Archive for December 21st, 2009


Read My Words Elsewheres

The gents over at the Nats Blog’s tour around the Winter Meetings and the offseason continues, and your intrepid reporter here contributed once more, writing on the Kansas City Royals. Check it out and enjoy the dulcet tones of my writing.

[The Nats Blog]


The Raptors Must HATE Their Fans

The Toronto Raptors must be trying to drive down their attendance or something, that’s the only reason I can think of for why they would unleash a cruel and unusual punishment on their fanbase. On February 3rd the team will hold “Fan Night” at the Air Canada Centre, innocuous enough, in fact, down right pleasant; but wait, there’s MORE!

The game will be held against the New Jersey Nets!  Yes the same team that currently sits 2-26 and has shown no sign of ever improving. Wow, what a GAME! If that’s not enough to get you into the game, THERE’S MORE!

At halftime, for the fans, as a way to HONOR and APPRECIATE them, the Raptors will unleash VANILLA ICE!


WHY! How much would they have to pay you to go to that game? Hundreds of American dollars right?

Is there some kind of plot where the owner of the Raptors wants to lower attendance in order to relocate to Miami? Otherwise, this just seems especially cruel.

[Last Angry Fan]


One Second Left…He Shoots!…He…!

I’m not 100% convinced that this video is real, but it is really NEAT so let’s take a look. In it Mike Nowoslawski, a 9th grader makes a pretty awesome last second shot, he apparently scored 28 points in the game. I’d be more excited, but that shot ruined the point spread on the game and he cost me a bundle.


We Have Our Winners!

It was tough, there were many highly worthy candidates but ultimately, someone had to win the free subscription for NBA League Pass Broadband. The choice was made exceedingly harder by the EXCELLENT trash-talk that many of the contestants participated in, I think your denigrations of each other made us all better people, and I know I enjoyed it and hope you did as well.

Our Grand Prize, first place winner exhibited some excellent follow-up trash-talk to go along with his fine initial comment. In particular his examples of players that he was like was masterfully done and amusing too, which is more than enough to sway this judge. So, the free NBA League Pass broadband package goes to commenter Bo!

In second place, exhibiting a crass, aggressive and acerbic wit, comes Gabe who wins a fabulous new CAR! Well. If by car I mean a NEW adidas NBA BACKPACK!  But similar! HOORAY!

Our third place finisher Brandon Ribak, brought a voice of reason to this knife-fight and backed up his talk, earning him this position and he wins… an NBA pullover sweatshirt! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yes!

Honorable mention goes to SoxDoc whose Eric Montross comment probably made me laugh the most.

Thank you to ultimately though to EVERYONE who participated, you’re all winners. Technically those three people really “won” but you too won the day. Go forth and tell your friends that you “won” a contest on the Slanch Report, they’re sure to be impressed, call your parents, email your high school principal. Also stay tuned for more fun contests along the way as we hope to have many more in the new year hope you”ll all come along for the ride.

Finally, and most importantly THANK YOU so much for reading and participating and telling your friends about us and please don’t stop now; we have a number of big things coming that are only going to enhance everyone’s experience so stay TUNED!


Dante Culpepper Scores a Field Goal

With the situation in Detroit, both on and off the field, miserable, the least the NFL could do is amend the rules so that after Dante Culpepper rears back and throws an approximately 65-yard ball that flies through the uprights he could get three points, right? C’mon, Detroit has suffered enough, they deserve this!


Snow Causes Havoc Up the Eastern Corridor

As snowstorms swirled across the Northeast, Baltimore’s game against the Bears was in serious trouble; the Bears were finding it nearly impossible to get out of Chicago and the Ravens’ stadium was doused in a heavy helping of snow. Worried about being able to get the stadium ready in time the Ravens looked to an unlikely source for assistance.

Joining the 700 workers at M&T Bank Stadium were 125 inmates and supervisors from a nearby prison in helping clear the snow from the field and stands. With 21 inches of snow on the ground, every helping hand was needed, it was the 7th-largest recorded snowfall in Baltimore history.

While criminals were clearing out the stadium in Baltimore, up I-95 the should-be criminals that are Philadelphia sports fans were having some fun playing with the snow that covered their stadium. With the San Francisco 49’ers in town, the Eagles faithful pelted the opposing fans with snowballs throughout the game as this video from the 700 Level shows. Based on the fact that there are already a number of these videos up from yesterday’s game, I think it’s fair to say that these were not isolated incidents from the normally sedate and friendly Philadelphia faithful. 

[Chicago Breaking Sports and 700 Level]


Anna Kournikova Visits the Troops

She didn’t win any tournaments when she was a on the professional tennis tour, but I’m sure Anna Kournikova won over a few hearts when she recently visited some of the troops stationed at the North Kabul International Airport compound in Afghanistan. The USO-sponsored trip brought Kournikova, comedian Dave Attell, singer Billy Ray Cyrus (sans Miley which I’m sure was the most disappointing to the soldiers) and of course, the big star, tennis coach Nick Bollettieri (who? yeah, I don’t know either.)’

I think it’s safe to say that, as funny as he is, Dave Attell was NOT the most looked-forward to celebrity for the soldiers. Kournikova was extremely gracious on her 3rd USO trip, signing autographs and taking loads of pictures with the assembled troops “I am extremely proud and privileged to be here,” she told them. “Thank you so much to you and your family for all you do.”

[International Security Assistance Force HQ Public Affairs]

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December 2009
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