Notice this passage from Bill Simmons’ latest article in ESPN the Magazine, or as I like to call it, “That thing I get in the mail and throw out without opening.”
We reached the “ending badly” point with David Ortiz five weeks ago. Remember in Superman II when Clark Kent gave up his superpowers so he could be with Lois Lane — lesson No. 184 on how women ruin everything — and then a bully beat the crap out of the suddenly mortal superhero in a diner? That’s been Big Papi since Opening Day.
And then there is THIS, from my piece last week about Big Papi:
And yet, despite all this, despite Ortiz’ struggles the fans of Boston have embraced him still. Sure a smattering of boos followed him after some of his many strikeouts, but those reactions are out of love, the fans have looked to Papi for so long as indestructible, you knew when he came up that he’d come through for the team. For all of us, it’s like in Superman 2 when Clark Kent gets beaten up in the diner and starts bleeding from a cut for the first time. How could this happen to him, he’s Superman, how could it come to this, David Ortiz struggling to even get a hit?
I can’t believe Simmons is reading my stuff, and then STEALING it. How else could we BOTH have used the same Superman 2 reference, albeit, slightly different? I refuse to believe that anyone else, prior to me writing my bit thought to compare Superman 2 and Ortiz. Therefore, ESPN, I’m ready for an apology/job offer. After all, unlike Rick Reilly I work every day and I don’t write stories that are 3 months too late.
The Slanch Report 
i like that you’ve created a tag called “the sports guy ripped me off” as you anticipate this happening many times in the future. now that simmons has found this fountain of creativity, he will drink it dry!
you should email him about it. he seems like the type of guy to write about your exchange in his next column.
I think we can all agree that I’m the most creative sports “writer” to arrive on the scene in the last 30-420 years, I don’t blame Simmons for seeing my gold and trying to turn his hay into it. Don’t worry Bill, you’ll get there.
also, rick reilly is a fucking hack bot