Archive for November 14th, 2008

14
Nov
08

Times are Tough in Cincinnati

The Cincinnati Bengals are woeful, their 1-8 record only belies their ineptitude. You’d think after so many years that the Bengals faithful would be used to it, accepting of their position as the bottom feeders of the NFL. Sure there was that one teaser year when Carson Palmer was good and the team was in the playoffs, but as has become quickly apparent, that was the aberration, rather than a sign of things to come. In a desperate attempt to no longer be laughingstocks, some fans in Cincy have bought 4 billboards around town with this message:

Good luck Bengals fans. You have another 15-26 year losing streak coming up. I suggest drinking. I find whiskey helps.

14
Nov
08

The Perfect Gift

Worry no more about still very far off holiday gift-giving; ESPN has created the PERFECT gift for old and young. Whether you aspire to become Karl Ravech or merely one of those random ESPNEWS guys, this is the one and only gift you should be desiring. For ONLY 14.95 you can get the ESPN Sportscaster Mic, which will as ESPN describes, ” Fulfill your dream of being an ESPN announcer.” At last! Sure, most of my ESPN fantasies involve Erin Andrews and me in a mascot costume, but really who doesn’t also want to hold the vaunted ESPN labeled mic and be a part of sports. And with the Sportscaster Mic now you can! “With its built-in speaker, you can announce the game or make the calls from anywhere you want. Three modes of sounds, football, baseball and basketball make you feel like you’re right on the field or court for the big game.” I’ve been waiting for YEARS for there to be finally a speaker that can add in loud, unclear random fan noise so that I can truly be in the game. Plus, think of all the new friends you’ll make when everyone sees that you have the authentic ESPN mic. I know that for me, when I go down to the park and watch kids’ soccer games I won’t have to worry about the police being called anymore, now I can whip something ELSE out and everyone will be impressed and actually WANT to talk to me. So thanks ESPN! Oh, and if my interviewing techniques or game calling skills aren’t up to snuff, the mic also includes advice from real Sportscenter anchor Steve Levy. It’ll be EXACTLY like he’s there next to you, being your friend, in fact, he is contractually obligated to come hang out with you and be your friend on facebook, so, you got that at least.

[Fang’s Bites via The Big Lead]




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