Archive Page 176

03
Apr
08

Someone REALLY Liked The Squid and the Whale

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“I just think Noah Baumbach’s work isn’t being appreciated enough”

Penn State basketball player Stanley Pringle decided to chip out his place in college basketball lore by using the stacks in the library for more than just browsing. Pulling out his classic cylindrical tube while trying to start a conversation with a woman was apparently not the way into her heart. It was however, his entré to be ridiculed on the internet and become (in)famous. According to the article, this was not the first time that Pringle reportedly has done this, as there was a similar incident with a similar description of said pervert’s actions but as of now Pringle isn’t being charged with distributing his salt and vinegar for that incident.

Thanks to The Big Lead

02
Apr
08

Wilt has Something for you to Lick

wiltintro

Wilt Chamberlain, famed cocksman, is being swept up in a grassroots campaign to get onto a postage stamp. The Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee every year considers proposals for various famous and celebrated Americans to receive their own stamps and reportedly he could be on a stamp as soon as 2010. The initial hope had been to get a stamp in time to commemorate the anniversary of Wilt’s record 100 point game on March 2, 1962 but since the committee only approves 4 stamps a year it might have to wait. However, if Wilt can just get a letter from every woman he’s nailed, he should be well on the way to a overwhelming majority vote in his favor.

02
Apr
08

But All That Precious Cat Gut!

Mikhail Youzhny is a young Russian man who is ranked 11th in the ATP Men’s tennis rankings–ha, as if you didn’t already know! I know all my readers are rabid tennis-maniacs–who was playing in a match down in Miami the other day when he lost a point and took it quite personally. He ends up hurting himself so badly he is forced to take a timeout so he can be treated by a trainer to staunch the blood! 39 seconds into this video you’ll see what I mean.

See, this is why I’ve always said, “Never play tennis, backgammon or roulette with a Russian, or else someone’s head will bleed.” It’s my only credo.

02
Apr
08

Hey Joe Blanton, What’s That on the Brim of Your Hat?

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I am no expert, but watching the Red Sox-A’s game tonight, I noticed something extremely odd about Joe Blanton’s hat. He kept going to it, often multiple times during an at-bat, and then, at one point, the camera zoomed in on his face and I noticed something very peculiar about the brim of his hat. I have not doctored or edited these photos in any way. Is it me, or is there a distinctly brown section on his hat. Not only that, but isn’t that the section that he keeps going to? Again, I’m not saying that this is definitely pine tar, but that’s what it looks like to me. If anyone has any information, or outlandish theories, please send them in. To me, it looks like there is definitely something not allowed on his hat. It is too localized to be merely a sweat stain from his head. I suppose it is possible that the mark is sweat from his fingers, but I don’t think it is. Check it out and make your own decisions…3347051045_b04eca47f73347050075_7c86287d6c3347886034_f33054196d

Note: these pictures are not immediately following one another but are taken at several points in the game, particularly the 5th inning following Jacoby Ellsbury’s RBI single.

01
Apr
08

Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?

When his first book Juiced, came out, Jose Canseco was ultimately proved to have spoken the truth. When he named names they checked out as steroid users (including an off-hand mention of some 7 time Cy Young winner who is a fat greedy man.)

Now, Jose, desperate and with an ax to grind against MLB Jose proclaimed that Alex Rodriguez and Magglio Ordonez were two other players that he KNEW did steroids in his newest book, Vindicated.

However, if he were so sure, since he was personally involved, why did he wait until now to mention them? Were A-Rod and Maggs unknowns then? No, they were both big-name stars, who would have only helped sell his book even more than just the tales of shooting Mcgwire with steroids in a bathroom stall. So that’s the suspicious thing number 1.

Jose has unabashedly admitted that part of the reason he is writing the book is because he feels that he was unfairly blackballed from baseball because of his steroid past. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but as an industry that is trying to clean itself up, it is probably best not to keep hiring a player whose skills were eroding and whose negative media attention would only be a distraction. Joseph Hazelwood captained the Exxon Valdez into a reef, strangely, he was not seen as an eminently hire-able ship captain after that. Was that so unfair?

Continue reading ‘Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?’

01
Apr
08

Fenway Franks, Now Without Pig Intestine!

At long last, Fenway is undergoing the necessary changes to become a modern baseball stadium. Originally built in 1912, there are some extremely outdated things about the stadium that need to be upgraded. Of course, I’m referring to the fact that for the first time, Fenway, which reportedly sells the most hot dogs of any baseball stadium is adding a new item to the menu; Kosher hot dogs, available from a vending machine.
Yum!

The front of the vending machine, Kosher dogs available 24/6!

The vending machine was recently demonstrated for Aramark and Fenway execs, who wore Red Sox yarmulkes for the taste-test. “We were very impressed,” Haggerty said. “It was a very interesting and unique machine and . . . the hot dogs were very tasty.”

Wayne Feder, the creator of the machine reportedly “first eyed Kosher Vending Industries because his children’s Jewish day school, the Maimonides School in Brookline, lacked a hot lunch program.” [emphasis added]

I think it is safe to say that very few schools across the country offer the hot lunch program. Although, I definitely can think of at least one…

31
Mar
08

Washington Pops Their Cherry Blossom

Today we present you with another guest blogging effort, this time from my good friend Jon Eick who runs the always enjoyable food-obsessed Sogoodblog.com, if you haven’t read it yet, do so immediately. Eick is one of the only people I know who willingly watches and roots for the Nationals. He also once voted for Bush and used to be a Yankees fan, so, there is that too. Anyhoo, he had tickets to both of the games this weekend at their brand new shiny stadium and offered to do a review of the stadium for the readers of The Slanch Report. Buckle up!

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I went to both the first game EVER at Nationals Park, an exhibition game on Saturday against the Orioles, as well as the first OFFICIAL game, last night on ESPN, against the Atlanta Braves.

opening-flags

On Saturday we were only in our seats for about 3 of the 9 innings, because we were exploring everything. I didn’t get to walk around the whole stadium outside and see the trees and plaza and stuff in “front” (i.e. outside the stadium behind the home plate side). Instead, we entered through the CF gate. It’s right by the metro, and when you come out of the metro there is a really cool narrow street called ½ street, which has, or may have soon, a sort of Yawkey Way type feel to it. If they develop it as they hope to, it could be a really fun happening street (happening? You really are a 40 year old trapped in a 20something body). Right now there is no development on it yet, and there weren’t even food vendors there.

When you enter in centerfield there is a big open plaza which is cool, and you still have a great view of the game just from standing there. The cherry blossom trees in left field aren’t in bloom yet, but when they are in a week or two it will definitely be beautiful. (You’re just so damn poetic…)

The food at this ballpark is insanely good. So much good stuff everywhere, and it all appears to be of really high quality. The line for Ben’s chili bowl was about 100 people long for the whole game. However, I discovered that the “Ben’s half smoke” was available at all the food stands. The Ben’s half smoke is going to be THE signature food for Nationals Park. Fenway has Fenway Franks, Dodgers have Dodger Dogs, we have Ben’s Half Smokes. If you don’t know what a half-smoke is, that’s because it is a unique to DC thing. It’s like a 50/50 cross between a spicy sausage and a hot dog. Delicious. And you’ve got to get the Ben’s half-smoke “all-the-way” with chili, onions and mustard. One semi complaint. The food stands don’t each have their own signs, everyplace just has their name in these sort of lit up glowing neon letters, If each food place had their own unique signs, it would make the inside tunnel areas where you get food feel a little bit less strip-mallish.

DC’s own, “Half-Smoke”

There is an abundance of food vendors, underneath/in back of the stands there are just rows and rows of food vendors. Beer, there appeared to be decent selection, including Stella on tap, and what appeared to be 20 or 22 oz cups at certain locations. The restaurant in Centerfield, called “Red Porch” is quite large, as is the “Red Loft” bar above it.

Continue reading ‘Washington Pops Their Cherry Blossom’

31
Mar
08

There Isn’t Enough CGI in the World…

We can’t all stay young and beautiful forever right? In Goldie Hawn’s case, maybe more so than others…

jabba

Someone tell me which one is Jabba and which is Goldie…

Also, someone protect Kate Hudson and don’t let this happen to her.

31
Mar
08

Pierre Gets Benched

For once, common sense wins out over cash! Joe Torre has announced that Andre Ethier and not Juan Pierre will be the starting left fielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Considering that Pierre has some $30-odd million dollars remaining on his contract, (and 3 years, what were you thinking Ned Colletti?) this decision was not as obvious as the numbers seem to dictate.

Ooops!

Understandably, Pierre is pissed. He spent spring training bitching that he wasn’t getting enough at-bats. He ended spring training with the second most ABs on the team. Oh, and a robust .188 batting average. He still managed 6 stolen bases, but frankly, since that is the only value that Pierre brings to a team, that is no reason to start or play him regularly. Ethier in comparison is hitting .377 this spring, plays better defense and doesn’t have a lollipop arm. Also, Juan Pierre’s career never was the same after he shaved off the mustache. I think it was the source of his strength.

Continue reading ‘Pierre Gets Benched’

31
Mar
08

Why I Don’t Play Rugby

Here is some guy named Josh Graham having his testicles grabbed and yanked while playing in a rugby game (match? contest? battle of wills?) in Australia.

According to Graham, the captain of the Cornulla Sharks team Paul Gallen “…grabbed my ‘wheels’ (testicles) and gave them a bit of squeeze, 100 per cent. I looked at the ref and said: ‘What’s doing’. I wasn’t so much cranky but shocked. It’s never happened to me before. He didn’t just grab one ‘wheel’. He grabbed the whole package and it hurt at the time.”

Gallen vehemently denied touching or grabbing Graham’s genitals.

I’d play rugby if I wasn’t short, slow and uncomfortable being in a scrum with lots of sweaty men. This picture reminds me why I used to play tennis instead, at least then my wheels were safe with my power-train axle guiding us along.

penis.

31
Mar
08

I Simply Cannot Compete With This

With one of the more incredible and wonderful headlines I’ve ever seen, I present you this story about Formula One President Max “British Charleton Heston” Mosely.

I can’t invent stories this good. 5 hookers? Check. Sex orgy? You got it. Nazi sex games? I don’t even know what that entails, but check. Son of the founder of the British Fascist Party? Big check.

Seriously. This is a story that you have to read.

“They’ll have to pry my hookers out of my cold, dead hands.”
31
Mar
08

It’s the Greatest Day of the Year!

This afternoon the MLB season kicks off in full swing today with 14 games on tap. Finally!

Color me excited.




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