Kevin Southerton had had enough, fed up with watching his beloved Newcastle United, he ran onto the field last month after his team let in another goal. He was of course, stopped and arrested. Southerton figured that if he were arrested on the field that he would be banned and thus, stopped from having to see Newcastle play anymore. When the police caught up to him, Southerton told police officers: “I hope I get banned, I’m sick of watching this.”
Unfortunately for the master criminal, the judicial system didn’t see it that way; giving him a fine instead. “It must be the first time someone’s been forced to carry on watching a team they’ve fallen out of love with rather than get banned,” said a police source.
Facing a possible three-year ban, Southerton’s attorney, Liz Dunbar told the court that “He was very upset at the performance of Newcastle United. I don’t know very much about football, but I understand he isn’t the only one feeling this way at the moment.”
The police were ultimately disappointed in this measure, hoping the ban would send a strong message to the fans that running on the field will not be tolerated, instead the court merely levied a $291 fine.
Across the water in jolly England towne, Newcastle United’s Charles N’Zogbia has announced that he will never play for the team again as long as Joe Kinnear remains the club’s manager. It seems that during a post-match press conference Kinnear couldn’t remember N’Zogbia’s last name, calling him “insomnia” twice and then just referring to him as “Charlie.”
The Slanch Report 
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