Archive for the 'Funny' Category


Another Example of Why No One Cares for Hockey

The Montreal Toronto Maple Leafs, (this sport is stupid excepting the playoff beards and the fighting) besides having a very imposing name, have been one of the most storied franchises in hockey. Right now they are struggling to make the playoffs and lost last night in an important game against the Boston Bruins where the 8th playoff spot was on the line. The Maple Leafs lost 6-2. Recently named Player of the Week goalie Vesa Toskala was taken out of the game with 3 minutes remaining and the Leafs down by 3. To further illustrate how efficient his game has been recently, and why he definitely deserved the Player of the Week award, check out this goal he allowed the other night against the New York Islanders.

That was only from 197  feet away, I can see how he might have found that so difficult. No wonder no one watches anymore.


Another Reason to Fear North Carolina

So this is from the NBC affiliate down in the Raleigh-Durham area and is almost too surreal for comment. Enjoy.

The guy in the video is named Penn Holderness which is in the running for the whitest name ever. Also, why is his name Penn? Were his parents really big fans of Penn Gillette? Was he conceived at a UPenn football game? Did they just really really love Wawa?

thanks to Anthony King for the video


Married to the Sea

One of my friends passed this link onto me today, these guys have been around for a while but their comics are pure gold, unlike last night’s Treasure Divers HD, where they found nothing. Sigh.

Also, I came across this link this morning which asks the question, did the Israeli Mossad take down Eliot Spitzer?

During this lovely spring break, we should all take time to really enjoy ourselves

all to take you into the weekend. Enjoy!


Lost in Castiglione

The Red Sox are in Japan and along for the ride is Joe Castiglione, the voice of the Red Sox. Castigs, 61, isn’t just in Japan for baseball. With plenty of off-time expected, the high-pitched vociferator has a full itinerary during his time in the land of the Rising Sun. Due to some clever detective work on our behalf, we managed to steal a copy of it for you to peruse.

Friday 3/21 – Red Sox train at Tokyo Dome in the morning, afternoon to be spent visiting a Buddhist temple, participate in 6:30pm Dance Dance Revolution tournament followed by an evening of libations at the Absolute Ice Bar.

Saturday 3/22 – 5am – Tsukiji Fish Market, wander through the booths, checking out all the fresh poisson, participate in fish auction, available budget: $750. Afternoon – return to hotel, drop off giant 6 foot tuna, quick nap and head to the Maid Bar.

"These women will do anything...Can YOU believe it?"

"These women will do anything for me... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!"

Sun 3/23 – Breakfast with the team at hotel, afternoon and evening to be spent with Dustin Pedroia, Curt Schilling and Manny Ramirez sharking on the many subway lines around town. Dinner at Ninja Akasaka.

Continue reading ‘Lost in Castiglione’


Cubs Players Wreck Coach’s Life

You may have seen news of a prank several Cubs pitchers pulled on their strength coach where they destroyed his 1995 Nissan Sentra and then later gave him a brand new SUV. After seeing the brand new car that they had purchased for him, Tim Buss, the coach in question said, “They’re great guys.” That may be, but, after seeing how happy they made him can only lead to the Cubs pitchers who pulled this prank to take it further and further. Bolstered by hs reaction, they have already planned several new pranks. Thanks to the federal government illegal wire-tapping, the Slanch Report has hacked into their emails and found out what is planned for later in the season.

  • 5/08 – Kerry Wood and Jon Lieber in mid May will enter Buss’ home, throw a grenade in his kitchen and run away. Later they will purchase him a new Maytag Dishwasher.

Continue reading ‘Cubs Players Wreck Coach’s Life’


Keeping the -Ass in Classy Governing


Ready to lead into scandal on day 1!


It Depends on What Your Definition of “They’re” Is

Thanks to the internet, it is a rare occasion these days for me to enter a video store but recently, when I was in upstate NY some friends and I decided to rent some movies. While in the store, we HAD to check out the adult section, if only as a sociological survey to see what was enticing the peoples of upstate New York.

Turns out upstate is all about the anal. But that’s a digression. In the porn section I came across this high-brow title.


Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days when pornos weren’t just rushed out the door immediately after filming. The days when some grizzled old sketchy dude in the valley, wearing a Gold’s Gym tank top and flip-flops over his yellowing toe-nails would at least glance at the cover to a movie before shipping it out to the masses.

Oh the golden years. It seems those days have long past.

Where I am confused by this movie is; if these women are slutty mothers, how are they also husbands? Are they their own husbands? Do they lead bigamous lives with two families, one where they are the husband and one they are the wife? And are they incredibly horny? Or merely presenting an homage to little-discussed Russian author Andrei Bely? Is this a tranny flick? It wasn’t labeled as such and it’d be a shame to mislead the good denizens of the Stone Ridge area.

I was forcibly dragged out of the room and overruled by my narc friends on renting the film.

These questions still haunt me…


Duncan Chasin’ Waterfalls (UPDATE)

Frankenstein Duncan doesn’t think he did anything wrong with his slide and doesn’t understand why he was thrown out. The money quote, “I go out there and I try to play the game the right way, I told [Girardi] what I was doing, how the play went through my eyes.”

Well, did the play go through your eyes this way?

Because that’s you sliding into Akinori Iwamura’s junk…

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Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2021