Archive for June 2nd, 2009


That Man Was Punching My Boy

In Helsinki, Finland on Saturday night, EU light weltweight champion Giuseppe Lauri fought Juho Tolppola; losing the match Tolppola tried in the 10th round to get a late punch in at the back of Lauri’s head. Considering he’d already been penalized for a headbutt, the ref signaled he was stopping the fight.

The local Finns didn’t love that and in particular, Tolppola’s dad took offense, charging at the ref before eventually being tackled by different ref.

Now that’s good parenting. I’m always a fan of when the family decides to come after the refs.

[Sports Rubbish]


The Worst Hat in America

It’s bad enough to go to a sports stadium like Fenway Park and see loads of pink hats fans — both literally and figuratively — around, but this latest hat offering from the Boston Red Sox is simply abysmal. I don’t care that this is being marketed for kids, it’s absolutely terrible.

Introducing, the one item that all of America has been clamoring for, a pink Red Sox hat that has scratch and sniff parts that smell like watermelon.

At last!


This is the worst.

[MLB via Boston Dirt Dogs]


Finally, a Swimmer Starts Talking Sense

stephanie-rice-australian-swimmerJapanese swimming phenom Ryosuke Irie is upset because the international swimming regulatory body FINA has yet to ratify his record-setting 200 meter backstroke performance from last month. FINA is concerned over the bathing suit that he wore and whether or not it unfairly aided his abilities.

“It’s sad everyone keeps talking about the swimsuits. Mentally it was a bit upsetting for me,” Irie said, “My swimming went to pieces and I didn’t want to get in the pool for a while.”

“It would be better if all the swimmers did (wear tiny g-strings) but it would be tough to make them do it,” he told a Reuters reporter.

I for one am ALL in favor of, well, at least the women, wearing g-strings. I think it will add a much needed boost to the sport and capitalize on the brief period of popularity that lasted right after the Summer Olympics and has already faded from consciousness.

I would like to be the first to suggest, obviously, that my favorite swimmer, Stephanie Rice be the first to race in g-strings. Or she can just come over to my apartment in one and work on this new training regimen I’ve come up with…



I Can See Your Balls

Russian biker Denis Menchov was very excited after winning stage 21 of the Giro D’Italia race, I’m sure I’d be excited too, but I likely wouldn’t be displaying my balls like this.

OK, that’s not 100% true…


Also, nice pink leotard.


Bill Simmons Ripped Me Off

Notice this passage from Bill Simmons’ latest article in ESPN the Magazine, or as I like to call it, “That thing I get in the mail and throw out without opening.”

We reached the “ending badly” point with David Ortiz five weeks ago. Remember in Superman II when Clark Kent gave up his superpowers so he could be with Lois Lane — lesson No. 184 on how women ruin everything — and then a bully beat the crap out of the suddenly mortal superhero in a diner? That’s been Big Papi since Opening Day.

And then there is THIS, from my piece last week about Big Papi:

And yet, despite all this, despite Ortiz’ struggles the fans of Boston have embraced him still. Sure a smattering of boos followed him after some of his many strikeouts, but those reactions are out of love, the fans have looked to Papi for so long as indestructible, you knew when he came up that he’d come through for the team. For all of us, it’s like in Superman 2 when Clark Kent gets beaten up in the diner and starts bleeding from a cut for the first time. How could this happen to him, he’s Superman, how could it come to this, David Ortiz struggling to even get a hit?

I can’t believe Simmons is reading my stuff, and then STEALING it. How else could we BOTH have used the same Superman 2 reference, albeit, slightly different? I refuse to believe that anyone else, prior to me writing my bit thought to compare Superman 2 and Ortiz. Therefore, ESPN, I’m ready for an apology/job offer. After all, unlike Rick Reilly I work every day and I don’t write stories that are 3 months too late.


Now THIS is a Commercial

Ah, America. I’m also a big fan of the location of Bear Mountain Sports, right by Weedpatch Highway, because as soon as I get my gun I’ll want to go after some hippies.

And from a Yahoo review of the store comes this gem: “The only place to shop . . .: Good old small town advise, and great prices. You won’t get jacked around like you do at Second Amendment Sports.”

Because as we all know, Second Amendment Sports is run by douchebags.


England Discovers Sunglasses

British citizens automatically seem to be a little bit classier, a little bit smarter and certainly more cultured, just by nature of their accents than Americans. However, then I see this article, from the science correspondent of the Telegraph, I start to rethink the way I see the Brits.

Here’s the actual headline from the story:

England Cricket Team’s secret weapon – sunglasses

The England cricket team are to use a secret weapon in this summer’s international matches: coloured sunglasses.


Read the whole article if you’re so inclined, but basically it turns out that dark lenses make it harder for cricket players to see the ball and that with lighter glasses they can see the ball easier. AMAZING!

Michael Vaughan, former England captain and batsman, said he regularly wears black-tinted sunglasses to help him pick out the ball in bright conditions. He said: “I wear black iridium sunglasses.

“I used to wear them when it was windy to help keep the wind out of my eyes. When it was sunny or slightly bright it would help reduce the glare.

“With the amount of time we spend outside, a lot of the players find it helps relax our eyes if we are wearing sunglasses and it can help you pick the ball up quicker.”

The Brits have had scientists and optometrists working on these revelations in secret, in order to maintain their competitive edge over the rest of the cricket world.

Sometimes I wonder how a worldwide empire can collapse, then I read this story…



Soccer Players are Really Tough

Remember the soccer player who flopped when the breeze from the linesman’s flag brushed by him, well, he’s got company now in the world of professional flopping. Here the coach goes for the headbutt, fails and then both decide to take the two biggest falls possible.

I don’t understand how soccer players keep getting all these incredibly good-looking women when they are all such wusses.

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June 2009