Archive for November 20th, 2008

20
Nov
08

Mustaches Make the Hockey Player

The Everett Silvertips are a junior hockey team up in Canada, and for those of you fools who weren’t following their recent 6 game road trip and just read the box scores, all you see is that they finished the trip with 8 out of a possible 12 points. Not too shabby. But much like the Sacramento Rivercats over the summer, the road success has been fueled by the power of the new mustaches the team has grown. Mustaches like this one living on the upper lip of forward Kyle Beach:

Sassy! ““Absolutely [the winning streak was due to] the mustache,” Beach said, “We couldn’t have done it without them. It kept our upper lip warm when we were out there in the cold, so definitely the points came from the mustaches.”

The impetus for the ‘staches came from the captains, who required everyone to grow one during the trip. Of course, being a junior hockey team, not everyone has the ability to grow a handsome ‘stache, so there were some ugly ones out there on the ice. “Some guys did good, some guys did not very good, but everyone tried to grow it, that’s the whole thing,” defenseman Taylor Ellington said. “It was a team-bonding experience. It brought guys closer together, as weird as it seems that something that small could do that.” To make sure that their mustaches had that extra pop out on the ice, several of the players used Just For Men. Way to go Keith Hernandez, your advertising has worked!

Now that the trip is over, some of the players intend to keep their ‘staches, and of course, they are doing it for the right reasons. “Oh, it’s good,” a smirking Beach answered when asked to evaluate his own mustache. “Girls love it. That’s really all that matters.”

For more pictures of the Silvertips’ ‘staches, check out the gallery here.

20
Nov
08

Hines Ward Sees Cold Fronts

Apparently Hines Ward doesn’t have enough to do breaking people’s jaws and catching passes from every football commentator’s dream man “Ben,” that he needs to take over the forecasting duties on local television. But then again, it’s not as though there is that much to actually do in Pittsburgh so, I guess this makes sense. As for his actual weather delivery skills, I’m not impressed, he’s too casual. This is the 5 day forecast! PEOPLE DEPEND ON THIS HINES! And c’mon, you can’t even wear a suit? I’m disappointed. After the jump see Hines’ foray into a new career.

Continue reading ‘Hines Ward Sees Cold Fronts’

20
Nov
08

Boom Shake Shake Shake the Room

This gallery has some amazing still photos of some big ass hits from the NFL. These are not all from this year with many from seasons past, but frankly, who really cares when you get to see some big men knocking the shit out of one another. Look at Ocho Cinco’s face when he gets popped here, don’t you wish that could happen EVERY time he catches a ball? Check out the full gallery here!

johnsonhit

20
Nov
08

This Seems Slightly Suggestive

Now here’s a headline that I think we can all get behind. I think all of us have used that argument before. Remember ladies, it’s not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

[Fan IQ]

20
Nov
08

Want to Get Aroused?

Ray Moon is the world’s oldest bodybuilder at 80 years old. The octogenarian has gone through polio, cardiac arrest, open heart surgery, twisted bowels, multiple strokes, has a pacemaker and goddamn is he sexy. Feast your eyes on this piece of meat ladies! I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m reexamining my sexuality right now.

109050_large109052_large109054_large0617271800

20
Nov
08

Olympic Pole Dancing, Coming Soon?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

This video has simply too many amazing things going on within it, it’s hard to believe that it is from an actual newscast. First off, the topic is that these women are starting a petition to have pole dancing added to the gymnastic events in the Olympics. OK, that seems strange, but I’m willing to agree that skilled pole dancing does have many impressive gymnastic elements so that’s not ridiculous. Then there is the fact that this newscast is from Utah, the official state of boring people. When was the last time pole dancing and Utah were in the same sentence, let alone in a POSITIVE news story?

Follow that with one of the co-owners of the studio in her giant stripper heels saying that the shoes are only for building strength, “[they] really help my calves get stronger…” she says, ALMOST with a straight face. Meanwhile the video features a lady in fishnets upside down slithering on the pole. Yeah, NOTHING to do with strippers. Throw in the Mormon housewives in the class and this video simply has everything you could ever ask for. And then, just to top off the unintentional comedy in this video, the petition has 300 signatures! 300! And they are trying to become an Olympic sport! I’m not a member of the Olympic Committee, however, I feel safe in saying that you’ll need significantly more than 300 people in UTAH to become an official Olympic sport.

[FAN IQ]

20
Nov
08

Um, What Was I Talking About?

From the Denver Nuggets game the other day, comes this video (via FAN IQ) of one of the Nuggets dancers (Bridget) while the telecast comes out of commercial. There’s something hypnotic about it, particularly in slow motion, that clearly also distracted the announcers. Listen as they start talking and then for some reason get completely off-track and go silent for a few moments. I wonder why. Maybe their nachos just got delivered at that moment. Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Looks like it was quite an exciting basketball game!




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

November 2008
M T W T F S S
« Oct   Dec »
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Categories