Because athletes never cease to injure themselves in unique and interesting manners, here is the latest bizarre injury from the world of soccer. Kirk Broadstreet, who plays for Rangers in the Scottish Premier League was treated at a hospital on Sunday after an egg exploded in his face. It seems that Broadstreet was inspecting one of the two eggs he was poaching in the microwave when it blew up, throwing scalding water at his face.
Rangers manager Walter Smith said: “He’s got some facial burns but he should be okay.”
Now I’m the last person to be criticizing people about grammar, but then I’m not a professional journalist-type. When I read this sentence from MLB.com’s recap of yesterday’s frustrating Red Sox loss against the Angels I, for one, find it a bit confusing:
“Pedroia, who had caught fire before the injury, was glad the momentum seemed to carry over.”
Uh. What? I thought Pedroia’s injury was to his groin, did someone light his groin on fire? I’m confused. How was this not more reported, last year’s MVP catches FIRE and NO one talks about it? That seems strange. However, it’s impressive that he bounced back so quickly…
Yesterday was a terrible day to be a Boston sports fan. I’m most upset about the Bruins, not only did they lose game 7, but they lost it in sudden-death overtime to Scott Walker who had delivered an awful cheap shot to Aaron Ward and should have been suspended for game 6. I really thought this was the Bruins’ year. I should have known better. This is what they do. This is why I stopped caring about hockey for so long; rooting for the Bruins is like being a Cubs fan.
Brian Rossi (left) used to be a middle school gym teacher in Worcester, MA until he got arrested for possessing child pornography; apparently that makes his job something of a problem. He’s currently under house arrest and wears an electronic tracking monitor at all times. Rossi was only allowed to leave the house for court-approved medical or legal appointments but the federal magistrate recently loosened some of the restrictions. At the hearing, Rossi asked the judge for permission to attend 13 Red Sox games with friends and family, saying he had purchased the tickets before his arrest; his request was denied.
You know what that means…his friends and family have an extra! Hey, CALL ME! I want to go to the game and am in no way a pederast!
Ramiro Pena wasn’t considered by anyone a major prospect for the New York Yankees until New York Daily News columnist Bill Madden wrote an article proclaiming Pena as the man to replace Derek Jeter; that made ONE person who considered Pena a prospect. Since getting called up, Pena has done little to prove his past critics wrong, but on the plus side, he’s shown that Bill Madden (a card carrying member of the BBWAA) knows little to nothing about the game of baseball as it is played on the field. Masterfully played by Ralph Macchio, Daniel Larusso from Karate Kid was an out-of-place kid who just wanted to learn karate and have as many awkward, sexually-charged tension-filled moments with an elderly Japanese man as any other normal American teen. Fortunately for Larusso, he had MANY MANY of those scenes with Mr. Miyaga. Together, the two man-boys are nearly identical.
A first round draft pick in 2004, Jeff Niemann was supposed to be one of the first wave of Rays young arms. Unfortunately, along the way he got lapped by some of his compatriots; getting his first extended look this season he hasn’t been particularly impressive but the sample size is a bit small. Best remembered for starring in such classics as Dumb and Dumber, and Dumb and Dumberer, Jeff Daniels has been in over 60 movies and played Anna Paquin’s father in Fly Away Home, nine years later he played her love interest in The Squid and the Whale. Now that’s range! Considering the almost 30 years age difference between the two men, let’s call this one, spotted by reader Saint Dynamite, more of a father-son type doppelganger.
What do you think? Make sure to vote in the poll below and if this one receives enough on it will go to the permanent doppelganger page that you would be foolish to miss.
After Glen “Big Baby” Davis hit the game-winning shot last night he was justifiably excited, he ran down the court almost in amazement that he actually hit the shot. Along the way, he bumped into a 12 year old fan who was sitting courtside; in predictable look-at-me over-reactive American society, the adolescent’s father sent a letter today to the NBA demanding an apology.
Ernest Provetti, the father of 12 year old Nicholas said that Davis crossed the line, literally, and knocked his son’s baseball hat off and embarrassed his son.
“The NBA makes it clear to not cross the sideline,” he said in a telephone interview. “If I cross that line, the NBA will take away my tickets. It’s a double standard.”
Well, the way I see it, you’re there to SEE THE PLAYERS, if a PLAYER makes a GAME-WINNING, SERIES SAVING SHOT and stumbles a little as he falls backwards from the shot and in his exuberance happens to touch your little snowflake who happens to be RIGHT next to the floor, then you get the FUCK OVER IT.
Of course, when a player DIVES for a ball into the stands and lands on people, everyone has no problem with this, although, apparently in Provetti’s mind the player should be kicked out of the arena. YOU ARE THERE TO SEE THE PLAYERS, NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE YOU.
According to Provetti, in his letter he said that Davis acted like a “raging animal with no regard for fans’ personal safety.” Well, first off Ernest, you’re a douchebag. Secondly, I’ve watched the video, your son gets BUMPED and then Davis moves on. Big Baby did NOT throw your son into the seats, and if the kid did fall over, he should learn how to stand better. But sure, why not take the opportunity to get your name on the news, who knows, maybe you can get a lawsuit out of this.
“How do you like to be a 12-year-old and see a raging lunatic coming at you?” Provetti said today. Well, if I were 12 years old and my Dad got me courtside seats to a playoff game I’d shut my fucking mouth and be happy for ANYTHING. Glen Davis got his sweat on me? AWESOME, THANKS DAD! I guess Provetti’s little bundle of special is too sensitive for that. I hope Child Services comes by and removes Nicholas from his father and instead he can learn to be a member of society that DOESN’T coddle you and make you a soft pussy whiny asshole. Of course, that’s probably too much to ask. Nicholas, I’m sorry y0u have such an fuck-hole for your dad.
John Daly continues to ooze class out of his swamp-assed shorts; here he is giving an interview while playing golf shirtless and shoeless at a place called Murder Rock Golf Club.
On a side note, why name a place “Murder Rock,” doesn’t come off as very family-friendly…
You may — or may not — have heard that America is waist-deep in a recession; that we are currently engaged in two wars, neither of which show signs of letting up anytime soon and those are just some of the many issues facing our elected representatives in Congress.
So, with all these big issues on the table, I’m glad to hear that Congressman Bill Brady from Pennsylvania is making strides to fix the things that are truly wrong in this country. Brady has introduced a bill that would ban all Viagra, Cialis, and male sexual enhancement product adds on TV and radio from 6 am to 10 pm. FINALLY!
The reason for this piece of legislation?
I’m watching TV with my two granddaughters and it was a little embarrassing and I think it was bad that they asked me, ‘What is erectile dysfunction?’ And I stumble along and they’re too young to understand it and they’re much too young to learn about the birds and the bees yet….If they’re on a show and you don’t want your kids to see a certain show, you don’t put that show on, but you can’t control when the commercials come on. I think that it’s the wrong place, on a Saturday afternoon and a Sunday afternoon, these shows are dominated [by these commercials].
Brady knows, of course, that this isn’t the most important issue facing the nation right now but at the same time, children are hearing words like “ERECTILE” on TELEVISION!
I’m worried about other things too but we can do more than one thing at a time. It isn’t like Viagra is all I’m worried about. This is another thing that I think will help the family get back together, where you can sit down and watch a TV show or watch a sporting event with your children, with your family on a Sunday afternoon and not have to put up with explaining what a male enhancement is or what is an erectile dysfunction.
Want to explain things to your grandkids? Tell them that the pharmaceutical companies discovered that they could make more money by making adults have more “happy time” rather than providing cures, preventions or vaccinations that the public as a whole needs. Tell them that the profit margin in making Grampa’s boner go “boing” is much better than helping the millions of people who have come to rely on the overly-exorbitant priced prescription pills despite there being the exact same pills for a quarter of the price located just over the Canadian border. Tell the kids its about greed and avarice. They’ll understand that. It’s the American way!
If we didn’t have boner pill ads we wouldn’t hear about Priapism, which I love because it is named after the Greek god Priapus from the myth that he was punished by the other gods for attempting to rape a goddess, by being given a huge, but useless, set of wooden genitals. Now that’s something I can get behind!
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS! SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
Because athletes never cease to injure themselves in unique and interesting manners, here is the latest bizarre injury from the world of soccer. Kirk Broadstreet, who plays for Rangers in the Scottish Premier League was treated at a hospital on Sunday after an egg exploded in his face. It seems that Broadstreet was inspecting one of the two eggs he was poaching in the microwave when it blew up, throwing scalding water at his face.
Brian Rossi (left) used to be a middle school gym teacher in Worcester, MA until he got arrested for possessing child pornography; apparently that makes his job something of a problem. He’s currently under house arrest and wears an electronic tracking monitor at all times. Rossi was only allowed to leave the house for court-approved medical or legal appointments but the federal magistrate recently loosened some of the restrictions. At the hearing, Rossi asked the judge for permission to attend 13 Red Sox games with friends and family, saying he had purchased the tickets before his arrest; his request was denied.
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments