Posts Tagged ‘Swine Flu


Swine Flu Forechecks the NHL

David Krejci

In a press release today, the Boston Bruins announced that young future-star center David Krejci has a confirmed diagnosis of Swine Flu, making him at least the 4th confirmed case in the NHL.

“Like most people, we are taking many precautions to try to prevent our players and staff from contracting the H1N1 virus,” said Bruins General Manager Peter Chiarelli. “Our medical staff is working with David to get him healthy as soon as possible, and our players and staff will continue to take precautions with hopes of preventing the spread of the virus to others in the organization.”

So far Krejci is the only Bruin thus diagnosed, and hopefully the only one. It’s a shame the Bruins don’t play in Calgary, because there the entire team were given swine flu vaccines, much to the chagrin of the thousands of patients outside a clinic waiting for their shots.


The Alberta government has since fired a senior staff member at Health Services for giving the Flames, the players’ families and the front office preferential treatment and the vaccines over the rest of the population who waited in line.

“I am deeply offended that this circumstance has occurred,” Ken Hughes, chairman of Alberta Health Services, said in a news release. “The decision to allow preferential access to the Flames and their families was a serious error in judgment.”

Believing they had gone through the appropriate channels, Flames president Ken King defended the Flames, saying that because of the players extensive travel schedules and the close-contact of hockey that it was a priority for the team to get vaccinated. He didn’t offer an explanation why the players families or the front office also deserved preferential treatment. King also offered that the Flames players receiving the shots in a private location was done to prevent the mass hysteria that could happen if the players waited in the clinic’s line.

Alberta has since run out of vaccines and was forced to shut the program down on Saturday. Unlike the Flames, the Edmonton Oilers, Toronto Raptors and even the CFL’s Edmonton Eskimos have reported that they have not sought out preferential treatment for their players.

[Boston Bruins and AP]


We Are All Witnesses (That LeBron Could Have Swine Flu)

We-are-all-witnesses--lebron-james-546521_1024_768Having already come down with the flu, LeBron James and several of his Cavs teammates are being treated by the team for swine flu as a precaution. While the test results haven’t come back, the team has opted to err on the side of caution.

After spending the day in bed LeBron told reporters, “I think I’m over it now. If you get sick, then I wasn’t.”

While he wasn’t happy to be sick, LeBron was glad that it at least took place during the pre-season, “If it’s going to happen, now is the best time,” he said. “I don’t want anyone to get sick. But if this is the time the flu bug is going to hit our team, I’m glad it’s happening now.”

Fortunately, LeBron’s teammates are handling the loss of their superstar maturely, “People are always messing with you, ” LeBron said, “When you come back around they’re like, ‘Oh, you’ve got the cooties.’ They don’t want to be around you.”



Whisky Can Prevent Swine Flu?

calvintrade$313175741In order to protect her citizens, Russian authorities have issued a warning to soccer fans who might travel to Wales for the Russian team’s next World Cup qualifying match. Worried about the spread of swine flu, the Russian Health Ministry has recommended that any fans who travel to the game imbibe plenty of Welsh whisky as a disinfectant. “That should cure all symptoms of the disease,” said Alexander Shprygin, the head of the country’s soccer fan association.

“Health officials say this virus is very dangerous but being a fan myself I can tell you that for a real fan nothing is more important than the well-being of the team,” said Shprygin. “Russian fans don’t fear anything or anybody so this virus will not stand in our way of supporting our team.”

Is there anything whisky CAN’T do?



Swine Flu Attacks Foreheads Across the Nation!

Now, far be it from me to say that the semi-mass hysteria regarding swine flu is ridiculous, just because it is a media created pandemic as compared to, you know, an ACTUAL pandemic doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of fools to take it seriously. Right now I’m on a bus to Boston, and these are the two winners sitting across the aisle from me.  Unless they are aliens with second breathing apparatuses on the tops of their foreheads I don’t quite understand the surgical masks. What purpose do they serve not being worn? Is it a fashion statement? Because if so it’s a stupid one. They came onto the bus, not wearing them, then put them on for about a minute, then TOOK THEM OFF to eat their Chipotle burritos and the masks have since remained entrenched on their foreheads. I’m sure they’re both nice guys, but c’mon, don’t get sucked in by a bored media desperate for any story to hammer into the ground. And really, if this were a real pandemic that you might get sick from those masks aren’t going to be enough. You’d be better off ducking and covering.

img00064Call me crazy but I’d prefer to think of these two as the crazies and ME as the sane voice of reason out here in the wilderness.

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