Posts Tagged ‘Wrestling


Does This Count as a Lemon Party?

ric_Flair_02Because there is nothing in life better than watching old men roll around with one another, Ric Flair is set to wrestle Hulk Hogan starting in November.

Sure, Hogan is a mere 56 years old, but Flair rolls in at a robust 63. Now the two AARP-eligible wrasslers are going to square off against each other first in Australia and then in several other international locales. Wooo! 

You’d be forgiven for thinking Flair was retired, since he he held a retirement match in March of ’08 and then was given a send-off, but that won’t keep the Nature Boy down.

hulk-hoganReportedly Flair is, you guessed it, BROKE. And since Hogan has been undergoing a nasty divorce, this probably seems like the best idea for the two aging former superstars to make some scrilla. Of course, there’s plenty of history between these two, Flair for instance hammered Hulk in his book accusing Hogan of attempting to shoot Ric’s son and sabotaging Flair’s WCW career. 

Even better, the Australian tour and the future shows are supposed to become also a REALITY SERIES! Since that’s worked so well for Hulk so far…

[Camel Clutch]


Don’t Discount Mike Tyson’s Fame

During a grappling tournament in Beijing, China last week one of the wrestlers opted to take a more Tysonian view of his opponent and bit a healthy chunk off his opponent, drawing blood.

Alibieke, a wrestler from the western province of Xinjiang was given a warning and “criticism,” but was allowed to continue the match, ultimately winning 2-0. Understandably, Yeerlanbieke Katai the opposing wrestler was less than enthused. “Katai let out a bloodcurdling cry and protested to the referee that he had been bitten,” Xinhua news agency said in a report reproduced by the Beijing News.

“If it wasn’t for that, I would have definitely finished that attack and taken the set,” Katai continued, saying that he was in a prime attacking position right before the attack took place. After the match Katai sported a “huge” bite mark near his elbow.

Obviously, the Chinese officials are taking the whole thing in stride. “Wrestling is an intense sport… Athletes, it can be said, are exerting their all and sometimes are not able to control themselves very well,” said Dong Shenghui, wrestling director within China’s General Administration of Sports.

How very understated, Dong.



Why to NEVER Wrestle

In eighth grade I decided to join the wrestling team for my winter activity. After one practice which involved way too much running, and then close contact with other sweaty, smelly teenage boys I quit and joined the basketball team instead. I played 4 minutes every game, averaged 2 three pointers per game and that was plenty. Now, after this story, I’m REALLY glad I quit. Three York College students are suing the school because after wrestling with a teammate during practice they all contracted herpes. First of all, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The complaint states that one of the team’s wrestlers had Herpes Simplex Virus 1 lesions on his skin which held him out of practice for three days, then, the team’s trainer bandaged up the lesions and sent herpes boy out to wrestle. For the next few weeks various members of the wrestling team then started noticing herpes outbreaks of their own, FUN!

The NCAA actually has herpes wrestling rules which state that wrestlers with herpes must be on antiviral medication for 5 days before they are allowed to practice or compete and that no outbreaks can be covered with bandages to allow a person to compete. So, by those regulations, and based on what the students said happen, it looks like the school is at fault. Of course, that’s just one side of the story, so who knows for certain.

The students are seeking more than $50,000 in damages, which to me is DEFINITELY not enough to cover up the fact that these guys now have the herp. I mean, it’s bad enough that you wrestle, it’s worse that you wrestled some dude with herpes, it’s awful that now they have facial herpes and such. I’m officially terrified.

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

March 2023