Posts Tagged ‘Arsenal


Is There Anything Baby Placenta CAN’T Do?

Following a former teammate’s recommendation, Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie is headed to Belgrade in search of an alternative healing method for his injured ankle.

The Dutchman is, with his coach’s, team’s and doctor’s permission, going to be visiting with Mariana Kovacevic, a Serbian housewife who previously worked on Van Persie’s one-time teammate Danza Lazovic’s injured hamstring. Initially ruled out for 5 weeks, after seeing the Serbian healer Lazovic was back out on the pitch in a week.

“She is vague about her methods but I know that she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid,” Van Persie said. “I am going to give it a try.

“It can’t do any harm and if it helps, it helps. I’ve been in contact with Arsenal’s chief physio about it. The club has allowed me to have this treatment done.”

Gross. I almost think I’d rather be injured than have baby placenta rubbed on me. Unless there’s stem cells in there, in which case, gimme gimme gimme.



Nicklas Bendtner Gets into a Fender-Bender

Bendtnercrash21-year-old Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner was headed towards the team’s training facility on Sunday morning when his black Aston Martin DBS left the road, crashing through a fence and then into a tree. While Bendtner was left just shaken up and with some bruises, his $270K ride was totaled; is there no god? Won’t anyone think of the poor factory artisans who assembled this marvel of modern engineering?

[Daily Mail via Deadspin]


Women Drivers Be Crazy

arsh_01_516x402_26090aThe last time we had Andrei Arshavin here on the Report, he was coming off a phenomenal 4-goal performance for Arsenal; today he’s back for a different reason. In an interview with the Daily Mail, the Russian-born striker talked about how, as a child, he was struck by a car and nearly killed. “I was crossing the street when two trams appeared at the station,” Arshavin said, “I didn’t see the car which hit me. I went flying ten metres up in the air. It is a miracle I am still alive.”

So, of course, it is a simple leap in logic from there, to Arshavin’s next comments:

If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licences, I would do it without thinking twice. In my opinion a woman and a man are two absolutely different creatures.


Arshavin, seen above with his long-time girlfriend Yulia and one of their two children should know, after all he once studied for a fashion degree and even has a woman’s clothing line. Woman are just so totally different right man! At least Andrei knows what he’s looking for in a lass, “I like tall, slim girls with narrow thighs and tiny bums,’ he said. “If a girl is like this I do not pay attention to her breasts. Hair colour doesn’t matter either. What is really important is her style and manners.”

[Daily Mail]


Christiano Ronaldo Gets SCHOOLED

Here’s Kieran Gibbs, a youngster on Arsenal’s squad just absolutely SCHOOLING Manchester United’s Christiano Ronaldo with a sick nutmeg.

You sir just got OWNED.



Andre Arshavin Saving the Day

Andre Arshavin was transferred to Arsenal in February, but he really made his mark in Tuesday’s match when he took out Liverpool nearly single-handed. Becoming only the 6th player in English Premier League history to score 4 goals in an away match, Arshavin and the rest of Arsenal won, 4-3, preventing Liverpool from winning the EPL.

All four goals are really pretty but the first one and then the one at about 4:40 in are incredible. The last one is nuts, look at how far Arshavin runs and how ridiculously fast he is overtaking the defenders who are like 20 yards ahead of him.


I Like Shiny Things

Owning the fastest convertible available, the Mercedes McLaren wasn’t enough for Arsenal defender William Gallas, he needed something a little showier. So, Gallas decided to push the envelope a bit, turning his sweet ride into an all chrome affair; take that Xhibit!

article-0-03e8f489000005dc-177_468x353Here Gallas is arriving for the Mikael Silvestre Schools For Hope Charity Dinner, because nothing says charity like rolling up in a car that costs just short of 500K. The McLaren can reach speeds of up to 207 mph so, now I’m anxious to hear about Gallas causing major traffic accidents on a nice summer day when the sunlight hits off the car and blinds half of the motorists around him. That should be fun…

Some other athlete is going to have to try and up the ante here, I wonder what the next move will be, all gold car? Platinum? Regardless, I’m excited. One thing that saddens me, Gallas spent all that money to chrome out his whip but didn’t go all in for the spinners for his rims, how can you forget the spinners!?!

[Daily Mail via With Leather]



Soccer is really nice when played well. For example, here is Arsenal’s Eduardo banging one home in a most pretty manner. Lovely.

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March 2023