Archive for June 9th, 2009


A Slanch Report “Live” Blogging Event!

BudSeligDraft96Because I enjoyed doing it last year, I’m going to be blogging the MLB draft once more, starting tonight at 6pm. It will be a “semi-live” blogging event, because, with the Sox/Yankees game I may get distracted and I only have the one cable hookup, but stay tuned and come back later to enjoy all the Bud Selig awkwardness and grainy footage of high school baseball players!

Join us after the jump for the full “live” blogging experience.

Continue reading ‘A Slanch Report “Live” Blogging Event!’


The Destroyer of Shea

!BTvO8cw!mk~$(KGrHgoH-D4EjlLl0WegBKKBDgQKT!~~_1If you have $35,000 lying around your place I have the PERFECT investment for you; the wrecking ball that destroyed Shea Stadium is available on eBay.

According to the very terse description, this auction is for the “AUTHENTIC ONE AND ONLY 3TON GINNOW STEELWRECKING BALL USED TO DEMOLISH THE FAMOUS SHEA STADIUM IN 2008!”

You can’t put a price on history like that. Except, obviously the $35,000 starting bid. I have to imagine this collector’s item would be a natural fit in any sports fan’s game room. It’s like a Fat Head, but cooler.

[eBay via Sporting News]


Teixeira Chooses Boston over New York

_49be4030a7a41In a day and age when sports players are no longer being looked up to as heroes, where every superstar is suspected of using performance enhancing drugs, our most hallowed records are tainted and the stories of athletes in trouble with the law are constant, it’s nice to see that there are still some honorable people out there. Melissa Anne Teixeira is one of those REAL heroes.

Originally slated to be the quarterback of the New England Euphoria, the region’s entrant in the Lingerie Football League, the franchise struggled to find a proper venue and are instead, relocating to New York. For Teixeira, a lifelong Massachusetts resident, that move was simply too much for her and she submitted her letter of resignation to league officials on her blog.

After careful thought and consideration, I regretfully have to announce that at this time, it is not in my best interest to switch to the New York team. As much as I would like to be a part of this league, there are just too many unknown factors that have been taken into consideration. It is not feasible for me to relocate to New York with the current economic status, combined with my personal finances. At this time, I can not financially support myself commuting to and from New York weekly, while keeping up with my regular monthly expenses as well as my job, without completely knowing what I am going to get out of it, other then PR.


While the publicity was appreciated, press can not be put in my wallet. It seems that I have already come out of pocket to be a part of this league and I can not continue to do so. This is the most honest & sincere decision that I can make. With everything in mind, I would like to say that I need to wait out the inaugural LFL season while anticipating the possible return of the New England Euphoria. Drawing a fan base from New England while playing for a New York team would not only be difficult, but it would be unfair and would take away from the team, as I would not be able to successfully contribute to the goal of ticket sales and promotion. The fans of New England are true to themselves and their teams, and I would like to remain a part of New England as this is my home. I am a New England fan and forever will be. I am sorry to have to come to this decision but it is in the best interest of myself, the New York Majesty and their fans. If there is something else within the league that I can do, please let me know and I would be glad to consider it. If not, then maybe New England will see you next year.

Unlike traitors like Johnny Damon, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens, etc, self-respect and pride of home were much more important factors for Ms. Texeira. In a time when we have all too few real heroes, Melissa Anne Teixeira stands up for all of us and says, “You can look at my ass in lingerie, but only in New England,” and god bless her for it. USA! USA! USA!

[Hemi Girl via Sports by Brooks]


Someone Save TOM BRADY!

GiseleBundchenIndex657872The other day, newlyweds Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen took to the Charles River in downtown Boston in kayaks for a leisurely afternoon spent being incredibly good-looking.

Unfortunately, as good as he is on the football field, it seems Tom Tremendous isn’t as skilled with a paddle in his hands. Tom flipped over in his kayak and then struggled to get back into the boat. Ultimately, the launch guy from the boat rental spot had to go out and assist Tom back into the kayak.

Thankfully, the ordeal wasn’t too draining for Tom who managed to work up the energy to go golfing yesterday at a Patriots’ charity golf event.

Also, while he might have been slightly embarrassed about the whole capsizing thing, I’m sure he can get over it when he has Gisele there to nurse his…ego.


[Boston Herald]


The Marlins Know How to Draw a Crowd

accountantTonight’s matchup between the Florida Marlins and St. Louis Cardinals is notable not for the game itself, but because, finally, the promotional event everyone has been waiting for is here, the 5th Annual CPA Appreciation night.

Your CPA saved you some cash a couple months ago at tax time, now it’s time to reward him or her and give them the gift that everyone appreciates, a trip to an otherwise empty stadium! Hooray!

Spend that tax refund on your CPA, I bet you can even write it off as a charitable expense!

[Florida Marlins]


Serious as a Heart Attack

Anthony Van Loo was minding his own business in the 44th minute of a soccer game in the Belgian soccer leagues when he suddenly suffered a heart attack. Van Loo, who suffers from a heart condition, has a defibrillator previously installed in his chest and after collapsing on the pitch, it activated, shocking him back alive and likely saving his life. He was taken off the field for precautionary reasons.


Yankees Fan Smuggles Grass into Phish Show

fenway_seedsA week ago I took to the friendly confines of Fenway for the beginning of the Phish summer tour; I was there in the spirit of fun and to enjoy myself, some in the crowd had ulterior motives. Ian Ferris, 30, of Shelburne, Vermont, a manager of a Hooters in Vermont came to the concert and smuggled in some grass.

Unlike the other 40,000+ people who were at the concert and smuggled in their own grass, Ferris’ was of an evil nature. While everyone else was lighting up and smoking theirs, Ferris was maliciously tossing seeds from his bag of Yankees grass (available for purchase at the stadium and online), onto the blocked off infield grass all in an attempt to counterbalance the effects of the once-buried David Ortiz jersey in the new Yankee Stadium.

“This is payback. If even one blade of grass sprouts on the field, I feel it was a success,” he said.

Gino Castignoli, the construction worker who planted the uniform in the first place though is unimpressed.

“My curse is working,” he said. “It’s typical of a Yankee fan to think you can buy a jinx in a bag. When will they learn, you don’t win with your wallet but with your heart?”

How dare Ferris come into Fenway for a light-hearted affair like Phish and taint it. The concert had NOTHING to do with Red Sox/Yankees, it’s like chanting “Yankees Suck” at a bar mitzvah, it’s just unnecessary. Also, anyone from Vermont who is a Yankees fan is a douchenozzle of the utmost and most likely a bandwagon loser fan. Just saying…

[NY Post]

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2009