Posts Tagged ‘Houston Texans

26
Oct
09

Don’t Be Coy — You Love Twin Cheerleaders

Marisa and Larisa Coy are busy during the week with their day jobs, teaching 6th grade math at two Baytown, TX middle schools, come Sundays, they are at Reliant Field in their duties as cheerleaders for the Texans. The twin 25-year-olds have been members of the Texans cheerleading squad for 5 years now, beating out 900 other young dancers at their first tryouts.

Since becoming Texans cheerleaders they’ve been featured in Sports Illustrated and the Texans cheerleader bikini calendar leading to some fun moments around the ol’ middle school.

“Most of the students already know, but others, when they first find out, they’re generally surprised,” Marisa said. “One of my students said ‘I’ve seen you before,’ so I had to tell him where he saw me.”

That has to be a difficult moment for a 6th grader to come face-to-face with the calendar image he’ s been abusing himself to and find out she’s also your new math teacher. Lord knows I’d have learned the FUCK out algebra though.

Larisa and Marisa Coy

[Houston Chronicle]

17
Sep
09

Dunta Robinson Wants to Get Paid

nfl_a_robinson_195Houston Texan cornerback Dunta Robinson is on the verge of poverty; making a mere guaranteed $9.957 million this season how can he reasonably be expected to survive on such a pittance?

Recognizing his hardships, Dunta took to his shoes to make a statement, writing on his cleats a message to team GM Rick Smith: “Pay me Rick.”

Smith offered a different solution, “Pay ME Dunta,” fining him for conduct detrimental to the team.

“I got here today, and it was in my locker,” Robinson said,  “I knew it was coming because Rick told me [Monday] I was going to get fined.  That’s okay.  I’ve put it behind me.  I’ve moved on.  I’m focused on the Titans.”

The fun won’t end there as the No-Fun-League offices are likely to hand down another fine for Dunta for violating the uniform guidelines.

[Pro Football Talk]

27
Aug
09

A Tale of Two Cities

pe0060434In Houston, Texas, fans at Reliant Stadium may find their thirsts not quite quenched. Where once their cups overfloweth with 24 ounces of great tasting, less filling beer, now their cups runneth dry with a mere 20 ounces. The price, obviously, remains the same.

Vice President for Communications Tony Wyllie had this to say: “If we’d served 24 ounces this year, the price would be higher. Honestly, it was more of a responsibility decision [to try and cut down heavy drinking]. It wasn’t a business decision. … We as the Texans wanted to do the most responsbile thing.”

You bet! This has NOTHING to do with the team making more money…

And to only point out how ass-backwards America is next to our European compatriots, German soccer team Bayern Munich — who are currently stuck in 14th place — will give out 7,000 liters of free beer before their game on Saturday.

Hmm. Less beer for the same price or FREE beer… hmm…hmm… You know, I’m switching allegiances. I’m now a Football fan. You win this round Germany.

[Houston Chronicle and Yahoo]

11
Jun
09

Porno Company Wants to Sponsor the Texans

In an attempt to raise more revenue streams, the NFL recently announced that they’d allow teams to sell space on their practice jerseys to advertisers, which makes sense because you know how fans LOVE to collect practice jerseys. Anyways, now that the door is open, one company has contacted the Houston Texans about sponsoring part of the jersey and the Texans are left having to make a decision. The company in question is Zero Tolerance, (link NSFW) a porno company.

Because there are fewer industries that know how to drum up interest and free publicity better than porno, Zero Tolerance also released a hilarious press statement with such gems as:

“Every team in the league starts the season by saying, that they’ll have Zero Tolerance for losing,” the company said.  “While our offer may not be taken seriously, there is some undeniable synergy between the NFL and the name of our company.”

Of course, there’s ZERO chance that the Texans take Zero Tolerance up on their bid, but the porn company gets a bunch of free publicity and the Texans get to leverage the offer to up the price on a company that they’d actually accept.

[Pro Football Talk]




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

October 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jan    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Categories