Archive for December 9th, 2009


The LFL is Expanding to Nashville, Now They Just Need a Coach

Proving themselves already stronger than the failed XFL, the Lingerie Football League is preparing for its second season already, with an expansion team opening for business in Nashville. While I’m sure there won’t be much difficulty in finding enough adequately skilled players, rounding out the coaching staff might be a bit tougher.

In order to facilitate the search, the team has posted an ad up on a startup job seekers website. From the ad:

We are looking to Hire a Head Coach for the Nashville Lingerie Football Team.
To coach and manage team. Travel and attend all games. Report to Team Manager, Tryout Players, and attend social functions as needed.
Must have in depth experience in football whether by coaching or professional play.
Very interested in Ex- NFL Players or Retired NFL Players.
Possess the skills necessary to coach a professional sports team.
A Business Management Degree a plus
Discussed at interview
The team is also looking for assistant coaches, so, if you’re more of a guy-behind-the-guy type of guy, there’s opportunities for you too.
I’m in it just for the post-game showers.



Naked Lady Rowers Headed Across the Atlantic

Two British women are attempting to make history as they set out on a 3,000 mile journey rowing across the Atlantic Ocean. Annie Januszewski (left), 40, and Mel King (right), 37, are looking to break the record for transatlantic travel by an all-female crew. The record right now is 75 days, but the pair are looking to do it 70.

To aid them along in their journey, the women have a unique hook, they’re going to do the whole journey naked. Originally they were going to just do the trip in their bras and underwear (to prevent chafing from their clothes) but changed their minds and are going to do the whole trip sans clothes now.

Among the challenges ahead for the women are 35 foot waves, days rowing for over 15 hours and of course, sunstroke and burns. But at least they won’t have to worry about tan lines!

Annie said: “I’ve just turned 40 but I’d like to get it straight that I’m not going through a mid life crisis. Hopefully being nude will allow us to shave days off our time. I know it’s going be the hardest thing I’ve ever done and boy, is my bum going to suffer.”

The team is leaving the Canary Islands today, as part of the Atlantic Rowing Race 2009 and hope to reach Antigua in February. If they make it, they’d be only the 7th all-female crew to make the crossing, and presumably the only ones to do the whole thing naked.

The trip isn’t just for the two women though, when they reach Antigua they’ll have raised over $50,000 for the MacMillan Cancer Support charity.

“I have always, always wanted to do something of this magnitude and what could possibly be bigger than rowing the Atlantic and setting a world record?” Annie said.

[The Sun]


A Good Ol’ Fashioned Hockey Fight

I like this fight between Pittsburgh’s Bill Guerin against Carolina’s Tim Gleason because both sides get their chance to get some shots in. There’s no doubt that Gleason wins the early part of the fight but when Guerin piledrives him into the ice and then throws a few forearms to the face, it evens the score.

[Hockey Fights]


Belichick Kicks 4 Players Out of Practice for Tardiness

Coming off their first 2-loss streak in 57 games, you’d hope that the Patriots were dedicating themselves to rediscover their swagger. Instead, with snow swirling around Boston today 4 players arrived late to an 8 AM meeting and were sent home. It’s not like Wednesday is one of the most important days of practice or anything, so I can see why they didn’t show on time. It’s also not like these are professional athletes with limited responsibilities beyond SHOWING UP TO PRACTICE!

Of the players in question, I’m not astonished that defensive end Derrick Burgess was no-show, after all, that’s exactly what he’s done on the field all season. Has he even been playing, because I feel like I have nearly the exact same stats as him for the season. Among the other players missing was Adalius Thomas, the highest paid defensive player on the team who has never lived up to the contract he signed and the expectations that came with it. He won’t be with the team next season for certain, but at least pretend like you care. Middle linebacker Gary Guyton was another of the tardy players, and from a young player like that, who was an undrafted free agent I expect more. This is a guy who has had to bust his ass to get where he is, don’t get lazy now!

And lastly, the final late player was one Randy Moss. Yes, Randy has been a model citizen in his time with the Patriots, yes the weather IS bad but there is simply no acceptable excuse for him to be late unless he has video footage of him singlehandedly pulling a school bus full of children out of a snowbank. This is the same Randy who put up little effort to prevent an interception in the end zone on Sunday, and who has been dominant for stretches and then non-existent in others. C’MON RANDY, you’re better than that.



Superman Flushes Kaman Down the Tubes

Chris Kaman is a 7 foot, 265 pound man, he’s quite a big person to just push around like it’s nothing; Dwight Howard on the other hand is a mere 6′ 11″, 265 pounds and quite the physical freak and he turns on Kaman and dunks over him like it was nothing.

Oh my indeed.


If You Hit Me Will I Not Grimace

We’re still 3 months away from pitchers and catchers reporting, but that doesn’t mean we have to forget about baseball. Let’s take a minute to enjoy the joy of players getting hit by fast-moving balls; sure it hurts, but these pictures capture some of the more awkward looking faces and grimaces these guys make.



Saints Fan Loses a Bet, Gets His 60″ TV Shot to Hell

The New Orleans Saints pulled off a compelling overtime victory over the Washington Redskins on Sunday, much to the chagrin of one Saints fan. It seems that this Livingston Parish resident figured the game was lost and so, he did what any rational person would do, he posted on Facebook that if the Saints won the game any of his friends could shoot his television.

After the Saints pulled out the win, a myriad of friends poured out of the woodwork, all packing heat and ready to destroy a beautiful 60 inch flat-screen. These guys aren’t fucking around either, sporting giant pistols, shotguns, and rifles (scoped and non-scoped) multiple 30 racks and dangling cigarettes, they then set up on the guy’s lawn and let ‘er rip.

I can’t decide what is more amazing with this video: how incredibly redneck-y this whole incident is, the fact that multiple people MISS the TV, the fact that everyone gets out of their cars holding a beer or a case of beer or that all these people are on Facebook.

BTW, these are the people that are considered part of the “real America.”

I’m OK not being a part of that.


Brady and Gisele Birth Out a Son

Earlier this morning, according to People Magazine, Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady welcomed the newest little bundle of joy into their family. Prior to the birth, Gisele had told Brady she didn’t wish to know the baby’s sex, preferring to be surprised; well, it’s a BOY!

The lucky, as yet unnamed lad is the first child for the happy couple and Tom’s second son, joining 2-year-old Jack. Just 9 more and he’s got his own offensive squad!

Both mother and baby are doing well.

Congrats Tom and Gisele!

Need a babysitter?


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The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

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December 2009