For the first time in his entire professional baseball career, Ichiro Suzuzi was thrown out of a game on Saturday. The Baseball Samurai used his bat to draw a line by the outside edge of the plate, showing home plate umpire Brian Runge that the pitch he called for strike 3 was actually outside. Runge immediately rang him up and tossed Ichiro who then argued (probably using his extensive vocabulary of expletives) before being escorted off the field by manager Don Wakamatsu. Ichiro ended the day going a rare 0-3 but managed to still make history by being the first Mariner to get thrown out of a game all season, so, there’s that!
Archive for September, 2009
26
Sep
09
Ichiro Draws a Line in the Dirt
24
Sep
09
Those Doors are Space-Age
Hockey players are tough guys, they lose teeth on the ice and are always ready for a fight. Or at least back in the day; now the players are on the verge of being coddled. Check out the locker-room for the Vancouver Canucks at their new home, the GM Place. I mean, with such a stalwart sponsor like GM, this is SURE to end happy.
Serving a ten-day sentence for interference with official acts and violation of a protective order, Randy Barker is more than just a convicted criminal, he’s a Red Sox fan.
Using the rare legal argument that Barker has “few pleasures” in his life besides baseball and that going to jail would interfere with his previously made plans to attend the Royals/Sox game, Barker’s attorney got the judge to temporarily release him.
Norman Barker, Randy’s dad, said that they had been planning the trip for 3 months and that he and his two sons hadn’t been able to see a game together in 25 years.
Leaving the jail Wednesday afternoon in a Sox hat and uniform, he was expected back sometime Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. Because apparently, fuck it!
The honorable Judge Benny Waggoner said the request was “reasonable under the circumstances” before granting the release, telling the local TV station that he has “never done anything like this before.”
It appears he was swayed by Norman’s heartfelt confession: “[Randy’s] always been a Red Sox fan, The Red Sox got a knuckle ball pitcher. I have an 11-year-old grandson that plays baseball, pitches perfect knuckle ball and that’s why we’re going.”
Even some of Barker’s family were conflicted as to the judge’s decision. Lance Morris, presumably a relative of some sort told reporters that
His therapist has called me to say she has a duty to warn me that he told her he wanted to get a gun and shoot me. But he wants to go to a ballgame so they let him out. This is the third time he’s had a violation. This is the third time he’s had to go to jail. I guess if the judge feels that’s right that he needs special privileges then that’s what he’s going to get.
Go Sox!
[KCCI]
24
Sep
09
Ric Flair Needs Some Scratch
Having already signed on to wrestle Hulk Hogan in Australia, now former wrestling superstar Ric Flair is helping North Carolina hawk lottery tickets with their new “Wooooooooo” scratch-off tickets.
It was particularly nice of the producers to provide Ric with that young chick as eye-candy, compared to him at least. I mean, he’s old enough to be her father. When he walks out of the curtain I’m amazed he didn’t snap his femur just walking.
[OSG]
22
Sep
09
Mama, Who Was That Masked Man?
The accepted public hazing of baseball’s rookies continues and as much as I dislike the Yankees I have to say they flat-out KILLED it with this year’s iteration. Here is Anthony Flynn as Robin, Mark Melancon as Batman, Ramiro Pena as Catwoman, Michael Dunn as the Riddler and massage therapist Lew Potter as the Penguin. Well played Yankees veterans, well played. I just hope this kind of success doesn’t carry over into the playoffs.
After last week’s loss, Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin came home to his house vandalized by local teenagers. This week the Bills WON and when safety Donte Whitner came home he found that he had been robbed to the tune of $400,000 in jewelry.
Donte is not married, so you read that right, a DUDE has $400,000 in jewelry lying around the house. Patrice Horton, Whitner’s business spokesman told reporters that “[Donte] was upset. He was hurt. He doesn’t know who was responsible. There’s some feeling of being violated. You don’t know who was in your home. But he’s OK.”
Now, far be it from me to tell a young millionaire how to waste his money, but $400,000+ in jewelry? When you live in BUFFALO? What could you possibly need that for, I mean, where are you going out? Are they that impressed at the one Hooters/nightclub in the “city”?
During his game against the Bucs Whitner took a 76-yard interception to the house, scoring his first NFL touchdown. Obviously, his homecoming was less than stellar but he doesn’t think the incidents represent a trend.
“I think it’s two isolated incidents,” Whitner said. “I wouldn’t say it was the fans or anything like that. I’m not pointing any fingers, but the fact of the matter is something happened. I love the fans here. We’re going to win some more football games for you guys.”
22
Sep
09
That’s a Whole Lot of Horse
Cheryl Davis of Princeton, Texas celebrated some great news on Monday, her Clydesdale horse, Remington, was named the World’s Largest Living Horse by the Guinness Book of Records people. Measuring in at a robust 80 inches without shoes, and topping the scales at over 3,000 pounds, Remi is a whole lot of horse.
He even has his own blog, called Of Course I’m a Horse which follows his adventures. Cheryl describes her large equine friend as playful as a puppy and like a feisty teenager.
“I was always proud of him, but I’m even more so now.” Cheryl said after receiving the news, “That’s the whole name of the game – to break the record.”
Because of his size, Remington requires special-made shoes for his size 10 hooves and a special trailer to transport him place to place. Am I the only one wondering what the conversion rate is from a horse size 10 to junk size? I can’t be the only one right?
Regardless, to celebrate his honor Remington received a few extra carrots and Cheryl got a certificate from the Guinness folks though she’s unsure where she’ll hang it up. “Not in the barn, he’d probably eat it.”
Despite having a last name that’s usually the first name of a demure little girl, Jason Allison — former Bruin baby! — decides to see what’s inside the brain of Philadelphia Flyer Darroll Powe. Allison has been away from the game for a bit but he apparently hasn’t lost his edge, or his ripping strength…
Nearly lost amidst an article about Twitter cracking down on fake accounts was this gem:
“Twitter has decided to act after Tony La Russa, the coach of an obscure American baseball team, launched a legal action over a fake account. He claimed that postings in which he appeared to make light of the death of two of his players had been ‘hurtful’.
I mean, sure, St. Louis isn’t Paris or New York, but obscure? The Cardinals ain’t exactly a company softball team either. I guess to the Brits anything not having to do with getting their jubblies jollied off and fliming the flozzle-wingdy just doesn’t matter.
Now, I’m all for plagiarizing, I mean, hey, it’s fun! However, if you’re going to plagiarise, do it from someone and something worthwhile, copying Jon Voight from Varsity Blues doesn’t cut it.
Tim Tebow, whose shit don’t stink in the eyes of Florida should learn this post-haste. This was his locker-room speech last week and while the team won, I wager it was NOT because of this parroted speech.
I particularly love the look of the players right behind Tebow who clearly could care less about what he’s saying and have a “I can’t believe he’s using a Varsity Blues speech and thinks it is going to psyche us up” look on their faces.
20
Sep
09
Hey Gang
So I know you like your updates fast and furious, but for the next 4 days or so they’re going to be more like slow and plodding. Most likely there won’t be much in the way of new items during the day, but there will be in the evening. I’ll try and get ahead as much as possible, but I’m also lazy and busy elder-caring and eating fresh seafood so…
But don’t worry, there WILL be new content everyday still.
The Slanch Report 
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