Archive for June 23rd, 2009

23
Jun
09

Where A Bike is More Important Than a Person

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches, Football, Other Sports, Poor Governing and Random
Tags: , , , ,

armstrong_lanceJust another follow-up to the Donte Stallworth justice system debacle; Lee Monroe Crider, 40, pleaded no contest and received a 3 year prison sentence for second-degree burglary and grand theft for stealing Lance Armstrong’s custom $10,000 bike. Crider’s co-defendant Dung Hoang Le received a 90 day sentence and three years probation on a misdemeanor charge.

That means that for stealing a BICYCLE, one man will be penalized 3 times as much as Donte Stallworth was for KILLING a PERSON, and the other receives a mere 1065 MORE days in prison than Stallworth will be getting. It must be nice to be able to buy your way out of consequences. I officially give up.

[ESPN]

23
Jun
09

Fake Umpires to Invade NYC

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , , ,

fake-umps-jay-gameIf you’ve seen any Blue Jays games this season you’ve probably seen the two fans who sit directly behind home plate dressed in complete umpiring gear, including face-masks, and call the games along with the real umps. The two men, Tim Williams and Joe Farrell are Blue Jays season ticket holders and work as traders at the Toronto Stock Exchange and acquired all their authentic gear from a chance encounter with two umpires at a steakhouse.

Now, they are taking their act on the road, having followed their Jays to Washington DC for the recent series with the Nationals. They intend on traveling to Oakland for a series in August and during the upcoming series with the Yankees on July 3-5 the Yankees’ own broadcasting arm, YES, is bringing the two down to sit behind home. Amazingly they didn’t have to bump anyone out of the seats, because no one ever sits there anyways. What does it say about the Yankees that in their first season at their new home the only way they can get people to sit behind home in their exorbitantly expensive seats is to GIVE THEM AWAY TO THE OPPOSING TEAMS’ FANS?!!?

[Fanhouse]

23
Jun
09

The X-Games Back in the Day

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , ,

Apparently, the urge to be extreme was not first brought to America’s consciousness by Doritos and Mountain Dew; these two videos recorded by Thomas Edison in 1899 and 1901 feature bike riders doing some pretty decent moves. Eat your heart out X-Games wannabes, even better, to these bike riders being “stoked” meant tending to a fire.

[Law Librarian]

23
Jun
09

An Angels and Zombies Doppelganger

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Celebrities and Doppelgangers
Tags: , ,

When the Angels arrived in the World Series in 2002 they did so with two very important rookie pitchers; Francisco Rodriguez, quickly dubbed K-Rod, who powered the bullpen and John Lackey a strong-armed starting pitcher who was given the daunting task of starting game 7 of the World Series. Lackey, and the Angels won, obviously, and since then he has been when healthy, one of the better starting pitchers in the American League. Nick Frost had the good sense to become best friends with Simon Pegg long before Pegg became famous and as Pegg’s acting career took off, he brought Frost along on the journey. Starring in Shaun of the Dead, as Pegg’s best friend Ed, Frost introduced himself to a worldwide audience and stole most of the scenes he was in. Despite being born nearly 5000 miles away from one another, these two gentleman share quite the resemblance as pointed out by loyal reader the roomate.

What do YOU think, make sure to VOTE in the POLL below so that this doppelganger can breathe the fresh air of freedom that is on the permanent Doppelgangers page.

LackeyFrost

23
Jun
09

Jose Gets Rear-Ended

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , , ,

ReyestruckDecimated by injuries — last night the Mets starting lineup featured 3 members of the team’s Opening Day starting lineup — the last thing the Mets need is to have anything upset the recovery of their walking wounded. Yesterday, while heading to the Hospital for Special Surgery in Manhattan for a check-up, Jose Reyes and team trainer Ray Ramirez were rear-ended on the RFK Bridge by a firetruck.

While fortunately no one was hurt, what is even more interesting is that the Mets initially had no intention of announcing the accident had happened until last night’s starting pitcher, Tim Redding accidentally told reporters about the incident. Ooops!

“I got here about 10 after 4 and a lot of things were going on,” Redding said. “Apparently a lot of things were going on all over the city. Our shortstop and our trainer, who’s been working his butt off to keep us on the field, got into an accident. Carlos was getting an MRI and being placed on the DL. And people were being moved, brought up and sent all over the place. So it was a whirlwind day.”

The Mets then were forced to issue a statement and explain what happened so as to not cause even MORE panic amongst their fans. In the meantime, from now on Jose Reyes should be transported in a truck filled with mattresses.

[NJ.com]

23
Jun
09

That’s a Talented Shot

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Basketball
Tags: , ,

In 8th grade, gym class is always full of awkwardness, if you need to change into gym clothes theres the whole locker room ordeal, then once in class there’s the whole being good or bad at sports thing, plus everyone is at the height of their own awkwardness. All in all, it’s a shit-show. For one shining moment though, Aaron Shutway, an 8th grader at Brecksville-Broadview Middle School in Broadview Heights, Ohio brushed past the awkwardness that is prepubescence and captured one moment of glory. If he were in high school he might get laid for such an act, instead, he might get an awkward cheek kiss later instead. Sweet!

23
Jun
09

Now This is Facial Hair

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Mustaches and Random
Tags: , , ,

Remember the World Beard and Mustache Championships that happened in late May up in Anchorage, Alaska? Well, I’ve been remiss in not updating you loyal readers with some of the winners at the competition. You might recall that one avid bearder, Phil Olsen had created a group called Beard Team USA and the team actually placed very well in the competition with members winning multiple categories, including placing first and second in the Overall Beard competition, which is the biggest and most prestigious category. Now, here are some of the finest specimens from Beard Team USA starting with David Traver whose braided awesomeness took home 1st place in the Full Beard Freestyle and took home the Overall Champion title as well. For more information about the competition, the competitors and Beard Team USA and plenty more photos, check out their website by clicking here.

davidtraver

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

June 2009
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930  

Categories