Archive for November 13th, 2009


Finally a Shake Weight for Dudes!

You’ve probably seen the ads for the Shake Weight elsewhere, the bizarrely hypnotic exercise equipment seems to resemble much more a sexual aid than a workout aid, but hey, I’m no physical therapist, what do I know.

I do know that, having worked at a men’s muscle magazine that those serve as nothing but soft-core porn for closeted straight men and that the actors in this ad are the EXACT same type of models as those magazines use.

Because the video autostarts, I’ve put it below the jump, so click the link and check out the greatest thing to happen to muscle-building since eating stem cells was banned.

Continue reading ‘Finally a Shake Weight for Dudes!’


Sign Our Petition to Have MLB Air the Dock Ellis No-Hitter!

Dock EllisIt is time for me to put my money where my mouth is — metaphorically that is, I’m not going to eat money, that’s far too extravagant for me — the Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly as worthy of being rerun as the Mark Fidrych games the network showed earlier this year just before Fidrych’s unfortunate death.

Please PLEASE PLEASE join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!


[Air the Dock Ellis No-Hitter]


I received an email from the folks over at MLB Network, our petition WORKED — well, in that it attracted their attention — unfortunately, they’ve searched their archives and MLB does NOT have any footage of the game. Or at least that’s what they claim. I did ask for them to air the Dock Ellis game where he tried to bean all the Cincinnati Reds and was thrown out after the 5th batter instead. They haven’t gotten back to me on that one.

So, MLB may not have footage but there has to be SOME SOMEWHERE right? Spread the word, check your attics, we MUST find this footage. And to everyone who signed or passed along this petition, all 1200+(!) of you, I am most most most incredibly thankful. You’re all heroes in my book.


$1 Costs Ochocinco $20,000

ochocincocashUnamused by his attempt to “bribe” the refs during a replay timeout with $1, the NFL has handed Chad Ochocinco with a $20,000 fine.

“I was just being me,” Ochocinco told the NFL Network after the game. “I wasn’t going to do it for real.”

Too bad for Chad, the NFL doesn’t want him to be him citing the rulebook which “prohibits use of abusive, threatening or insulting language or gestures toward game officials. He was also in violation of Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1 (f) of the Playing Rules which prohibits possession or use of extraneous objects that are not part of the uniform during the game on the field or sideline.” They also took umbrage at his using the word “bribe” during the post-game press conferences. A high ranking NFL employee told ESPN that “essentially [in Ochocinco’s postgame comment] he made an admission against his own interest. The integrity of the game is critical to us. Making light of bribing and gambling will not be taken lightly. His action in itself merited the fine but he acknowledged by his comments that he knew what he was doing.”

The company that made Ochocinco’s iPhone app announced that because of the fine they would be donating $20,000 to the Hillview Acres home for abused children in Chino, California.

Today, on his Twitter account Ochocinco continue to play up his antics tweeting:  “Barrack I’ve just been fined again, can we meet to set up a fun rule please. I can’t go to mcdonalds for 2 weeks now.”



Reporter Eats His Own Words — Literally, With Salsa

In the world of sports columnists you’re more likely to find them admit to wearing ladies panties before they’d admit they were ever wrong about sports. However, Chicago Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey did just that the other day at a Chicago Bulls practice.

Bringing with him a 3-year-old column he wrote and a jar of salsa, Morrissey literally ATE HIS WORDS. In the column, which he wrote following the Bulls selection of Joakim Noah in the 2007 NBA Draft, Morrissey said that if Noah became a useful player within 3 years he’d eat his words. Owning up to it, Morrissey arrived at the practice to do just that, fortunately, there were television cameras nearby to capture the moment. Mmmm, newsprint!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Not Qualified to Comment]


We Want to See the Dock Ellis Acid No-No

MLB Network emergence this season changed the way I watch baseball, their nightly coverage was simply phenomenal and made being a rabid baseball fan all the better. With the off-season underway and lots of airtime still to fill expect them to air many classic games over the next few months. I have been clamoring for, and I hope you will join me in this groundswell, for them to air Dock Ellis’ no-hitter which he threw on LSD in 1970. I have to imagine that the game is simply amazing to watch, (he can’t be any weirder on the mound than Mark Fidrych was…) they don’t even need to acknowledge or highlight the acid, it’s irrelevant, what matters is the no-hitter, and I want to see it, start to finish.

In the meantime, I’ll have to content myself with this great animated video from No Mas. Enjoy!


[No Mas]


He Had TOO Much Captain in Him

Brent Celek Captain MorganIn Sunday’s Eagles/Cowboys contest tight end Brent Celek scored a touchdown in the third quarter, to celebrate he squared himself perfectly in the camera’s lens and posed a la the recent Captain Morgan’s Rum commercials with one leg up on an imaginary cask of rum. The No-Fun-League  was less than pleased.

“A company can’t pay a player to somehow promote it’s product on the field,” NFL spokesman Greg Aiello told Yahoo! Sports this week. “Every league has the same rule. … It’s come up before, companies trying to use our games and then players for ambush marketing purposes.”

On the field the celebration earned the Eagles a 15-yard penalty thanks to Jason Avant coming over and aiding in the celebration.

While Celek denied any knowledge of the ad campaign an ad executive handling the Captain Morgan account admitted that Celek WAS involved.

In hopes of raising brand awareness, Captain Morgan intended to offer lucrative charity contributions in exchange for each instance a player was caught on camera doing its pose during a game. The contributions were earmarked for the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund – a non-profit which helps retired NFL players with various hardships after leaving the game.

“The [ad campaign] has been going around internally for a while and [Celek] learned of the program through his contact at Diageo [Captain Morgan’s parent company],” said Glenn Lehrman, an account director at Rogers & Cowan, the Los Angeles-based firm that handles Captain Morgan promotions. “Brent said, ‘You know what, if I get the opportunity, I’m going to go ahead and do it.’ He sort of beat us to the punch, but we’re certainly not going to complain.”

Captain Morgan promised to donate $10,000 per pose during the regular season, $25,000 in the playoffs and $100,000 if someone were to do it in the Super Bowl. Celek was not fined for his actions but the NFL has promised that any subsequent “posing” by the players will lead to “substantial” fines.

“The issue is that players are specifically prohibited under our policies from wearing, displaying, promoting or otherwise conveying their support of a commercially identified product during a game while they’re on the field,” Aiello said. “Whether it’s rum or soft drinks or any other commercial product, that type of promotion is prohibited.”



Dwyane Wade Makes Varejao Rethink His Entire Life

On one end of the court LeBron James went in for a dunk only to see it get blocked by Miami’s Jermaine O’Neal and then on the other end Dwyane Wade drives HARD to the hole and makes Anderson Varejao look absolutely silly. Wade doesn’t dunk on just Varejao, I think everyone Varejao has ever known felt the reverberations from that; his third-grade teacher, his piano teacher, his dog all felt small after this one.

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Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

November 2009