Archive for December 4th, 2009


Mike Lowell Doppelganger Teaches Cheerleaders the Sound of One Hand Fwapping

In Dover, New Hampshire police recently arrested 47-year-old Roy Chapman Jr, the Mike Lowell doppelganger was spotted by school custodians exposing himself as he sneaked a peek at the high school’s cheerleading tryouts.

After being seen, Chapman booked it, but police, with the help of a police dog, found him in the woods nearby. Police also found a small amount of weed in Chapman’s parked car in the school’s lot.

Fortunately, none of the cheerleaders saw Chapman who is being charged with indecent exposure, lewdness and possession of a controlled drug.

[WVCB via Busted Coverage]


SHOCK! The Yankees are Giant Douches — Even To Their Own Fans

Proving that just because they are immensely rich and are coming off a World Series victory doesn’t preclude them from being giant douchenozzles, even to their biggest fans, the Yankees have sent a cease and desist letter to the Yankees Universe blog. This is probably the first (and hopefully ONLY) time I have found myself siding with a Yankees fan on ANYTHING, but this is absofuckinglutely ridiculous and shows an arrogance that I didn’t think even the Yankees were capable of. The letter sent to blog states:

While the Yankees are very appreciative of their loyal and highly valued fan support,
unauthorized use of the Yankees Marks that would be confusing or misleading to the public, or
falsely imply some endorsement or sponsorship by the Yankees, cannot be tolerated. Although
the Website purports to be a “blog about Major League Baseball and the New York Yankees,” it
has clearly branded itself throughout with the Yankees Marks, including the Logo. Thus, you are
not using the Yankees Marks in a permissible manner but rather to brand your own online
service, and to create or imply a false impression that the Yankees have approved, condoned or
sponsored the Website.

Your unauthorized uses of the MLB Marks on the Website and in the Domain Name are
likely to cause confusion, mistake and deception as to the existence of an affiliation, connection
or association between your business on the one hand, and MLBAM, and/or other applicable
MLB Entities on the other, and constitute trademark infringement, dilution and unfair
competition in violation of federal and state law.

Accordingly, demand is hereby made that you immediately cease and desist from using
the YANKEE UNIVERSE name and the Logo, any other Yankees Mark and any other MLB
Mark in and as the name of your Website, to promote the Website, to seek advertising any other
commercial opportunities, in and as the Domain Name, and in any other manner that would
cause consumer confusion, dilution of the MLB Marks, or imply any sponsorship or
endorsement of your Website or its contents by any MLB Entity.

Way to go Yankees, this makes great business sense, why not alienate the people who care most passionately (and vociferously) about your team. After all, it was all those bleacher and upper deck seats that were empty all season and the rich guy seats were jam-packed. Oh wait. That’s right, it was the OTHER way around, and instead of courting and appreciating their actual fans the Yankees would, once more, rather cow-tow to the Richie Richs of the world and screw over the little guy. Hey Yankees fans, there’s plenty of room for you in Red Sox Nation, and we always appreciate OUR fans.

Perhaps in a coincidence, but I say not, the Yankees have dug up the corpse of George Steinbrenner and propped him up to appear at the team’s organizational meetings the last few days. Just saying, this is EXACTLY what a zombie corpse would want done…

The Yankees should be absolutely ASHAMED with themselves. Of course, their arrogance probably precludes them from feeling human emotions.

[The Yankees Universe via The Big Lead]


The Cavs Show They Can be Warriors Too

Considering most of the roster is way too young for The Warriors movie I’m going to assume that this Warriors-inspired intro was Shaq’s idea. Say what you want, but seeing Zydrunas Ilgauskas in that wig is one of the scarier things I’ve ever been exposed to.


Former Hooker is the Smartest One in this Tiger Woods Ordeal

The New York Post, bastion of all things sleazy and tawdry have finally gotten the most important voice to weigh in on the whole Tiger Woods saga; one-time call-girl Ashley Dupre.

The former paid paramour of Eliot Spitzer is spitting (swallowing costs extra) mad about all the women coming out of the woodwork to admit that, yes, they too took a drive off Tiger’s iron.

“Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex — all the while knowing he is married.

“And now they all can’t wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids?

“And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut.”

It’s not often that I say a former hooker is the one of the smartest people commenting on a news story — other than when Wolf Blitzer makes an apt point — but Dupre is right. Now can we please move on?

[NY Post]


Blair Scores Basket for the Celtics, the Only Problem, He’s a Spur

Just because someone is a professional basketball player doesn’t mean that he’s mastered all the ins and outs of the game as yet. Take San Antonio’s DeJuan Blair, he forgets that on defense you’re trying to STOP the other team from scoring and decides to help out the Celtics and tip the ball into the net for them. Isn’t that sweet?!


Who’s Not Honoring Stephen Now? Speed Skater Shani Davis!

American speedskater Shani Davis apparently doesn’t appreciate when people take his otherwise rarely noticed sport and provide it with television coverage and, most importantly, pay for all his training costs. Davis told reporters Thursday that he’s not a fan of Stephen Colbert who rallied his legions of fans to contribute and support the US Speed Skating team so that they are able to participate in the upcoming Olympics.

“He’s a jerk,” Shani Davis said after being asked for his take on the comedian’s criticism of Canadians. “You can put that in the paper.”

Davis has trained in Calgary in the past and has also had multiple run-ins with the US Speed skating authorities.

Presumably the comments that irritated Davis include when Colbert referred to the lack of ice-time for the US team on the Vancouver ice: “Those syrup-suckers won’t let us practice at their Olympic venues. At the Salt Lake Games, we let the Canadian luge team take 100 practice runs.”

Colbert isn’t alone in noticing the lack of ice time.

“It’s the Olympics, the point of the Olympics is to bring the whole world together and by doing that they’re kind of separating themselves off from the world,” said rising U.S. star Trevor Marsicano. “… It’s the way it is. I’m not going to complain about it.”

Unlike Davis though, Marsicano appreciates the largess of Colbert and his audience, recognizing that without their help the team would have little chance of success.

“He’s a good thing for U.S. Speedskating,” Marsicano said.



Don’t Throw it to STONE HANDS

When you give up 2 draft picks plus two players for one troubled receiver mid-season you are doing so with the intention of getting a big-time player, someone who will make a difference. Or, if you’re the New York Jets you do that trade for Braylon “Stone Hands” Edwards. This is the same Edwards who led the league with 16 dropped passes last year, but sure, he’s probably over that…


Norman Rockwell — Destroyer of the Chicago Cubs

It’s long been believed in Chicago that the Cubs streak of futility was caused when a man wasn’t allowed to bring his lucky goat into the stadium during the 1945 World Series but perhaps the source of all the team’s failures is someone else, famed illustrator Norman Rockwell.

In an iconic 1948 painting entitled, “The Dugout,” Rockwell painted a forlorn Cubs batboy resigned to yet another failure, in the background are slumped over Cubs players and managers and over them are jeering, disappointed fans. Not a pretty picture. A study for the final piece (that’s housed down the street from where I live at the Brooklyn Museum) was recently sold to a private collector for $662,500. The original picture was the cover for a 1948 Saturday Evening Post and was done in Boston prior to a Boston Braves/Cubs game; in fact the batboy isn’t a member of the Cubs but was the visiting team’s assigned batboy and actually a Boston native.

Scott Simon, an NPR host and Chicago native, has a print of “The Dugout” hanging in his office: “The fact that this painting was on the cover of the most popular magazine in America at the time, and had been painted by the most popular illustrator at the time, cemented in people’s minds the image of the Cubs as losers. Of course, they did everything possible to live up to that image. But after that picture, we no longer talked about a team that won nine pennants but about lovable losers.”

After the Cubs posed for the picture the lost both ends of a doubleheader, their catcher (who is directly behind the batboy) was beaned in the head. On the day the cover was published, Sept. 4,1948, the Cubs lost 6-0 to the Brooklyn Dodgers; All Star pitcher Johnny Schmitz who stands to the right of the batboy gave up 5 runs in 3 innings during that game.

[Chicago Tribune]


Don’t Stop Until You’re in the Endzone

This clip of Pioneer High School’s excellently executed final play of the game is from almost a month ago but I’m willing to wager big bucks that most of you have been remiss in following random high school football games and so this is new to you.

This play gets attempted a lot, but rarely ever works; these guys put it all together.


Is There Anything Like a Good Ol’ Fashioned Fluorescent Lamp Fight?

I don’t understand much of Japanese culture, they just do things differently over there. For example, have you ever heard of a fluorescent light fight? Me either until loyal commenter the Sister passed this story along. Now, I haven’t been able to find other examples of this, but even if this only happened once it’s fucking amazing! Supposedly this is a semi-regular underground MMA-style fight but I haven’t found anything else on it; probably because it’s so dangerous they don’t court a lot of press coverage…

I don’t know if this is some Yazuka underground stuff, some weird Japanese reality show or just two dudes getting together to express their emotions to one another, but I do know that is bizarre and horrific. And probably an AMAZING event to attend in person, if only for the weirdness factor.

[Wicked Report]


Tiger’s Indiscretions Affect Us All

Lost among the clamor of the Tiger Woods story is the impact that this is having on the people around him. Won’t anyone think of Tiger’s poor neighbors!?! For instance, Ryan Longwell, the place kicker for the Minnesota Vikings lives in the same gated community as Tiger, they’re neighbors actually and since this story broke the coverage has been invasive even on Longwell’s wife and kids.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Won’t anyone think of the children?

[Shutdown Corner]

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December 2009