Archive for the 'Funny' Category



11
May
08

When He Finishes, He’ll Wear the Little Helmet too

The other day on Baseball Tonight, Steve Phillips broke down some of the differences in Travis Hafner’s swing to figure out why he went from 42 homers to his less awesome current 20 homer version. Of course, it being from Steve Phillips, not a whole lot of knowledge was gained. However, within the piece apparently the Worldwide Leader decided that it wasn’t enough to show Hafner’s woes, but they had to drag the good people of Cleveland into it as well.

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Sure, Hafner has been struggling, but did ESPN need to show how he is driving this local denizen into a diabetic coma? This man just wants to drown his sorrows in a helmet of ice cream. We’ve all been there. I remember back in the Butch Hobson managing era for the Red Sox downing helmet after helmet, trying to wash away the acrid taste of his failures. It’s hard being a little kid sometimes. The guy above though is no kid, he’s just a plump midwesterner trying to forget. I wish ESPN would have let his secret shame moment pass into obscurity but alas, they aren’t that thoughtful.

05
May
08

The Washington Nationals and the Kingdom of the Disinterested Fans

The Washington Nationals have been battling all season, scuffling their way to a 14-18 record and ownership of last place in the NL East. They are also the proud owners of a dope new ballpark, but that hasn’t inspired their team to greater heights, so it seems they are looking around for any new options that can help the team. To that end, this is the latest, completely authentic, 100% undoctored version of the Nationals’ schedule for the month of May.

mlb-indiana

(ed.: the original photo was deleted and so I replaced it with this one, similar but not the same.)

In what manner are the Nationals going to play Indiana Jones? Broadcast it at the stadium? Actually challenge Harrison Ford to a baseball game? Can a team be made up of the stuntmen from the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular? Will they do the Stunt Spectacular at the stadium? Do I need to get these tickets through Stubhub or Fandango?!?

A hearty h/t to the good Eick of sogoodblog.com

22
Apr
08

Maybe Not One for Milton Bradley’s Hall of Fame Audition

I understand that Milton Bradley is a significantly better athlete than I am, he is capable of agility and grace, and that he has accomplished many things at the major league level. However, Monday was not one of those outings.

Embarassing! I wonder what his competitors would say sarcastically to him after such a misplay…

I can just watch that over and over and over, it’s hilarious to me. And I do agree with Buck Showalter, it does indeed look bad. He just crumples in abject horror, justifiably so, scorched cow skin raining randomly from the sky, that’s something most people would want nothing to do with. (On a tangential note, I’m glad to see Buck Showalter back on Baseball Tonight, he gives much better analysis than any other manager they’ve had on recently and was missed.)

That was not all for the bizarre outfield plays this Monday, secret pen-pals Corey Hart and Ryan Ludwick combined together to make two of the stranger plays of the evening. First, there was Corey Hart going for an easy liner off the white-hot bat of Ludwick,

now, to be fair, Corey did just miss a great catch and then banged into the wall pretty hard earlier in the game, so while he should have caught this ball, I’m not going to hold it totally against him for being uneasy about the wall again.

But wait, there’s more! Ryan Ludwick felt bad, he didn’t want to have Hart go home feeling bad about himself, he just knew it would be reflected in an angry IM message later, so he figured he’d do a little something to put the hop back into Corey’s step. With Corey at bat Ludwick charged in on a dropping liner and–

Indeed that is nasty. Strange day out here at Windswept fields

ed. to add:

Great, so MLB took down the videos. Sweet, thanks MLB. I can see why you’d want to take down any ways for the fans to possibly enjoy the game outside of MLB.com. After all, why utilize the millions of users on Youtube, I mean, they don’t matter at all right. Sigh. I’ll try and see about getting them back up. Blame MLB.

I apologize for the shitty screengrabs but they’re the best I can do… it kinda works…

10
Apr
08

Everything Is Coming Up Cat Poop

It must be just one of those days.

So I saw a story this morning about the world’s most expensive coffee beans, apparently they run for over $100 a cup in London. You can never discount the stupidity of people, and since coffee drinkers are already tweekers, people will definitely buy them. Just on their own, the beans seem extravagant and silly, but not otherworldly ridiculous more so than any number of other silly things that the rich spend their money on. Then you find out where they come from, civets. Not familiar with the civet, get acquainted.

It seems these sorta half-cat half-monkey creatures eat cherry coffee beans and are unable to fully digest them and poop them out. Enterprising individuals then go through their droppings and extract the coffee beans, bag them up and ship them off to rich folks in London to have with their scones. Yum! Now that’s the job I need to have. What category is that under on Careerbuilders?

If that’s not classy enough for you, the other day in a supermarket, I noticed these chocolates. Now, maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe I’m a prude, or maybe simply an animal-hater, but to me, these are unappetizing. I mean, I get it, the Germans are insane but kitten poop chocolates?

Look at how ashamed the one on the far left is. He knows what he’s doing, he knows that people are going to taste his chocolatey feces. All the other kittens are fine with their role in this catrocity, but one kitten has remorse. Obviously not enough to stop the whole caper from happening, but he knows what he’s done.

I also really appreciate the cat on the far right, he’s clearly the brains behind the whole operation. Sitting there smugly, mugging it up for the cameras. He knows that you are helpless to say no to Katzenungen.

I mean, they do look kinda delicious, and they are edelbitter, I don’t know if I can resist…

31
Mar
08

I Simply Cannot Compete With This

With one of the more incredible and wonderful headlines I’ve ever seen, I present you this story about Formula One President Max “British Charleton Heston” Mosely.

I can’t invent stories this good. 5 hookers? Check. Sex orgy? You got it. Nazi sex games? I don’t even know what that entails, but check. Son of the founder of the British Fascist Party? Big check.

Seriously. This is a story that you have to read.

“They’ll have to pry my hookers out of my cold, dead hands.”
26
Mar
08

Another Example of Why No One Cares for Hockey

The Montreal Toronto Maple Leafs, (this sport is stupid excepting the playoff beards and the fighting) besides having a very imposing name, have been one of the most storied franchises in hockey. Right now they are struggling to make the playoffs and lost last night in an important game against the Boston Bruins where the 8th playoff spot was on the line. The Maple Leafs lost 6-2. Recently named Player of the Week goalie Vesa Toskala was taken out of the game with 3 minutes remaining and the Leafs down by 3. To further illustrate how efficient his game has been recently, and why he definitely deserved the Player of the Week award, check out this goal he allowed the other night against the New York Islanders.

That was only from 197  feet away, I can see how he might have found that so difficult. No wonder no one watches anymore.

25
Mar
08

Another Reason to Fear North Carolina

So this is from the NBC affiliate down in the Raleigh-Durham area and is almost too surreal for comment. Enjoy.

The guy in the video is named Penn Holderness which is in the running for the whitest name ever. Also, why is his name Penn? Were his parents really big fans of Penn Gillette? Was he conceived at a UPenn football game? Did they just really really love Wawa?

thanks to Anthony King for the video




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