Archive for May 22nd, 2009


I Don’t Care If I Never Come Back Because I’m Drunk, Drunk Drunk at the Ball Game

Home Run Derby always puts together great collections and this one of some of the best drunk related baseball jerseys is another winner. I highly recommend checking out the full thing but here are my two favorites.

la-russa-093-bac-jerseydrunk-cubs-fans-jerseys[Home Run Derby]


Now Here’s a Good Use of the Mustaches Category!


The crowds have been streaming in to Anchorage, Alaska for this weekend’s main event, the World Beard and Mustache Championships. This year over 100 entrants are expected from all corners of the globe; some of the biggest names involved this year include, “Elmar Weisser of Germany, two-time full beard freestyle world champion…Up-and-comer Gunnar Rosenquist of Sweden, whose super-gnome whiskers have propelled him through the ranks in the full beard natural category…[and] Austria’s Franz “Schani” Mitterhauser has won awards in the Beard Olympics, Superbeard, International German and European Championships.”

Phil Olsen, self-appointed captain of Beard Team USA though thinks that this is America’s year.  “The Germans have always dominated,” he admitted. “They invented the game, made the rules, defined the categories and hosted most of the championships. They’ve brought the art up to a much higher level than we’ve been able to. But my mission, for the past 10 years, has been to make the U.S. competitive, a powerhouse. We’ve got ’em now on our home turf. Beard Team USA is fired up. We’re expecting to do really well.”

The competition’s judges will evaluate beards and mustaches in 18 categories, “everything from Kaiser Wilhelm moustaches to goatees, sideburns and gigantic full formations woven into fanciful shapes that bring to mind illustrations in old fairy tale books.”

All the profits from the event will be donated to a local Alaskan charity, might I suggest Beards for Tots, providing youngsters who are unable to grow facial hair a way not stand out amongst their peers.

There are plenty of tickets still available and Anchorage is a short flight from anywhere (providing you are already in Siberia) so you should jump at the opportunity.

After the jump, join us at admiring some of our favorite beards that showed up to compete, and of course, there is a larger gallery that you can check out here.


Continue reading ‘Now Here’s a Good Use of the Mustaches Category!’


Smaller, Faster, Stronger But Less Buoyant

6e4ed1c1ac91bfbac425aab6fbb8c26b_simona halep 10Remember Simona Halep, the 17 year old Romanian tennis player who featured some — uh, I do I say this classily — oversized funbags? (ed. You blew it) Well, sad news for her many new fans and for the ratings for women’s tennis, she’s seriously considering a breast reduction. According to ProSport.Ro and some poor translation:

I do not believe that physical appearance has an effect on performance, so I help with anything in the sport. My mind bust when for me to go and even if the land would not be sporting, I would have felt very good. Inconvenience me, it’s very hard with them. It’s a weight in addition to confound me speed response. I can not go on very well. Shoot me down. Nothing in life is not like me even though sport was not all I was doing surgery, revealing Halep. Surgical intervention should take place last year, but probably will use it in autumn, because the postponement might cause problems in the column.

Makes perfect sense to me. While I’m sure there will be many heavy breathing fans who will be disappointed, I’d like to posit this, a boob reduction doesn’t mean she’s going to from these, to mosquito bites, and in the long run, she really isn’t that hot anyways. Besides, isn’t woman’s tennis all about the TENNIS; that’s why I watch…

But then, I’m a much more enlightened kind of guy.

[ProSport.Ro via Sports by Brooks]


Women Drivers Be Crazy

arsh_01_516x402_26090aThe last time we had Andrei Arshavin here on the Report, he was coming off a phenomenal 4-goal performance for Arsenal; today he’s back for a different reason. In an interview with the Daily Mail, the Russian-born striker talked about how, as a child, he was struck by a car and nearly killed. “I was crossing the street when two trams appeared at the station,” Arshavin said, “I didn’t see the car which hit me. I went flying ten metres up in the air. It is a miracle I am still alive.”

So, of course, it is a simple leap in logic from there, to Arshavin’s next comments:

If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licences, I would do it without thinking twice. In my opinion a woman and a man are two absolutely different creatures.


Arshavin, seen above with his long-time girlfriend Yulia and one of their two children should know, after all he once studied for a fashion degree and even has a woman’s clothing line. Woman are just so totally different right man! At least Andrei knows what he’s looking for in a lass, “I like tall, slim girls with narrow thighs and tiny bums,’ he said. “If a girl is like this I do not pay attention to her breasts. Hair colour doesn’t matter either. What is really important is her style and manners.”

[Daily Mail]


Malkin Gets Some New Hats

Evgeni Malkin is liking the playoffs, in 15 games, he has 25 points, with 10 goals already and last night he scored his first career post-season hat trick. Even better, it was against the Carolina Hurricanes who so rudely and unfairly bounced my Bruins. Feel free to throw some elbows Evgeni too, I don’t mind if the Hurricanes have their spirits broken too…

The third goal is simply SICK and in the first goal the distance he drives so freaking quickly is totally boss and stuff. Hockey baby!


Cavs Fan Alone in the Ocean

1263_12429991225Two and a half years ago, Patrick DiLalla left Maine in a small boat named the “Plumbelly,” since then, he’s been sailing the world almost completely by himself. The Cleveland native was joined by his brother Charlie after Patrick’s trip across the Atlantic, sailing around the Caribbean. Being huge Cavaliers fans, Charlie brought along a satellite radio so they could listen to the playoff games together.

Charlie says it was a real comfort and delight to be able to listen to their hometown broadcaster thousands of miles away in the middle of the ocean, especially when you’re in a small boat in rough seas.

After traveling 600 miles with his brother, Charlie had to go back to work, but he left the radio for Patrick to enjoy. Now, as Patrick finishes his journey back to where it started in Maine, he can listen to his hometown broadcaster call the games as, presumably, LeBron takes the first step to truly becoming King.

Consider me jealous of his worldwide sailing tour.



Eat it Kobe

I like it Chauncey, well played. Any ime Kobe can look like an idiot I’m in.

Also, I often forget that Billups first name is Chauncey because he’s always just referred to as Billups. What a silly name.

[Hoop Doctors]

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May 2009