More Atrocities Against Cubs Fans

Denise Richards stopped by Wrigley over the weekend to take part in the traditional singing of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, and her rendition was less than stellar. It’s a shame someone so pretty could release such AWFUL sounds out of her mouth; I’m pretty sure all the animals in the area of Waverly Ave started howling and shrieking because of this. It’s such a shame because after Starship Troopers it looked like her career was unstoppable, I guess being unable to act out of a paper bag makes it harder to succeed; also, she should have gotten naked in Starship Troopers, or at least come back for the third one like Casper Van Dien.

4245907After hearing that atrocity against humanity, it is no wonder that many Cubs fans might wish for death; thankfully, the Bohemian National Cemetary in Chicago’s North Side has the perfect option for a real fan’s final resting place, a replica of the center field wall. Featuring 288 “skyboxes” for urns, loved ones can come visit their passed relatives and view the wall, sitting in 4 real seats from Wrigley that face the wall, or families can play catch on authentic Wrigley sod in front of the wall. Several families have already moved their previously deceased relatives and still-alive fans have also reserved spots in the special wall.

Isn’t being a Cubs fan hard enough, why would you want to take that constant disappointment into the ever-after?


2 Responses to “More Atrocities Against Cubs Fans”

  1. 1 myummers
    May 4, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    a couple of thoughts:

    1. the “celebrity” 7th inning stretch singing has got to stop. the novelty or cuteness or whatever you want to call it has long since worn off. hey, i love traditions, but this one has got to stop. it’s not like wrigley field and the cubs are hurting for traditions; i think they’ll be ok without this tired one.
    2. denise richards. denise. fucking. richards. is a celebrity? is relevant to baseball or any sports? is relevant to chicago? can sing? people like her? she has talent? answers? no, no, no, NO, no, NO are the answers. are we surprised denise richards can’t sing? no? umm…..ok, great, so don’t invite her.

    it was fun when mike ditka or mark grace or ernie banks or michael jordan, or even the occasional chicagoland high school winning team sang the anthem. but when they have the jonas brothers, a teacher from joliet, and andres nocioni, i think it becomes something less than special.

  2. 2 Garnold
    May 4, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    Watched Greg Maddux and Fergie Jenkins sing during the stretch yesterday, it was dope.

    also, this isn’t LA. denise richards needs to go home. chicago has no time for your giant foobs and weird helmet face.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

May 2009


%d bloggers like this: