Archive for May 21st, 2009

21
May
09

Some MLB Network Doppelgangers

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Doppelgangers and Television
Tags: , , , ,

I’m on record as saying I’m LOVING the new MLB Network; sure some of the co-hosts aren’t stellar, and there’s still some kinks to work out, but I can turn on the TV and there is ALWAYS something baseball on. And it is clear that MLB Tonight is by far the best baseball show on TV right now, solely thanks to the exclusive look-ins that they provide. After watching the network a lot, here are a couple doppelgangers I’ve noticed along the way.

As ever please VOTE in the polls below so that these doppelgangers can move onto the PERMANENT DOPPELGANGER page.

Reader Mattraw sent this one along, and I couldn’t agree more. Billy Ripken is most famous for being Cal’s younger, less-talented brother and for his infamous baseball card, otherwise, his baseball career was less than memorable. Since retiring/being forced out of baseball, Billy hasn’t been seen too much until he served as hitting coach for this year’s USA entrant in the WBC tournament. Now, on MLB Network, he is generally among the worst analysts they’ve got. Once a proud and respected Jedi Knight, Annakin Skywalker bangs Natalie Portman and then becomes obsessed with not losing her, so he embraces the Dark Side, gets tragically burned by his best friend and is forced to spend the remainder of his days in a protective suit that keeps him alive. After rejecting the Dark Side at the end of his days, he asks his son to remove the mask so that Annakin may look upon Luke with his real eyes. He does, and then dies.

RipkenVader

Nicknamed “The Wild Thing,” when Mitch Williams was on the mound neither he, nor the batter ever truly knew where the ball would go. Always outlandish and outspoken, Williams has taken his brashness off the field and into the lovely MLB studios in sunny Secaucus. He’s another one of the analysts who rarely says anything useful and important. Working for Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, the Weasels were low-down thugs, willing to do anything so long as it was for the bad guys. It’s hard to find similarly good non-animated henchman.

WilliamsWeasel

21
May
09

The Captain Sacrifices for the Good of the Team

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Soccer
Tags: ,

Steven Gerrard has a pretty good life, he’s the reigning Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year award-winner, he’s the captain of Liverpool and he’s a key cog on the English national team, not too shabby.

As a teenager though, the then acne covered soccer star used to serve as the key wing-man for his cleaner faced buddies going for the ugly girls so that his teammates could score with the hotties. “I used to have to! I had a really spotty face. But since then it’s fair to say my standards have got a lot higher!” No wonder his teammates made him captain!

Now 28 years old, Gerrard has definitely upped his standards, marrying fashion journalist Alex Curran, who may not be the hottest WAG out there, but she’s still better-looking than what most guys who look like Gerrard get.

[Daily Star]

Alex Curran

21
May
09

Here’s to You Mom!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , ,

Ah Mother’s Day, a time when you can rightfully celebrate Mom for all the good things she does and has done for you throughout your life. Or, if you’re this Brewers fan, you get rowdily drunk, forcing Milwaukee’s Best to come take you away in handcuffs. Of course, it being Mother’s Day, you can’t get arrested without first dropping your pants and making your own attempt to get in on the sausage race.

[Homer Derby]

21
May
09

Smoltz Ruins Thirsty Thursdays for Everyone Else

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , ,

smoltzJohn Smoltz will be making a rehab start today for the Greenville Drive opposing the Augusta GreenJackets, the Single A affiliate of the Atlanta Braves. Seeing that the game will be pretty close to Atlanta, and that Smoltz spent all of his career prior with the Braves, the GreenJackets are expecting a larger than normal crowd today.

Unfortunately, today is also Thursday and the GreenJackets have a regular “Thirsty Thursdays” promotion with discounted beer prices. Anticipating more families at the game today, the team has ammended the promotion, presenting a “controlled Thirsty Thursday” with the $1 beers now only being available in the party pavilion.

It’s almost not worth it to go now. I mean, it’s almost not worth the $7 ticket price to see a future Hall-of-Famer if I can’t drink $1 beer EVERYWHERE.

[WEEI]

21
May
09

The Mets Continue to Be Amazin'(ly Bad)

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

I get accused in certain quarters of being very anti-Mets; I’m not, I just watch more of their games than any other team besides the Red Sox and so feel like I know what’s going on pretty well.

This discussion came up in my fantasy baseball league today regarding the sheer ineptitude of the Mets management team. With Jose Reyes injury status continuing, Carlos Delgado out at least 2 months and now significant playing time going to Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy (once more playing out of position and proving he’d be better served playing in the field WITHOUT a glove) and now RAMON MARTINEZ playing short this does NOT look like a $150 million team.

As reader Myummers pointed out, with David Wright and Jose Reyes earning a combined $14 million, throw in Johan, Beltran and Delgado, combined earning $50.5 million and that means that the remaining players on the roster account for $86 MILLION. And for what exactly?

Oliver Perez was an awful signing at the time, everyone agreed except Omar Minaya, now, he isn’t even in the ROTATION. But don’t worry, the Mets have LOADS of prospects coming… they’ve got Fernando Martinez and … um…uh…Mike Karp? Ugh.

But don’t worry, because Minaya will only be around for 4 more years.

Meanwhile Derek Lowe has 6 wins on the season, Orlando Hudson is keying the Dodgers offense AND defense and while Manny is still suspended, he’d still have been and continue to be a marked improvement over Daniel Murphy in left. And Manny would play better defense and that’s not something I ever imagined I’d say.

Of course, the Mets didn’t sign ANY of those three players that would have actually improved the team. No, instead they are throwing out the worst $100 million+ team ever.

Bernie Madoff may have shadily taken the Wilpons’ money, but now they in turn are straight out stealing money from their fans. This team isn’t worth paying to see right now.

21
May
09

LeBron’s Son is Good at Basketball

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Basketball
Tags: ,

Sure, LeBron James is only 24 years old, but he’s also a Dad, and he sometimes brings his son to work. Here is LeBron James Jr., shooting some hoops with dad, this kid is already better than me.

21
May
09

Definitely Do NOT Fly on This Plane

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , ,

phpodfQn8The Oakland Raiders have been the poster children for futility for the last several years, foolish penalties, complete lack of talent, lack of direction from the front office, coaches who are overmatched have all served to make them a laughingstock in the NFL. So, the news that they have come to an agreement with Air Asia X, a small airline serving Malaysia, London and Australia to sponsor one of the airline’s new Airbus A340 planes.

This agreement with Air Asia X is not an indication that the Raiders are dropping their long-time partner Hawaiian Airlines. Raiders CEO Amy Trask joked, “We can dominate the airlines. If you buy a plane you can paint it in Raider colors.” She said that the Raiders will continue their terrific relationship with Hawaiian, and there would be no conflict because both airliners cover different routes and territory.

Air Asia X has a tradition where all their planes have an “X” in their name, and so, of course, the Raiders’ plane will be named the “Committment to Excellence.” Currently the plane just has the Raiders shield on the tailfin, but it will soon be covered inside and out in  Raider regalia, including images of the Raiderettes, current and past players and classic Raider moments.

All I know is that if I’m going to go into an aluminum can and go 30,000 feet in the air, I’d like NOT to have anything associated with CONSTANT failure and suck. That doesn’t inspire much confidence for me. I’ve seen the Raiders play, it’s probably best to wait for another flight. This plane is guaranteed to fail.

Trask said this is an “Exciting, fun, terrific relationship with Air Asia X” whom she called a “bodacious airline.”

The team does expect the plane to be flown to Oakland for at least one game day.

[Examiner]

21
May
09

Well There Goes My Exacta Box

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports, Random and RIP
Tags: , ,

2On Wednesday at the Belmont Race track during the post parade for the 5th race, City On Line, a 4 year old colt broke away from his lead pony, tossed his rider and then bolted down the tunnel back towards the paddock. Running wildly, the chestnut horse slammed into a statue of Secretariat, irreperably fracturing the femur in his left hind leg. The onhand vet from the NY Horse Racing Association euthanized the horse on the spot.

The impact damaged the base of the statue but it will otherwise be fine.

[The Canadian Press]

21
May
09

Dwight Howard is a Powerful Man

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Basketball
Tags: , ,

Dwight Howard’s shoulders terrify me, they are so broad, so muscular, so unnatural looking, he’s like a cartoon character. It is those shoulders that generate the power and strength he needs to battle down low in the paint, scoop up a rebound and then slam the ball home so hard that he breaks the shot clock. Awesome.

21
May
09

That’s a Compliment Right?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , ,

Despite one of his best outings of the year, Ryan Dempster and the Cubs lost to the Cardinals last night 2-1. After the game, Milton Bradley knew he was responsible for the Cards’ success, Dave Duncan, the Cardinals pitching coach.

“It’s not like we’re going out there facing ‘Joe Blow,'” Bradley said. “Their pitching coach is one of the best pitching coaches. He can take a turd and polish it into something, it seems like.”

Of course, the “polished turd” the Cardinals threw out there last night was Chris Carpenter, a former Cy Young.

[Chicago Tribune]

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

May 2009
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Categories