Archive for December 2nd, 2009


Dwight Howard Will Beat You in H-O-R-S-E

Dwight Howard may be terrible at shooting foul shots, but look at how easily he can sink these much harder shots, maybe he just doesn’t have 15 foot range…


Beware the Mighty FLYING SQUIRRELS!

The AA affiliate of the San Francisco Giants have recently changed their name via a fan contest and are now going to be playing as the Richmond Flying Squirrels. Sure it’s not a particularly imposing sounding name, but this is baseball, are people really intimidated by the Rockies name? Or the Red Sox? Or Dodgers?

While they may not have a commanding name, the Flying Squirrels do have a totally kick-ass new logo on their side.

“We feel real good about what we came up with,” said Flying Squirrels vice president Todd Parnell. “It’s kid-friendly, but has a little bit of an edge to it. Today was important because it gave us an identity. A team without a logo is like a blind date, where you know the person’s name going in but don’t know what they look like.”

[MiLB via Rob Neyer]


Rugby Player Runs Until He Pukes

Rugby is a pretty neat game, people get hurt real bad and it’s awfully violent, plus the teams are hard-drinkers. This clip from a Canadian Montreal team vs. a North Shore MA team only adds to me liking this sport. Anytime you run yourself so hard that you start throwing up, I’m a fan.

[Barstool Sports]


Sinners Steal From the Saints

All the talk that the economy is improving is nice and all, but out in the heartland times are still hard. For instance, the St. Paul Saints, one of the foremost independent baseball teams have been the victims of an unfortunate theft; Sunday night thieves stole several hundred feet of copper wire out of the Saints’ home, Midway Stadium.

After getting through the back fence, the thieves came in and opened 8 electrical boxes, nabbing the copper wiring within. They also stole the copper wiring from the scoreboard and the pipes that run along the outfield wall. Even more horrendous, they disabled the connections for the hot tub!!!!

Brad Meyer from St. Paul Parks and Recreation said, “The act itself was really quite dangerous. and, in our eyes, quite shameful.” The cost to repair the stadium is expected to be nearly $10,000.

Sunday’s crime was the second copper theft in two years at Midway Stadium.


Ron Artest Liked to Drink Hennessy During Games

Lakers forward Ron Artest is a wacky dude, whether it’s appearing in just his boxers for an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, his “rap career” or charging wildly into the stands fists blazing, you never know what’s next from him. Case in point, he recently revealed to an interviewer that when he entered the league as a Chicago Bull he regularly drank alcohol during halftime of his games.

“I used to drink Hennessy … at halftime,” Artest said in an interview with The Sporting News. “I [kept it] in my locker. I’d just walk to the liquor store and get it.”

Artest’s hard-partying ways started well before college, “When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild. A lot of marijuana and alcohol—even before (that age). … I (still) party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night.”

Supposedly settled down now, Artest still can be bristly when it comes to discussing the events that led to his brawl in the stands, especially in regards to then-Piston Ben Wallace, “I see Ben, I’m on my guard now. I’m always in the mood to fight him. … I’ll get suspended 10 games, 15 games (because) I’ll just fight him right there. It won’t go into the stands.”

[The Sporting News]


The Media Can’t Get Enough of Tiger, Even When There’s Nothing

I have zero interest in getting into the whole Tiger Woods story, frankly, who gives a shit whether or not he cheats on his wife; besides her, obviously. It does nothing to my life and doesn’t particularly change my opinion of him which is based around the fact that he is a really amazing golfer. Everything else is irrelevant.

Having said that, here is a hilarious clip from Tuesday’s Daily Show where they just straight up eviscerate the cable news channels’ overbearing coverage of a story for which they had practically no factual information but spent dozens of hours wasting oxygen with scurrilous rumors, speculation and innuendo.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I simply don’t get why everyone is so obsessed with this story, the constant rubbernecking in these situations just simply disgusts me. Great, he cheated on his wife, I don’t get it, I’m not a cheater, but I know plenty of dudes who are, it’s not that unusual, but his cheating affects 3 people, his wife and his 2 kids, that’s it. Everyone else is irrelevant. The constant breathless updates from the “news” media are skeevy and perverse.

Besides, none of this is news to me, back when I worked at Men’s Fitness magazine in 2007 I was privy to information that the National Enquirer (which is owned by the same parent company and shares offices) had caught Tiger in flagrante delicto. In exchange for burying the story he agreed to do a cover story for the magazine; something it could never have gotten otherwise with its low profile and shitty sales.  I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. What other men do with their penii is irrelevant to me; It’s only mine I’m concerned with.

[The Daily Show]


The Phillies Ball Girls Need Your Help!

The Philadelphia Phillies need our help, after wading through thousands of applications the Phillies ball girl staff is nearly finalized, just one spot remains. In order to pick the suitably appropriate woman for the job the Phillies have done the only reasonable thing, open the decision up to the public.

The 5 lovely ladies up for the job all seem like fine candidates, each with their own qualifications and special qualities. Me personally, I’m voting for Amandah (first from left) from Temple University, but hey, to each his own.

The Phillies site has video interviews with each woman, giving them the chance to espouse why they are the most qualified for the job, and I recommend being an informed voter and going through each of the clips. Make sure you vote and help make one lucky woman’s life immeasurably better by giving her the chance to be on the field with the Phillies.



How Do You Possibly Miss This Shot?

Rocky Baptiste is a British soccer player who is generally pretty good at scoring; when he speeds past a defender and dekes out the goalie with a wide-open net in front of him everyone expects him to score. Alas, he somehow manages to miss the net completely. This has to be one of the worst misses I’ve ever seen in any sport on a wide-open goal.


Raiders Fans Want to Be Heard, Make a Billboard

There must be something in the water of rural Pennsylvania that inspires cranky NFL fans to start billboards for their far-off favorite franchises. First it was a Bills fan who, with hundreds of other Bills fans paid for a drive-time billboard imploring the Bills owner to fire Dick Jauron — which obviously was the driving reason for Jauron’s eventual dismissal. Now, 22-year-old Jared Staszewski of Erie, Pennsylvania has gotten together with some fellow Raiders fans online to send a message to the aging Raiders owner and general manager Al Davis.

The group wants Al to step down as GM and for the team to hire a coach who isn’t inept like Tom Cable and isn’t “managed” from the owner’s box.

“We have nothing but respect for Mr. Davis and what he has done for the team over the years,” Staszewski said. “But that effort and our championships are in the past. I have been a loyal fan since 1993 and in those 16 years we (the Raiders) have only had four playoff appearances. We are now on track for our seventh losing season in a row and we believe something has to change,” he said.

“We thought a billboard, posted near the stadium might generate some awareness, create a dialogue among the ‘Raider Faithful’ and perhaps make a difference,” Staszewski said, thus, was born.

In a mere 8 weeks, the site has raised nearly $2,000 of the necessary $5,500 needed for the billboard. As well, their over 21,000 people have signed the site’s petition that requests four things:

  1. Please step down as General Manager
  2. Hire a new GM
  3. Hire a Super Bowl caliber coach
  4. Agree to refrain from intervention in personnel or football operational matters

“Some disgruntled fans of other teams have worn brown bags over their heads or staged protests to try to get their message out there,” Staszewski said, “We believe this billboard is a respectful way to give this initiative a voice and to ask Mr. Davis to allow the team to realize its potential.”

Starting yesterday, the billboard is up, a mere half mile from the stadium and Staszewski is hopeful fans will continue supporting his site as they were forced to take a line of credit out to pay for the billboard.

“We believe in the organization and we hope that Mr. Davis might become inspired to ‘do the right thing.’ We believe he, our loyal fan base and the entire Oakland region will all benefit if we are to achieve our goal. We didn’t want to sit back and simply complain about our situation. We want to take steps to do something about it. We can’t make draft picks or coach from the stands. We can, however, bring the issue to light and respectfully request that the organization make some necessary changes which we believe can help the Raiders to fully realize their potential and to once again be considered among the NFL’s elite teams,” Staszewski said.


Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

December 2009