Archive for October 16th, 2009


NFL Coach or Dictator, More Alike Than You Think

BelichickAhmadinejadThe perfect thing to help you into your weekend has come along from the good folks over at Mental Floss; here is an awesome quiz, “Who Said It? Dictator of NFL Coach?”

With questions like “Short speeches make long friendships. I learned that a long time ago,” and the answer being either Bill Belichick or Mahmoud Ahadinejad the choices aren’t easy. I scored a 92 myself.

Good luck!

[Mental Floss]


Seriously Dude, Rethink Your Life


If I ever need to vomit I don’t need to stick my fist down my throat, now I can just look at this picture.

[NYC Barstool Sports]


Don’t Leave Me Hanging

Last week’s Wisconsin/Ohio State game was not going especially well for the Badgers. QB Scott Tolzien had 2 interceptions returned for touchdowns and had very few good plays. When he finally gets one he comes off the field PUMPED and looking for some love; his teammates do not pick him up.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Total Pro Sports]


How Else Could His Right Arm Get So Muscular?

Matthas Schlitte22-year-old German Matthas Schlitte has been arm-wrestling competitively since he was 16 and it only takes one look at him to see that he has dedicated himself to being a top arm-wrestler. That’s because Schlitte’s right forearm is MASSIVE, measuring 18 inches, which is a huge contrast to his left arm, which looks puny and tiny in comparison.

Schlitte’s giant right-arm has been successful leading him to first place finishes in several competitions including the Iron Curtain Armwars in Blackburn and the German Championships in Haltern.

Hmm…started at 16, one forearm DRASTICALLY is bigger than the other, what would a 16-year-old be doing so much that he would increase the muscle mass in just his right arm so much…hmm…there has to be something else besides arm-wrestling that led to this girth.

Oh, wait! I got it! Masturbation! Well-played Matthas, I get it, you didn’t want everyone to know how much you were jerking it so you went all out and happened to be good at arm-wrestling too. Hey, it’s not your fault buddy, you were 16 and feeling as these new and exciting feelings, plus that gust of wind hit you in just the right way and you couldn’t help but abuse yourself. Well, at least you’re putting your special purpose to good use. And they say masturbation won’t get you anywhere…

[Daily Mail]


My Name is My NAME!

chrisbosh1After nearly 6 months Toronto Rapto Chris Bosh has finally won his suit against a cybersquatting company that had registered the domain “” and nearly 800 other athlete’s names.

Luis Zavala and his company had registered dozens of domains using various NBA players’ names including stars like Deron Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Rashard Lewis, Danny Granger and Maurice Williams using their celebrity to drive traffic and earn advertising dollars, without the players’ permission.

In her final ruling, Judge Florence-Marie Cooper relinquished control of to the Raptors star, as well as giving him possession of the nearly 800 other domain names Zavala had registered.

“I am thrilled that I am able to offer the return of these domain names to a host of other athletes and celebrities whose names were cybersquatted,” Bosh said in a statement Wednesday. “I will offer the return of the domain names free of charge.”

B0sh also won $120,000 in April for the violation of his rights under the U.S. Federal Anti-Cybersquatting Consumer Protection Act in a California federal court.

Of course, cybersquatting is totally lame, and Chris Bosh shouldn’t have his name being used without his permission but I’m a bit confused as to why the Judge gave Bosh possession over the other domain names, why not just return them to the proper people. Sure, he SAYS he’s going to return them, but what if he decides he hates Andrea Bargnani and just refuses to give it back?



Winter Olympics to Finally Feature More Swordplay

kirpanNormally swords are a bit out of place at the Winter Olympics — although I would pay good money to see the curling teams duke it out on the ice — but at the Vancouver games the Integrated Security Unit announced that Sikhs who are participating in the games will be allowed to wear kirpans — a ceremonial sword considered a sacred religious symbol — around the venues.

Anyone wearing a kirpan will be required to inform security before entering any of the venues, providing they follow these stipulations.

  • All articles — including unshorn hair, turban, comb, steel bracelet, kirpan and soldier’s shorts — of faith must be worn.
  • The maximum total length of the kirpan, including the sheath, may not exceed 19 centimetres with a blade of not more than 10 centimetres and a handle of five centimetres or less.
  • The kirpan must be worn in keeping with Sikh traditions, including being secured into its sheath, attached to a fabric belt and worn across the torso.
  • The kirpan must be worn under clothing and not easily accessible.

If any of the conditions aren’t met security can refuse admission. The change was brought about because a study conducted by the security officials found that there are very few incidents where a kirpan was used as a weapon.

[Calgary Herald]


Bills are Driving Their Fans to Extreme Measures

Buffalo Bills suckYou know how you know when things are going really bad and that the fans are turning against you, when an unemployed 18-year-old raises over $1400 through the Internet to buy time on a billboard telling Buffalo Bills team owner Ralph Wilson that “It’s time to clean house, RALPH.”

Ryan Abshagen from New Freedom, PA who organized the campaign said “I honestly never thought it would ever be this big. Fans are disgruntled. It’s out there. It’s big. People are going to hear about it.”

Starting next week the ad will flash up to 3,000 times a day on a billboard overlooking I-190. In addition to the message to Wilson will be a checklist of who the fans want fired, head coach Dick Jauron, chief college scout Tom Modrak and VP of pro personnel John Guy.

Last week’s miserable outing against the Browns, where for the second time in three weeks the team was unable to muster a single touchdown was the final straw for many fans. One group of fans stood up with matching T-shirts spelling “FIRE DICK NOW,” while the always enjoyable paper-bag headed fans were also in attendance.

Abshagen came up with the idea initally after the 38-10 drubbing by the Dolphins on Oct. 4 and began soliciting donations, but after the Browns game, and thanks to some publicity via the local news he raised $1125 in three days, giving him enough to rent another billboard or to extend the ad another week.

“We don’t hate anybody,” Abshagen said, when asked about how the message might be interpreted. “The donors and myself included, we don’t mean any harm or wish to insult anyone. We simply just want to get our voice out as fans.”‘

I for one hope more and more fans become this proactive and put their bitching to good use. In the meantime, let’s just marvel at how cheap billboard time is in Buffalo, we should all get together and get some Slanch Report billboard time.



If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Already (and Tom Brady)

Brady CondoMost of us will never have the chance to get close to either Tom Brady or his lovely bride Gisele Bundchen, but if you have $10.9 million lying around you can at least putter around his old pad; on Monday Tom Tremendous listed his luxury duplex penthouse condo on the market.

In 2006 Tom, showing excellent business acumen, purchased an entire limestone mansion, originally built in 1871, converting it into 4 condos plus the penthouse. His 5,311 square foot apartment was designed by the same designer who recently did the Mandarin Oriental Boston and features multiple gas fireplaces, a gourmet kitchen, roof deck, high-tech entertainment media room as well as panoramic views of the Charles River and Cambridge. The three bedrooms are on the lower floor and the master bedroom has amenities like a steam shower, his-and-her dressing rooms and a private balcony. The apartment also comes with 4 garage parking spaces plus an outdoor space, which in Boston is ridiculously extravagant and awesome.

With Gisele pregnant and his son Jack with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynihan, Brady must be looking for a bit more room for his growing family. Tom originally moved to Boston when he first became a Patriot, liking the feel of being in the city, now that he’s a family man it must be time to head to the suburbs. I just want to make sure I’m in the same PTA that Gisele joins.

[Wicked Local]


Irish Tenor “I Was Too Stupid With my Mouth.”

ronan-tynanAt Yankee Stadium during the 7th inning stretch Irish Tenor Ronan Tynan’s voice comes over the public address system to belt out “God Bless America.” As a means to fuck with the opposing pitcher (and for special occasions) Ronan comes in person and milks the song for about 35 minutes. He was supposed to come in and sing it at tonight’s ALCS game 1 but his silky mouth got him in trouble instead.

While in his apartment building he bumped into a real estate broker showing an apartment on his floor, “Don’t worry they are not Red Sox fans,” the broker told him.
“I don’t care about that, as long as they are not Jewish,” he responded. The pediatrician who was looking at the apartment, Gabrielle Gold-von Simson was astonished and asked, “Why is that?”

According to her, Tynan retorted that other Jewish women had looked at the apartment previously and they were “scary.”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

He of course, claims that he was joking throughout but as Gold-von Simson told NBC – New York, “I didn’t know him at all so how could I take it as a joke.” She did however get one of the weirder apartment hunting experiences ever.

To show that he isn’t anti-Semitic, Tynan pulled out this classic quote: “I’m not anti-Semitic and I have never been in my life. There are three members of my band that are Jewish.  And I love them like brothers.  I call them my brothers from another mother.” So that settles it right?

Even though he’s not anti-Semitic Tynan has apologized and agreed to make a donation to the NYU hospital the good doctor works at and she is willing to accept his gestures, “Absolutely,” she said. “It was a sincere apology.”

“It’s something misfortunate,” Tynan said, “I was too stupid with my mouth.”

[NBC – New York]


We Are All Witnesses (That LeBron Could Have Swine Flu)

We-are-all-witnesses--lebron-james-546521_1024_768Having already come down with the flu, LeBron James and several of his Cavs teammates are being treated by the team for swine flu as a precaution. While the test results haven’t come back, the team has opted to err on the side of caution.

After spending the day in bed LeBron told reporters, “I think I’m over it now. If you get sick, then I wasn’t.”

While he wasn’t happy to be sick, LeBron was glad that it at least took place during the pre-season, “If it’s going to happen, now is the best time,” he said. “I don’t want anyone to get sick. But if this is the time the flu bug is going to hit our team, I’m glad it’s happening now.”

Fortunately, LeBron’s teammates are handling the loss of their superstar maturely, “People are always messing with you, ” LeBron said, “When you come back around they’re like, ‘Oh, you’ve got the cooties.’ They don’t want to be around you.”



Kareem Blows it on Jeopardy

For those of you who aren’t religious watchers of Jeopardy, they’ve been conducting an extended celebrity tournament where once a week famous people compete for the chance to earn $1 million for the charity of their choice. Last night featured Soledad O’Brien, Michael McKean and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; all was going decently until Kareem came up against the “I Went to UCLA” category, which, since Kareem DID go to UCLA should have been a lay-up.

As you can see in this video, when he is provided with a line HE SPOKE in Airplane, Kareem manages to get the question regarding Bill Walton wrong. Ooops!

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October 2009