Garnold found where you can see how many years at your current salary it would take to equal Barry Zito’s yearly $14.5million. Now you’ll definitely want to kill yourself.

Only 17 months into a 7 year contract, Barry Zito has been taken out of the rotation and placed in the bullpen for the time being. With an ERA of 7.53 in nearly 29 innings, he has been ridiculously ineffective, a WHIP just shy of 2, and a K:BB of 11:15 adds up to Zito being garbage right now.

What happened to the fun-loving Zito who brought a devastating 12-6 curveball that just froze hitters? The Zito who won 40 games in his first two full seasons has disappeared from sight. The guy once struck out 200 hitters but now is lucky to get ANY swing and misses, how could this have happened?

Clearly, right now, with his control terrible, and hitters knowing this, they are keying off ALL of his pitches as he just tries to get ANYTHING to be a strike. The way he’s pitching right now, especially off his 84 mph fastball, I think even I could go 3-4 with a couple doubles off him.

Could it be that Zito misses the fun days of the crazy A’s? Back when he, Mark Mulder and Tim Hudson all lived together, everything seemed to be easy for these three stud pitchers. It seemed like they might become the new version of the Braves, with their pitchers trading off Cy Young seasons back and forth. Zito who had been maybe the most initially advanced though got passed by his teammates. Also, unfortunately, of course it bares mentioning that the offensive catalyst of that team Jason Giambi is a known steroids user and it is likely that other players on the team used them as well. Maybe Zito should call his uncle, actor Patrick Duffy for how he handled the transition from a show like Dallas to Step by Step. Or maybe Zito is out too much with the Hollywood starlets, most recently Hillary Duff. It is possible that he no longer is bringing his stuffed animal collection on the road or maybe he just needs to change his incense, maybe some Nag Champa to lighten up the room?

Continue reading ‘Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?’

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March 2023