The Slanch Report

According to this article, Seattle has an approximately 12.9% gay population, second only to San Francisco, which makes this story even more ridiculous. Sirbrina Guerrero recently attended a game against the Red Sox at Safeco Field, intending to watch the Mariners continue in their struggle against success. Unfortunately she got a lot more heartache than is normal from a Mariners game.

It seems that Ms. Guerrero is a lesbian, and she attended the game with some friends and her lover, ALSO A LESBIAN! Horror! Even worse, she kissed her LESBIAN LOVER on the lips! The nerve of these people… This disgusting bit of information is not where the story ends though. That’s because a mother sitting behind them saw the two women kiss and was obviously horrified, so she dutifully and properly reported the incident to a security guard.

Siribrina Guerrero is out to convert the world to rampant lesbianism and must be stopped

“And he (the security guard) goes ‘there’s a lady whose son says he saw you guys making out, and I did, too. And you have to stop.’ And I said ‘well, we weren’t making out, but we were kissing and I’m not going to stop,'” said Guerrero. The security guard then said, “The mom doesn’t want to explain to the kids why two girls are kissing.” Guerrero said, “So I said ‘well, I’m not going to stop, so you’ll have to kick me out. So he said ‘so I suggest you leave then.”‘

Who do these lesbians think they are? I mean, in a city where the gay population thrives, haven’t they done enough? I mean, this mother is clearly caring about her children, and the sheer difficulty in trying to explain to her overprotected douchebag kids that two women can be together and love one another and such is simply a burden that shouldn’t be placed upon a parent. After all, if her kids see two women kiss who knows what else it might lead to, maybe her son will become a GAY! That’s how it spreads after all, you see two lesbians kiss and then you get infected and then BAM one day you’re a homo.

This mother just came to the game to try and show her children the joy of America’s pastime but instead was treated to a filth show. I am horrified for her. No one expects to go to a baseball game and see people kissing, least of all the GAYS. We all know that it says somewhere in the Bible that you aren’t supposed to be gay–it makes Jesus and polar bears cry. And polar bears are endangered! I am obviously on the side of this heartbroken mother whose children now know that there exists a chance for them to be happy with whomever they might be attracted to, unlike their father who married their stupid dumb bitch of a mother to cover up his own gay urges; that’s why he is always going up to the attic to read those men’s fitness and muscle magazines in his “special” corner…

After Guerrero was spoken to by the security guard at the game, she went around and took pictures of other couples who kissed but were not reprimanded; those couples were all heterosexual. I’m sure that that mother would agree that Safeco was right in not reprimanding those couples, after all, those people are in LOVE and can get MARRIED and make BABIES, whereas lesbians only want to STEAL babies for their disgusting witch rituals that cause Lillith Fair concerts to spring forth from the ground.

I can only conclude that these two women were viciously making out, probably fingerblasting each other and using things like this while watching Jose Vidro struggle to hit a single.

I mean, because that would be offensive and worthy of being spoken to by security. But according to Guerrero when questioned if she and her date were acting lewd in any way that would have prompted such a firm response from the security guard, Guerrero said, “We were eating garlic fries. The last thing we wanted to do was make out with each other. Honestly, that’s what it was.”

Sure. Just another lesbian lie so they can join with the forces of Satan to try and take away the America that was promised to us all by Jesus. It makes me sad.

UPDATED

The guys over at withleather have done a little bit of investigation on my story and Sirbrina Guerrero is also going to be a contestant on the upcoming Tila Tequila “reality” dating show on MTV and is on the cover of some magazine here, although that doesn’t take away from the idiocy of the Safeco security guards.