Day 1 of the Denver Broncos cheerleaders’ bikini calendar is in the books. Now it’s headed to your spank bank.
Archive for July, 2008
09
Jul
08
I Thought it was Cold in Denver
Friday Night Lights had one of the greatest first seasons in television. The show was awesome, every episode felt real and earned, and other than that every time the team won they did so in incredible fashion, it had nearly no flaws. The second season was a disappointment, with NBC execs meddling and trying to change the show into some Gossip Girl shlock that simply didn’t fit with the show’s vibe. Fortunately the show was saved, and will return for a 3rd season in the fall and until it proves it no longer is good, I am counting on you out there to watch it, so that I may continue watching it.
Alas, according to Entertainment Weekly, the show will be returning without two of it’s stars and more compelling characters, Jason Street and Smash Williams. Street was the star quarterback who was paralyzed in the first episode and Smash was the star, cocky running back. Sure, Tim Riggins will return to drink and chase chicks, and for that I am thankful, but the loss of Jason Street, whose subplot was one of the most compelling on the show, and the large personality of Smash will be sorely missed. Both characters will apparently be given 4 episode arcs to close their stories which is nice, but means that the show better find some suitable replacements. I just hope they don’t do some stupid casting and just remake the characters with new younger actors.
Season 3 will be on a short leash for me, if the show returns to it’s beginnings and takes away the teeny-bopper crap, then it should be just as good as ever, after all, all the Taylors are returning…
Also fortunate, the show is retaining it’s most important assets, the fine trio of Amy Teagarden, Minka Kelly and Adrian Palicki:
The English Premier League is considered one of the, if not the, absolute best soccer leagues in the world. Owning one of the EPL teams is a huge bragging right for the super-rich, people like Malcolm Glazier (owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) and future Bond villain, Roman Abramovich belong to the club. Now, the Newcastle United club is on the market and it appears that a sale is imminent.
According to a report from UPI, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley is very close to selling the club for $600 million to an very successful construction family from the Middle East, the name of the prospective owners? Bin Laden.
Of course, Osama isn’t the one buying the team, his family “disavowed” him years ago.
Sure the Guardian newspaper doesn’t believe that the sale will go through, but what do they know? And besides, that don’t mean I can’t shamelessly speculate.
I hope it doesn’t go through, I really like drinking delicious Newcastles and wouldn’t want to be supporting terrorists every time I had one…
However, I would love to see the newspaper headlines after every game. “The Terrorists win!” “Manchester Gets Bombed by Newcastle” “Newcastle Explodes for 3 Goals!” etc etc, the possibilities are endless!
Because I wouldn’t want anyone out there to not be kept up-to-date on the important college athlete signings, I bring you this bit of important news via Sports by Brooks; Wake Forest University recently scored the 2-time Arizona high school women’s golf champion. The young lady in question, Cheyenne Woods, has been nearly as dominant as her uncle, some guy named Tiger Woods.
The younger Woods, who has been playing golf since she was 5, received training from her late grandfather, Earl Woods, who was instrumental in making Eldrick Woods into Tiger Woods. Unfortunately, because of the distance between their homes, Earl was never able to give her the same kind of instruction that led to Tiger being on his way to the title of greatest golfer of all time. However, both Tiger and Earl watch(ed) video of her playing and provid(ed) advice and evaluation.
Cheyenne has already won the American Junior Golf Association Nike Golf Junior, the Big I Junior Classic and two U.S. Kids Golf World Championships and she also shares quite the resemblance to her famous uncle.
All the hoopla surrounding her doesn’t seem to faze Cheyenne, she told the Charlotte Observer: Continue reading ‘Another Woods Arrives to Dominate Golf’
08
Jul
08
Subscribe via Email!
So, due to (a) reader request(s), we have now added the option for you to subscribe via email to the Slanch Report. You may click here, or on the Feedblitz icon located on the right under where it says “Subscribe via email.” Please sign up if you are interested, or even if not, because the counter looks sad when the numbers are low. We won’t spam you or send out any crazy emails, it merely will send you an email at night of that days posts so that you may catch up all at once. This just adds one more means for you to get all your Slanch Report information, of course there are also the RSS feeds available as well, or you can just good ol’ fashioned visit the site like you’re doing now.
If anyone has any other requests or suggestions for the site, by all means lemme know and send me an email.
Everyone around baseball has been buzzing about the big change for Carsten Charles Sabathia; no, I don’t mean the trade that sent Mr. Sabathia from the Indians to the Milwaukee Brewers, that’s old news. At his introductory news conference, Sabathia had the media staff of the Brewers inform reporters that he prefers to go by CC, not C.C.
Doug Melvin clearly didn’t do all his research about his corpulent new acquisition because, when informed of Sabathia’s period-less preference, his response was a highly surprised, “Oh really?”
New teammate J.J. Hardy also goes by his initials but as of right now has no plans to remove his periods.
Continue reading ‘CC Sabathia and 50 Year Old Women Have Something New in Common’
I know that, like most of America, you were sitting around over the holiday weekend, watching a baseball game and thinking to yourself, “Sure, these professional baseball players look good now, but I’d really much prefer to see them in their infancy stages, to appreciate them better.” Well, good news!
Team Baby Entertainment, the premier producer of an award winning series of officially licensed sports themed children’s DVDs, has teamed up with Topps, the leading creator and marketer of sports cards to distribute limited edition trading cards featuring photos of favorite MLB players when they were babies. This is the first time ever that MLB players have lent their baby photos to be featured on Topps cards, making them instant collectibles. 
For example, here is David “Big Papi” Ortiz in a young larvae phase. As a Sox fan, this is a MUST HAVE, I mean, it’s David Ortiz as a child! I would also like to have a copy of Manny Ramirez’ childhood physicals, Dustin Pedroia’s letters to the tooth fairy and if possible, Josh Beckett’s jammy-jams booty pajama’s, especially if they were the same dope superhero ones that I had.
Among the other players who will have their baby pictures used include the Yankees’ Johnny Damon, David Wright of the Mets and Dodgers catcher Russell Martin.
I just know fans across the country will soon be clamoring for more teams and players to be represented baby-style, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Adam Dunn with tapioca smeared across his infant face.
08
Jul
08
I’m Baaaaccccckkkk!
You know, it’s hard out here in the blogging wasteland. Sitting in my underwear and trying to type things to amuse all 6 of you can be very demanding. I took a few days off to sit around a pool, drink some beers and now I’m back, ready to entertain and excite. Also, get ready for some new changes around the site coming soon, including an all-new look. In the meantime, sit back, and let’s get back to it. It’s business time.
It being the July 4th weekend, I thought it only apropos to repost what was the our first blog entry. I just hope that, as we celebrate Independence Day, we can remember the lessons that Independence Day was trying to teach us. We will not go quietly into the night.
________
Despite being panned by critics, audiences flocked to see Roland Emmerich’s newest opus, 10,000 BC, and I think I know why.
In 1996, Emmerich directed one of the finest action movies of all-time, Independence Day. More than just a movie, this film was a prognosticator of the future.
If only we had been listening.
Three different, very clear messages were placed in this movie. The first, seen here, is taken from the moment when Jeff Goldblum’s character explains to the President the idea of “line-of-sight” and how satellites work.
Notice the drawing that Goldblum does, look familiar? Maybe that’s because it looks awfully congruent to THIS!
Eerily similar no?
Now a random image in a movie is one thing, merely coincidence, but only moments later, after convincing the President that the time to leave is now, Goldblum and Pullman exit with others onboard Marine One. As they take off, Goldblum pulls out his handy mid-90’s Mac Powerbook and looks at the countdown timer…
Now its starting to get a little bit more real, you’re starting to feel that tingle up your spine… Continue reading ‘ID4: Are You Brave Enough to Listen?’
02
Jul
08
Yowch
Arizona Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder took the fast lane to the DL when during Monday’s game he took a foul ball off his junk, fracturing a testicle. Awful. I don’t even want to think about it. Apparently he was limping around the clubhouse after the game in a whole heap of pain. I always thought you needed bones in order to fracture them, then again, I really don’t want to examine this injury too seriously.
Since I don’t have any video of it, here’s Yankees catcher Jose Molina taking one off HIS junk, I especially enjoy Michael Kay’s reaction.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
02
Jul
08
It’s One Series…
I don’t know who exactly this guy is saluting, but I’m glad that Sox fans are staying classy. Sigh. It’s shit like this that’s why everyone hates us.
Having helped defeat the Russians in the semi-finals, Ballface Linares was totally deflated after the game when he was rejected by 3 different ladies.
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