Archive for the 'Mustaches' Category


Keep Your Hands off Keith’s ‘Stache!

Great news for those of us in the NYC area, the best three-man baseball booth will be in place next year. At the end of this miserable season, Keith Hernandez of SNY hinted that he might not be returning to the broadcast booth the next season. However, after negotiating his contract, reports are that Keith will be back through at least 2011.

His cohorts in the booth, Gary Cohen and Ron Darling are both signed through 2010 so, let’s hope this next season goes better for the Mets and this wild three-way never ends.

[NY Mets]


Winners Wear Mustaches

I don’t know what it is about closers but Tom Verducci of SI assembled his list of the 10 best closers of all time and most of the list features one form or another of AWESOME facial hair, including some of the best mustaches to never be seen on a 70s porn set. It’s worth checking out.


Now This is Facial Hair

Remember the World Beard and Mustache Championships that happened in late May up in Anchorage, Alaska? Well, I’ve been remiss in not updating you loyal readers with some of the winners at the competition. You might recall that one avid bearder, Phil Olsen had created a group called Beard Team USA and the team actually placed very well in the competition with members winning multiple categories, including placing first and second in the Overall Beard competition, which is the biggest and most prestigious category. Now, here are some of the finest specimens from Beard Team USA starting with David Traver whose braided awesomeness took home 1st place in the Full Beard Freestyle and took home the Overall Champion title as well. For more information about the competition, the competitors and Beard Team USA and plenty more photos, check out their website by clicking here.



Now Here’s a Good Use of the Mustaches Category!


The crowds have been streaming in to Anchorage, Alaska for this weekend’s main event, the World Beard and Mustache Championships. This year over 100 entrants are expected from all corners of the globe; some of the biggest names involved this year include, “Elmar Weisser of Germany, two-time full beard freestyle world champion…Up-and-comer Gunnar Rosenquist of Sweden, whose super-gnome whiskers have propelled him through the ranks in the full beard natural category…[and] Austria’s Franz “Schani” Mitterhauser has won awards in the Beard Olympics, Superbeard, International German and European Championships.”

Phil Olsen, self-appointed captain of Beard Team USA though thinks that this is America’s year.  “The Germans have always dominated,” he admitted. “They invented the game, made the rules, defined the categories and hosted most of the championships. They’ve brought the art up to a much higher level than we’ve been able to. But my mission, for the past 10 years, has been to make the U.S. competitive, a powerhouse. We’ve got ’em now on our home turf. Beard Team USA is fired up. We’re expecting to do really well.”

The competition’s judges will evaluate beards and mustaches in 18 categories, “everything from Kaiser Wilhelm moustaches to goatees, sideburns and gigantic full formations woven into fanciful shapes that bring to mind illustrations in old fairy tale books.”

All the profits from the event will be donated to a local Alaskan charity, might I suggest Beards for Tots, providing youngsters who are unable to grow facial hair a way not stand out amongst their peers.

There are plenty of tickets still available and Anchorage is a short flight from anywhere (providing you are already in Siberia) so you should jump at the opportunity.

After the jump, join us at admiring some of our favorite beards that showed up to compete, and of course, there is a larger gallery that you can check out here.


Continue reading ‘Now Here’s a Good Use of the Mustaches Category!’


Gisele and Welker, What Could Have Been

No wonder Tom Brady rushed to put a ring on Gisele; according to Page 6, during the Carnival celebrations in Rio while Tommy boy was rehabbing his knee his favorite little receiver Wes Welker was down there partying it up with Gisele. Wes was all up in Gisele’s private box suite, even sambaing with her! Tom must have gotten worried that Welker’s southern porn ‘stache might have stolen Gisele away hence the marriage.

Still, well played Tom.

[NY Post]


A Note

Today we here at the Slanch Report had our 400,000 reader, all since March. I want to thank everyone for reading and hope that you will continue and keep telling your friends. Or if it has been 3 people just constantly reloading the page and changing IP addresses, I thank you for your dedication. So keep coming back and I’ll keep bringing you fun stuff.

Most importantly, pitchers and catchers report in 21 days!


Mustaches Make the Hockey Player

The Everett Silvertips are a junior hockey team up in Canada, and for those of you fools who weren’t following their recent 6 game road trip and just read the box scores, all you see is that they finished the trip with 8 out of a possible 12 points. Not too shabby. But much like the Sacramento Rivercats over the summer, the road success has been fueled by the power of the new mustaches the team has grown. Mustaches like this one living on the upper lip of forward Kyle Beach:

Sassy! ““Absolutely [the winning streak was due to] the mustache,” Beach said, “We couldn’t have done it without them. It kept our upper lip warm when we were out there in the cold, so definitely the points came from the mustaches.”

The impetus for the ‘staches came from the captains, who required everyone to grow one during the trip. Of course, being a junior hockey team, not everyone has the ability to grow a handsome ‘stache, so there were some ugly ones out there on the ice. “Some guys did good, some guys did not very good, but everyone tried to grow it, that’s the whole thing,” defenseman Taylor Ellington said. “It was a team-bonding experience. It brought guys closer together, as weird as it seems that something that small could do that.” To make sure that their mustaches had that extra pop out on the ice, several of the players used Just For Men. Way to go Keith Hernandez, your advertising has worked!

Now that the trip is over, some of the players intend to keep their ‘staches, and of course, they are doing it for the right reasons. “Oh, it’s good,” a smirking Beach answered when asked to evaluate his own mustache. “Girls love it. That’s really all that matters.”

For more pictures of the Silvertips’ ‘staches, check out the gallery here.

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June 2023