Posts Tagged ‘Hookers


Ochocinco Bounces a Check to a Hooker

Chad Ochocinco loves attention, he craves it and needs it. He may not be psyched with the attention he’ll receive after word that he bounced a check to a “promotional model” (read: hooker) and she decided to tweet about it all over the place.

courtney_collins-389x226Sometime on or around 9/21 Ochocinco met up with Courtney Collins, a “promotional model” whose classy business card is rather risque and shows off her ample cleavage. She works for a service called Vivacious Models whose Myspace page doesn’t so much say escort service as SCREAM it.

Apparently short on cash, Ocho opted for the ever classy, paper-trailing showing check for what appears to be $1500. I wonder what that was for…Of course, this wouldn’t be an issue, or known, if the check didn’t bounce, clearly making Collins pissed.


Ever classy herself, Collins then tweeted  the photo to all kinds of media-types, from TMZ and Perez Hilton to Tyra Banks. I don’t have an issue with him paying for a hooker, he’s just, as Charlie Sheen famously said, paying for her to leave, but c’mon Chad, be a little bit smarter than writing a check…and one that bounces at that…

[Celebrity Clubber]


Cristiano Ronaldo and the Hooker With a Golden Heart

Being one of the best soccer players in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United is able to attract a multitude of extremely attractive women like Nereida Gallardo to his bedside. So, it is interesting to read this report from the News of the World where they uncover that his latest ladyfriend, a Brazilian woman named Fernanda turns out to also be a $3,600 call girl in London. I highly recommend reading the full article as it is full of hilarious moments, and also some NSFW images, so be warned.

After receiving a tip from a high-class madame, the News booked an appointment with the busty Brazilian beauty. During the two meetings that the paper booked she:


Maybe She Was Trying To Spark the Jays’ Offense (UPDATED)

The story of the topless blonde in the Rogers Centre Skydome box just keeps getting better. The 26 year old spoke today with the Ottawa Sun paper, the initial publisher of the photos of her, saying that she thought the windows were tinted and no one would be able to see through them.

“The [bachelor party hosts] told me that no one could see in,” she explained. Looks like that’s the last time she trusts a bachelor party crew. You’d think she’d have done her research and seen what these affairs could be like.

The young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, is in grad school and works as a “hostess” to help pay for her school costs. I feel like I’ve heard that one before, maybe from every other hooker ever. I mean, not that I have a lot of experience with hookers. Unless paying women to have sex with me is experience. In that case I may need to change my response…

“I am not ashamed of what I do, there’s nothing wrong with this…but not everyone knows I do this,” she said. Unfortunately for her, the Blue Jays do see something wrong with it and, since her photo is out there, it looks like everyone is going to know what she does.

President and CEO of the Blue Jays Paul Godfrey said that her comportment went directly against the strict code of conduct for the erstwhile Skydome.

“It may be legal to walk the streets topless, but not at the Rogers Centre,” said Godfrey. Even T-shirts with offensive messages are not allowed in the stadium, he said. I didn’t know it was legal to walk the streets of Toronto topless, looks like it’s time for an action-packed mardi gras vacation to Toronto! Who’s coming with me, they got socialized medicine, street boobs and polite manners, what more could you need?


Ronaldo Kicks some Extra Balls Around

Brazilian soccer superstar Ronaldo was for a time, the greatest soccer player in the world, earning player of the year honors three times, tied for the most ever. He was married to Milene Domingues for several years, she’s a model and considered one of the best female soccer players in the world. Seems like a good choice. Then he started dating MTV VJ Daniela Cicarelli, she’s super hot, but it didn’t last. Consoling himself somehow, Ronaldo began to date Brazilian supermodel Raica Oliviera, professional smokeshow. Well done. These are women a man could be proud of, it seems though, that the AC Milan star has fallen on harder times.

While rehabbing from an injury in Brazil, Ronaldo went out the other night, as any man is wont to do and decided he wanted a little female companionship. Understandable, he’s a man with needs, and an incredibly well-known and respected person in his own country and so, seemingly should be a piece of cake to pick up a woman. Opting for some discretion, Ronaldo and his voracious sexual appetite picked up three prostitutes for a hot 4-way at a nearby motel; in Brazil, where prostitution is legal and sexuality is celebrated, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your mindset, Ronaldo found that his prostitutes were more than meets the eye. It seems that the shes were really hes and packing some different equipment than the footballer was expecting.

Like a gentleman, Ronaldo offered the three transvestites about $600 to keep it quiet and for their time, two of them agreed immediately but one saw it as an opportunity. Instead, Andreia Albertini, transvestite hooker, decided to try and extort Ronaldo to the tune of $30,000 to keep the whole story quiet or else he’d post a video on the internet.

According to the police inspector on the case, Carlos Augusto Nogueira “Ronaldo had not committed any crimes by contracting the men, but he is looking into other claims [that Ronaldo threatened the she-men].

‘He just wanted to have fun and meet some other people outside his usual environment,’ Nogueira said. ‘There is no crime at all.’ He added: ‘[Ronaldo] is quite shocked. He said he just wanted to have some fun and for the press not to be informed about this. Ronaldo told me he is suffering some psychological problems as a result of his injury.”

Sounds like mission accomplished, after all, he did meet some new people! As for the press not finding out well…

It looks like Ronaldo needs to get back onto the field ASAP because when he’s playing and with a hot woman he’s an unstoppable force, when he isn’t he’s just another john picking up transvestites. Someone get this man a supermodel, STAT!


I Simply Cannot Compete With This

With one of the more incredible and wonderful headlines I’ve ever seen, I present you this story about Formula One President Max “British Charleton Heston” Mosely.

I can’t invent stories this good. 5 hookers? Check. Sex orgy? You got it. Nazi sex games? I don’t even know what that entails, but check. Son of the founder of the British Fascist Party? Big check.

Seriously. This is a story that you have to read.

“They’ll have to pry my hookers out of my cold, dead hands.”

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2023