The Slanch Report

In eighth grade I decided to join the wrestling team for my winter activity. After one practice which involved way too much running, and then close contact with other sweaty, smelly teenage boys I quit and joined the basketball team instead. I played 4 minutes every game, averaged 2 three pointers per game and that was plenty. Now, after this story, I’m REALLY glad I quit. Three York College students are suing the school because after wrestling with a teammate during practice they all contracted herpes. First of all, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The complaint states that one of the team’s wrestlers had Herpes Simplex Virus 1 lesions on his skin which held him out of practice for three days, then, the team’s trainer bandaged up the lesions and sent herpes boy out to wrestle. For the next few weeks various members of the wrestling team then started noticing herpes outbreaks of their own, FUN!

The NCAA actually has herpes wrestling rules which state that wrestlers with herpes must be on antiviral medication for 5 days before they are allowed to practice or compete and that no outbreaks can be covered with bandages to allow a person to compete. So, by those regulations, and based on what the students said happen, it looks like the school is at fault. Of course, that’s just one side of the story, so who knows for certain.

The students are seeking more than $50,000 in damages, which to me is DEFINITELY not enough to cover up the fact that these guys now have the herp. I mean, it’s bad enough that you wrestle, it’s worse that you wrestled some dude with herpes, it’s awful that now they have facial herpes and such. I’m officially terrified.