Archive for December 17th, 2009

17
Dec
09

Someone Get This Man a Coors Lite Commercial

New York Rangers head coach John Tortorella is known for his fiery personality, his press conference following the Rangers’ 2-1 loss to the Islanders on Wednesday showcased that passion. I’m sorry, did I say passion, I meant a ton of F-bombs and him throwing his team under the bus. Either way, it’s entertaining!

17
Dec
09

Pour Some Sugar on Me

I’m really into surfing recently; well, one particular aspect of surfing, the incredibly hot women who do it. We saw young hottie Alana Blanchard in all her glory, but 9-time Panamanian champion Sonia “Pucha (Sugar)” Garcia can give her quite the battle; which is something I’d pay good money to see.

I mean, how can you NOT love a vocation where the women are athletic and hang out in skimpy bikinis all the time, it sounds like heaven to me. The 34-year-old Garcia has captured plenty of titles, and hearts, along her career, although none can be as important as capturing my attention. Let’s go out paddling Sonia!

17
Dec
09

There’s Nothing You Can’t Bet On

As the Tiger Woods story continues to dominate news coverage and becomes the most important story in the history of news, today’s news that Elin intends to divorce Tiger has already sparked bookies to start setting odds.

Right now, British bookmaker William Hill already have odds up on the settlement that Ms. Nordegren might receive. Currently, bettors get 25:1 odds that she’ll receive MORE than half a billion dollars. Among the other options are 6:4 odds for her getting under $100 million and 1:2 that she gets between $100-500 million.

Really, what level of degenerate gambler are you if you find yourself wanting to get in on this kind of action?

[AP]

17
Dec
09

Inspiring Words From the Lions Head Coach

“There is a significant portion of our roster that’s on our roster because they were castoffs from other teams,” Jim Schwartz said. “There were teams that didn’t want them or let them go, or stuff like that, and we need to make sure, or the players need to make sure, that they’re not in the same position this year with us.”

Well, I’m ready to run through a brick wall for you now coach…

[Yahoo!]

17
Dec
09

Stop Hitting Yourself

I’m not incredibly well-versed in the world of MMA, but I have a feeling that when you try and bodyslam your opponent and in the process knock yourself unconscious that you are doing it wrong.

17
Dec
09

Big Changes are Coming to the Slanch Report

As the decade comes to a close, it’s finally time for the Slanch Report to undergo some changes. After 14 years of blogging and 42,082 posts, it’s nearly time for a whole new design for this blog. Stay tuned for the changes as they will knock you on your ass, and then beat you up. They are THAT bad-ass.

The biggest change is that we are joining the Bloguin network, which we are super excited for and think you will be too. Especially when you see the full redesign to the site that will correspond with our move.

We’ll have more on that in the coming days/weeks but in the meantime, why not check out this piece I wrote for my soon-to-be blog neighbor TheNatsBlog who are doing a roundup of each team’s offsesason and grading their Winter Meeting performance. I wrote about the San Diego Padres — who I hope trade Adrian Gonzalez to my Red Sox — and will have another piece on the Kansas City Royals coming up later. Definitely check out my piece and the rest of the roundups as a number of the Bloguin blogs are involved and it will give you a taste of the fantasticosity that is coming soon.

17
Dec
09

Can’t Stop What You Can’t See

If you make an awesome shootout goal but your team still loses, does it matter? Ask William Wallen of the Mississauga St. Michael Majors whose squad lost out to the Windsor Spitfires in an Ontario Hockey League game who scored this beauty the other night.

17
Dec
09

Having Lost Their Putz, Mets Should Look to Play With a Wang

The Mets offseason so far has been simply baffling, do they have a plan, are they aware they have multiple holes and need to improve their team? They know they play in NYC and have loads of cash and thus can, with shrewd moves change their recent misfortunes quickly right? Bueller?

So far the biggest moves the Mets have made involved signing not one, but TWO backup catchers, I guess because you can never be TOO comfortable with your emergency catcher. Never mind that Omir Santos had a decently solid rookie campaign and that was probably the LEAST needed position.

Currently, the Mets rotation consists of Johan (and his fraying elbow), Oliver Perez (woof), John Maine (eek), Mike Pelfrey (s’ok) and…

And that’s the problem. There is simply NO way the Mets can or should enter next season without at LEAST 7 starting pitchers on their 40-man roster because I think we all know that there is zero likelihood that Perez and Maine can get through a full season without imploding or getting injured.

So, it makes perfect sense for the team to pursue some of the free agents out there like Joel Pineiro, if only to prevent him from ever dominating them again. They should have made a play for Randy Wolf but he signed with the Brewers instead, and not for very much money either…

On the scrap heap, the Mets should be signing as many reclamation projects as they can; people like Ben Sheets and Chien-Mien Wang should be high atop the Metropolitans’ wish lists because the required commitment wouldn’t be too many years and the hope that at least ONE of them performs up to his past level would make the deals a bargain. Wang in particular would be a great pickup, he’s shown no problem with playing in NYC, his power sinker would play well in Citifield and the strong defense on the left side of the infield should help him get tons of outs. If Daniel Murphy ever learns how to catch a ball Wang could be REALLY effective. Because of his recent injuries and down year last season, Wang’s cost isn’t going to be prohibitive and from all accounts, Wang is PISSED at the Yankees and anything he can do to shove it up their asses is a bonus for him — and the Mets.

But of course, that won’t happen. After all, the Mets are too busy hot in pursuit of fat Bengie Molina because really, the chance to sign three catchers in an offseason is just too good to pass up.

If I were a Mets fan I think I’d kill myself.

17
Dec
09

Kobe Bryant is an Ice Cold Assassin

I wonder if after having hit so many game-winning shots if they start to get old for a player like Kobe Bryant. When he crushes the Milwaukee fans’ hopes of beating the Lakers in overtime Kobe seems awfully ho-hum, like it’s just another day in the office. Which, technically, it is.

At least the Bucks broadcasters are despondent proving SOME emotion.

17
Dec
09

The “Best” Names in College Lacrosse

I never played lacrosse in high school because that was at the same time as the tennis season and also the musicals; y’know, because I’m like THE most masculine dude ever. Since I never played, I have no compunction with poking fun at those who do, and who better to aid in the process then the folks over at Inside Lacrosse who cover the college game have released their 2nd annual Face-Off Yearbook All-Name Team. The criteria to be included are strict:

The main qualification is to have a first name that no one has ever heard of. Now, the tricky distinction comes down to differentiating between names that might have some ethnic heritage or lean more toward hippie than preppy.

The name has to be unique, and most importantly, it has to have a certain air about it. Basically, it has to sound like it fits in Judge Elihu Smails’ family, and belongs in a Tuesday afternoon foursome with Spaulding and his chums at Bushwood Country Club.

Without further delay, here are the 1st team winners:

Ridge Flick — Sr., A, Air Force

Ashton Hotchkiss — Sr., A, Roanoke

Gibbs Preston — Sr., A, McDaniel

Forest Sonnenfeldt — Fr., M, Princeton

Keaton O’Hara — So., M, Bellarmine

Caldwell Rohrbach — So., A, St. Lawrence

Zeppy O’Geen — So., F/O, Herkimer

Briggs Davis — So., LSM, Middlebury

Baxter Lanius — Fr., D, Lehigh

Dayton Gilbreath —So., D, Air Force

Brogin VanSkoik — Sr., Potsdam

Brewster Knowlton — So., G, WNEC

All excellent choices, and they have a second and third team as well that you can check out by going to their page HERE. Me, I’d have made sure Austin Milton Winter and Blaze Yeager were on the first squad, but then again, I’m the dude who played tennis and then did high school musicals so…

[Inside Lacrosse]




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