Archive for October 20th, 2009

20
Oct
09

“It’s Bad, I’m Wearing a Bag on My Head”

I get that rooting for the 2-4 Washington Redskins has to be difficult this season, their play is completely uninspired, their performances miserable and of course, they have a racist name. Fans have turned against the team already and are desperate for anything good to happen, they have a long ways to go. Several fans have taken to wearing a paper bag over their heads in shame.

I get that. What I don’t get is that part of the reason you wear the bag over your head is to HIDE your face because you are so embarrassed to be rooting for the team that they have made you ashamed, so then why do you agree to an interview with the local news where you GIVE YOUR NAME?!!?!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2009 Washington Redskins: Where fans have zero hope.

[NBC Washington]

20
Oct
09

Track Ochocinco’s Every Movements With Your iPhone

chadjohnsonpicFINALLY! Fans who weren’t satisfied with his exploits on Twitter, UStream and myriad other modern communication services now have ANOTHER way to follow Chad Ochocinco and his exploits — like paying hookers with checks that bounce — his own iPhone app.

Developed with the aid of Bengals backup QB (and brother of starter Carson) Jordan Palmer fans can, for the low price of $4.99 follow everything Ochocinco does, from his tweets, photos and videos to asking advice on dating or whatever. They can also send him their own photos and track where he is each day he’s on the road.

Palmer, who started an iPhone app company somewhat recently considers this app to be their most ambitious yet. He also said that they are in the process of making a similar app for fellow loud-mouth receiver Terrell Owens.

[ESPN]

20
Oct
09

Talk About Ringing the Bell

Pepperdine Sophomore guard Keion Bell has made a reputation for himself for his athletic abilities and in particular his dunking skills. At the team’s opening event on Friday he made his legend just a little bit bigger when he lined up 5 of his teammates and dunked over them.

I could do that I just don’t because I can’t get 5 people to ever listen to me at a single time. Also, that mascot still creeps me out.

20
Oct
09

Brad Penny Partakes in Some Smirnoff Action

Brad Penny wasn’t so lucky on the field when he played for the Red Sox this season; however, he turned his season around, and made himself some money, by putting up strong numbers down the stretch for the San Francisco Giants. Off the field Penny has done very well for himself, including dating for a time Alyssa Milano who is far far far far far far out his league. He’s done it again as noted scumbags and rumor-mongers TMZ captured a video of Penny making out with his apparent new love interest, Dancing With the Stars dancer Karina Smirnoff. I don’t get it, he looks like he was hit in the face with a paint bucket of ugly, yet he attracts these hotties. Is it just that he’s rich? It’s not like he’s some highly tuned athlete, I’m probably in better shape than he is.

Then again, she dated Mario Lopez for two years, so clearly she doesn’t have much in the way of taste…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[TMZ]

20
Oct
09

Seattle Gets Better as Johjima Decides to Return to Japan

JohjimaWow! The Seattle Mariners just got incredibly fortunate, their catcher Kenji Jojhima has opted out of his contract and is intending to return to Japan to finish his career there. The first Japanese catcher in the majors, Johjima’s first two seasons were solid, with his best campaign coming in his rookie season when he put up an OPS+ of 103, hitting .291/.332/.451 with 18 HRs. After the first two years his production dropped precipitously, which of course led to the idiotic decision to RESIGN him to a three-year extension for $24 million.

Thankfully for Mariners fans, they can now move on and aren’t on the hook for the remaining $16 million on his contract. While GM Jack Zduriencik denies that the team bought-out any of the contract, this turns out to be incredibly fortuitous for the team and their future. Sure, they don’t have a particularly good catcher in Rob Johnson, but he’s still better than the marginal Johjima whose OPS+s went from 103, 101, 68 and then 84 last season in only 71 games.

The 33-year-old catcher told reporters that:

After lots of very deep thought and deliberation, I have decided to return home to resume my career in Japan. I have had a wonderful experience competing at the Major League level. The last four years have been extraordinary, with great teammates and great coaches.

I will always be indebted to the Mariners organization for giving me the opportunity to follow my dream. This was a very difficult decision, both professionally and personally. I feel now is the time to go home, while I still can perform at a very high level. Playing close to family and friends was a major factor. I will miss the Seattle fans and their gracious support. Thank you all.

Now with Johjima’s contract Adrian Beltre’s nearly $13 million coming off the books, the team has some $20 million available to spend to upgrade their team. However, since this season’s free-agent class is highly lackluster, that’s not a great boon. Perhaps this means though that they pursue someone like John Lackey, the best pitcher available on the market. Or — even worse for me and the Red Sox’ lust for Felix Hernandez — perhaps the money could be used as a starting point for a new contract for the supremely talented 23-year-old ace. Regardless, the team just got better through a subtraction that doesn’t appear to cost them anything.

[USS Mariner]

20
Oct
09

Titans Fans Left Hungry After Patriots Beatdown

Titanscoupon3In this economy nearly everyone has been forced to cut back on the things we love; say you’re a pepperoni pizza addict but the extra charge for toppings has just become too much for you. Papa Johns decided to help, affixing a coupon to their pizza boxes to customers in the Memphis area.

Unfortunately, the conditions of the coupon are that for every touchdown the Titans score customers get the same number of toppings free; since they were shut out by the Patriots with a 59-0 drubbing, it looks like all those pepperoni addicts are in trouble.

Considering how the season has progressed so far for the 0-6 Titans, this promotion looks to leave many Titans fans disappointed.

Thankfully the promotion ends 11/8, meaning fans won’t be tortured for too much longer. Although it does mean that they’re left paying for all those delicious toppings…

[The Mac Bros]

20
Oct
09

Phillies Win to the Delight of the Hometown Analysts

As the battle of attrition that are the League Championship series continues, it appears that the team to win the World Series will be the one whose closer is in marginal suck-land as opposed to full-on blow-it mode.

Here though is a great video of Comcast Sportsnet host Michael Barkann and his co-hosts for the Phillies post-game show, Darren Daulton and Ricky Bottalico, watching the end of the Phillies game last night.  I think they’re excited.

[Hot Clicks]

20
Oct
09

Delaware State Goes to Michigan, Plays One Game, Loses Two

delawarestateThis past Saturday Delaware State traveled to take on Michigan in what quickly became a giant rout. Last spring Michigan offered Delaware State a $550,000 payment to come play, which seemed too good for the Hornets to pass up, despite their already have scheduled a game against North Carolina A&T. When Delaware’s league couldn’t reschedule their game, the school opted to forfeit the game in advance.

The Wolverines then manhandled the Hornets to the tune of 63-6. Ouch. Michigan in total had 727 yards of offense, that’s not just an ass-kicking that’s a full on ass-pummeling.

“Michigan played just like they played on the DVDs,” said Delaware State coach Al Lavan. “… I was not shocked, but I was surprised at how much the domination was.”

So, knowing that his team would be crushed, Lavan agreed to the game, I guess to teach his kids a valuable lesson about character — namely being humiliated is fine so long as you get paid. Although, of course, the players receive NO payment, and only get humiliated, but at least Delaware State got some loot right… right? Guys?

Even worse, because of the forfeit, the Delaware State Hornets rolled into Ann Arbor 1-3, after their inevitable loss, the left town at 1-5 thanks also to their forfeit. Well played gents. I hope the school’s accountants were happy at least.

[SI]

20
Oct
09

Train Holds Up Marathon

Iowa MarathonSunday’s Des Moines Marathon was going to plan, the leaders were headed to the finish line, they could see it only 400 meters away but they were stopped in their progress. Despite letting the Iowa Interstate Railroad (IIR) authorities know that the race would be crossing the tracks and arranging for no trains to come through, a long freight train was going through no matter what.

“It’s one of those things, when I heard through our communications — what can you do at that time?” Race Director Chris Burch asked.

The eventual winner, Kenyan Simon Sawe said he was shocked to see the freight train, “Nobody is prepared for that scenario,” Sawe told The Des Moines Register. “I couldn’t believe it. It was a long train.”

Because he was forced to wait, Sawe’s lead dwindled and fellow Kenyan David Tuwei was about to catch up. Once the train cleared the two men sprinted to the finish line, with Sawe winning by about 5 seconds. Can you imagine how furious Sawe would (justifiably) have been had he lost the race because of the train?

Mick Burkhart, Iowa Interstate Railroad vice president, apologized via e-mail. He said the railroad was aware of the race and had agreed not to operate in the area during the marathon.

“Due to some miscommunication, a train was allowed into the race area before it was supposed to,” Mick Burkhart of the IIR said. “There is no excuse for this happening.”

[Fox News]

20
Oct
09

This Year’s Best Promotions at the Ballpark

Ever wonder what promotions are the most successful at the ballpark? Well the Sports Business Journal looked at this year’s attendance numbers and found the affect that the various promotions had on attendance figures. Who knew that Webkinz were so popular, averaging a nearly 32% increase in attendance. I would have thought bobbleheads would be higher up on the list. I’d also wager that nearly all of the magnetic schedule days are on or around Opening Day hence the larger number there which skews the results slightly. I also love that Health Awareness day and College Night’s are both negative draws at the box office.

Giveaways
Category (dates) Attendance Average % Change
Webkinz toy (17) 677,562 39,857 31.60%
Blanket (11) 404,166 36,742 21.20%
Banner/pennant (10) 350,536 35,054 15.60%
Magnetic schedule (41) 1,411,969 34,438 13.70%
Bobblehead (75) 2,555,561 34,074 12.70%
Figurine (29) 957,161 33,006 8.90%
Cap (85) 2,752,213 32,379 7.00%
Backpack/bag (48) 1,522,580 31,720 4.60%
Jersey (34) 1,070,513 31,486 3.80%
Lunch box/school supplies (25) 743,502 29,740 -2.00%
Calendar (23) 680,350 29,580 -2.60%
Poster (33) 929,173 28,157 -7.30%
Helmet/gloves (14) 389,031 27,788 -8.50%
Shirt (67) 1,803,625 26,920 -11.60%
Baseball cards (11) 221,924 20,175 -33.50%
Promotions
Category (dates) Attendance Average % Change
Team history tribute (19) 655,280 34,488 13.80%
Autographs (48) 1,598,118 33,294 9.90%
Fan appreciation day (29) 960,266 33,113 9.20%
Concert (36) 1,188,728 33,020 8.90%
Fireworks (195) 6,384,812 32,743 8.60%
Run the bases (53) 1,723,097 32,511 7.30%
Cultural celebration (61) 1,940,501 31,811 4.90%
Military day (28) 845,447 30,195 -0.60%
Concessions discount (122) 3,545,640 29,063 -4.50%
Health awareness day (26) 740,762 28,491 -6.20%
Kids day (60) 1,688,884 28,148 -7.40%
Family day (41) 1,100,960 26,853 -11.70%
Pet day (15) 394,303 26,287 -13.50%
Little League day (26) 680,675 26,180 -13.90%
College night (22) 531,875 24,176 -20.50%
Source: Teams, SportsBusiness Journal research

[Sports Business Journal]

20
Oct
09

The Human Jumbotron is Dope

This simply could never happen in America, there’s no way we could ever get this organized and work together.

20
Oct
09

Mariano Rivera Loads Up a Spitball

He is the greatest closer in post-season history but during last night’s game against the Angels it appeared that Mariano needed a little something extra. He turns his back from the plate, looks around to see if anyone is paying attention and then BLOOP, he SPITS on the ball. Now I’m not idiotic enough to think that this is the reason for his long history of success, but for this one moment, Mariano CLEARLY is cheating. Of course, the spitball was banned from MLB in 1920, so it’s not like this is something new to Mariano, I mean, he’s old but not THAT old…

Amazingly none of the other 5 umpires on the field noticed anything and while the TV cameras caught it, there was no mention or acknowledgement whatsoever. Astonishing.

Mariano Rivera Spit on Ball3Mariano Rivera Spit on Ball4

What do you think? Is he cheating or just “accidentally” spitting on the ball.

[Halos Heaven]




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

October 2009
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Categories