Archive for the 'Baseball' Category



30
Apr
08

Fenway Timelapse = Awesome!

Check out this time lapse video of a day at Fenway from setup through a game. Pretty damn awesome.

29
Apr
08

Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?

Have you ever thought about what you would do with a million dollars, how you’d spend it, what awesome things you could do or buy? What about winning the lottery, say, a megabucks worth 126 million dollars? Well, now imagine that you have that money and you can only spend it on one thing, a curveball pitcher who can’t strike anyone out, who walks way too many people and whose reputation is partly based on erroneously winning the Cy Young over Pedro Martinez based almost solely on win totals*. Want to kill yourself yet? Try this link that my buddy Garnold found where you can see how many years at your current salary it would take to equal Barry Zito’s yearly $14.5million. Now you’ll definitely want to kill yourself.

Only 17 months into a 7 year contract, Barry Zito has been taken out of the rotation and placed in the bullpen for the time being. With an ERA of 7.53 in nearly 29 innings, he has been ridiculously ineffective, a WHIP just shy of 2, and a K:BB of 11:15 adds up to Zito being garbage right now.

What happened to the fun-loving Zito who brought a devastating 12-6 curveball that just froze hitters? The Zito who won 40 games in his first two full seasons has disappeared from sight. The guy once struck out 200 hitters but now is lucky to get ANY swing and misses, how could this have happened?

Clearly, right now, with his control terrible, and hitters knowing this, they are keying off ALL of his pitches as he just tries to get ANYTHING to be a strike. The way he’s pitching right now, especially off his 84 mph fastball, I think even I could go 3-4 with a couple doubles off him.

Could it be that Zito misses the fun days of the crazy A’s? Back when he, Mark Mulder and Tim Hudson all lived together, everything seemed to be easy for these three stud pitchers. It seemed like they might become the new version of the Braves, with their pitchers trading off Cy Young seasons back and forth. Zito who had been maybe the most initially advanced though got passed by his teammates. Also, unfortunately, of course it bares mentioning that the offensive catalyst of that team Jason Giambi is a known steroids user and it is likely that other players on the team used them as well. Maybe Zito should call his uncle, actor Patrick Duffy for how he handled the transition from a show like Dallas to Step by Step. Or maybe Zito is out too much with the Hollywood starlets, most recently Hillary Duff. It is possible that he no longer is bringing his stuffed animal collection on the road or maybe he just needs to change his incense, maybe some Nag Champa to lighten up the room?

Continue reading ‘Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?’

26
Apr
08

Orestes Destrade: MILF Hunter

It seems that the only thing hotter than Jayson Werth’s bat, is his mom. On Thursday’s Baseball Tonight, while showing clips of the Phillies game, Orestes Destrade got completely distracted and overwhelmed. It seems that Jayson Werth’s recent power outburst (now up to 5 HRs on the season) was a little too much for Orestes to handle. That, or maybe the fact that Werth’s mommy is hot.

Check out how Destrade can’t get off how attractive Werth’s mom is, Steve Berthiaume tries to move on but Destrade will have none of that. Something about Werth’s mummy excites something in Orestes’ testes.

werthmom

Now, to be fair, Werth’s mom is pretty hot, especially for a woman with a 28 year old son. According to Werth’s wikipedia page his mom, Kim, was quite the athlete in her day, participating in the Olympic trials for the 100 meter and the long jump. Also, her father and uncle were both Major Leaguers, Werth’s birth father was a minor leaguer and her current husband, Dennis Werth, played 3 years of big league ball, so she’s a baseball gal through and through.

To be honest, my initial thought was that was his girlfriend or wife, not his approximately 50 year old mom, but, hey, I’m flexible.

My favorite part of Destrade’s comments were when he says that he hopes Werth keeps hitting home runs so that they have more cutaway shots to his mom. Classy! Hey Ms. Werth, call him! I smell a love connection. After all, Destrade does seem to fit in with your love of fringey MLB players…

25
Apr
08

No Longer the King

Corpulent Ray King was demoted yesterday by the Mets-Killing Washington Nationals to the Nats’ Columbus AAA affiliate. King, an 11 year vet has taken umbrage at this dishonor and has told the team he’d like for them to trade him to another team that will give him a major league job or he might retire.

Considering how much he blows these days (and really he hasn’t ever been good except 2004 with the Cardinals) I think the choice is pretty obvious.

I wonder what he’ll do in retirement…

24
Apr
08

An Idea to Make Baseball Better

Nationals Marlins Baseball

You’ve seen it at every Marlins home game. Same with the Pazuzu Rays or most Dodgers games. Nationals games definitely have the same issue; empty seats all over the stadium. There is nothing more pathetic than watching a game and seeing whole sections with no one in them, and no section is worse with constantly empty seats than the area behind home plate. Now, bad teams–although the Rays are on the upswing and the Dodgers should be good but their fans are generally some of the lamest possible–are always going to have trouble selling seats, I get that, but it would seem to me that there would be some inherent advantages in making it seem like more people are at the game.

There is probably no single shot used in a baseball game more than that of the center field camera focusing in on the plate, it’s probably used 200+ times per game. Wouldn’t there be some inherent value for the teams to at least pad their broadcast a little by making it SEEM like there are more people actually at the game?

I understand that for baseball teams the money generated by the seats behind home plate and around the dugouts can be enormous, but here’s something I don’t understand. If there is no one in those seats by the end of the first couple of innings why not have staff move around the stadium and offer those seats to the other fans that are spread out across the stadium. The premium seats are either sold and no one showed up or remain unsold and would be otherwise empty, so why not fill them up? Sure, some fans will be more than happy to stay in the upper decks or whateves, but most will jump at the opportunity to get closer to the action. For many fans, it would probably be the closest they’ve ever sat to the game and would be a forever memorable occasion.

What good does it do to keep those seats empty the entire game? The team wouldn’t be losing money because those seats are going to remain unsold or unused regardless and the fans that would be offered the seats would have already paid for their initial tickets. Furthermore, the amount of positive PR this would acquire could only serve to help the team that did this. If I knew that every time I went to a game that there was a chance I could be upgraded for free to a premium seat why wouldn’t I try and go as much as possible and take advantage of such an opportunity?

Now some of these seats include drink and food service, I could see that this might cause a financial loss for the team, so, solution, make server service unavailable for those who are upgraded and didn’t actually pay for the premium amenities. The game alone from that close would be special enough and I can’t imagine fans wouldn’t be cooperative or understanding.

Not only will some goodwill be earned with the fans who are supportive enough to keep coming to otherwise empty stadiums but it will spread out exponentially. As fans tune into the games or see recaps they will see that shot of home plate again and again, if they see lots of people in the seats the assumption would be that the team is more popular and might entice those important casual fans to make a few more trips to the stadium. Again, if those same fans knew there was a decent chance they would get a chance to sit in such incredible seats they would be even more likely to return several times.

In addition, the national media, ESPN, et al would eat this story up. Big rich company gives back to the little guy? Sounds to me like some really great PR for whatever team decides to employ such a strategy (or employs the brilliant guy who thought up said strategy…)

Continue reading ‘An Idea to Make Baseball Better’

23
Apr
08

It’s Gross When You’re Unappreciated

On Tuesday the Milwaukee Breweres bullpen (cough, Eric Gagne, choke, cough cough) allowed 5 runs in 2 innings to force the game into extra innings. Gabe Gross hit a double in the bottom of the 12th that got him into position to be scored by Gabe Kaplers single, winning the game. Going 2-4 with 2 doubles, 3 runs scored and a stolen base he had quite a fine stat line for the day. Not enough though in Doug Melvin’s, the Brewers’ GM, eyes. Immediately following the game Gross was dealt to the Tampa Bay Shaitan Rays for a minor league pitcher. Nice way to say thanks! What’s worse, is that this is not the first time this has happened to Gabe, he has a long history of things going well and then quickly not.

  • In third grade, Gabe brought in cupcakes for his entire class. During the recess kickball game he started suffering cramps from eating too many and threw up all over Mindy Glotzberg, his crush was never realized.
  • Junior year of high school Gross received his first awkward, teethy BJ and was feeling especially good. When getting a physical later that afternoon, the nurse informed him he had crabs.
  • While playing in Single-A, Gross and some teammates went to a Hooter’s for some wings. He asked out one of the waitresses, who accepted. While walking out the door with her of the restaurant she was struck by a truck and dragged for 13.4 miles.
  • On spring break in Cancun, Gross gets picked to be on an MTV show about wild spring breakers. He ends up on the Real World: Miami instead.
  • A few months ago, during McDonald’s Monopoly game, Gross found all three green pieces, Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Pacific, winning a free car! As he pulled off the lot he ran into a tractor trailer carrying frozen Burger King patties, totaling his new ride.
  • Two weeks ago Gabe was specially selected online to get a FREE IPHONE, he followed the links for 2 1/2 hours until his computer was infected with 13 different viruses and then spontaneously started sputtering and smoking. No Iphone was ever delivered to him.
22
Apr
08

Maybe Not One for Milton Bradley’s Hall of Fame Audition

I understand that Milton Bradley is a significantly better athlete than I am, he is capable of agility and grace, and that he has accomplished many things at the major league level. However, Monday was not one of those outings.

Embarassing! I wonder what his competitors would say sarcastically to him after such a misplay…

I can just watch that over and over and over, it’s hilarious to me. And I do agree with Buck Showalter, it does indeed look bad. He just crumples in abject horror, justifiably so, scorched cow skin raining randomly from the sky, that’s something most people would want nothing to do with. (On a tangential note, I’m glad to see Buck Showalter back on Baseball Tonight, he gives much better analysis than any other manager they’ve had on recently and was missed.)

That was not all for the bizarre outfield plays this Monday, secret pen-pals Corey Hart and Ryan Ludwick combined together to make two of the stranger plays of the evening. First, there was Corey Hart going for an easy liner off the white-hot bat of Ludwick,

now, to be fair, Corey did just miss a great catch and then banged into the wall pretty hard earlier in the game, so while he should have caught this ball, I’m not going to hold it totally against him for being uneasy about the wall again.

But wait, there’s more! Ryan Ludwick felt bad, he didn’t want to have Hart go home feeling bad about himself, he just knew it would be reflected in an angry IM message later, so he figured he’d do a little something to put the hop back into Corey’s step. With Corey at bat Ludwick charged in on a dropping liner and–

Indeed that is nasty. Strange day out here at Windswept fields

ed. to add:

Great, so MLB took down the videos. Sweet, thanks MLB. I can see why you’d want to take down any ways for the fans to possibly enjoy the game outside of MLB.com. After all, why utilize the millions of users on Youtube, I mean, they don’t matter at all right. Sigh. I’ll try and see about getting them back up. Blame MLB.

I apologize for the shitty screengrabs but they’re the best I can do… it kinda works…

21
Apr
08

In No Longer Appropriate Giveaway News

Frank Thomas was given his outright release by the Toronto Blue Jays on Sunday in a somewhat surprising move given that he is a known slow starter and seemed to at least still have something, albeit not his former MVP glory, in the tank. The decision was made more with an eye on the bottom line than anything else; Thomas had a $10 million option that would have been automatically triggered with 300 plate appearances, a very reachable target if he were the starting DH. Now, the Blue Jays are able to play professional hitter Matt Stairs instead and soon, hot prospect Adam Lind. For the future of the franchise, this makes perfect sense, but it is certainly a jones for Thomas who is now out of work. Teams like the Twins and the Mariners should seriously consider signing him as a DH, in fact, he might even be worth it if he were signed cheaply.

It seems though, that Thomas is still in the Blue Jays minds. On May 25th, one day after giving out Aaron Hill bobbleheads, the Jays are planning to giveaway 10,000 Frank Thomas bobbleheads to the fans. Oops…

No word as yet if they are Frank in the powder blues, I can only wish it so. I hope that they have been made already and are sitting in some Toronto warehouse right now. I would be truly saddened if these never got the chance to be in the public’s hands. I for one, cannot wait to find one on ebay!

Now that would be a fun game to go to. Would he show up? Would they still mention anything about it? Will they change the event?

Also, on a semi-related note, why is there all this talk about Thomas getting resigned but at the same time Mike Piazza remains completely out of work. Is Thomas at this stage significantly better than Piazza? One of my friends insists it is backlash against the Piazza being gay rumors and that teams are scared of him. Regardless, I have to think a team like the A’s, the Mariners or the Twins could all certainly use a player like Thomas or Piazza to upgrade their offenses.

ed. to add:

Oh no! The Blue Jays are too smart for me! They have taken down their planned Frank Thomas bobblehead giveaway, and now are announcing it as a “Blue Jays Giveaway.” Double burn for Thomas I suppose, first he’s released and then they destroy all evidence of their ever celebrating him. If I were him I might have someone try all my food, maybe Ricciardi will remove all evidence of Frank Thomas ever existing…!

20
Apr
08

Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!

April 20th is always a wonderful day of the year, the sky is blue, the trees seem extra green and leafy and in the sports world there are games in nearly all the major sports. With the baseball season getting under way and playoff series in basketball and hockey the TV set can truly turn into quite the hotbox as you switch from channel to channel.

For example, for the Chicago White Sox, finally ending a personal 11 game loss streak, John Danks tossed out a three-hit, eight strikeout 7 inning gem. Danks threw quite the heady game, taking control of his slide piece and then overpowering the Iblisian Rays by blowing smoke past them.

In the basketball arena, the Los Angeles Lakers overpowered the eighth seeded Denver Nuggets to the tune of 128-114. This afternoon the Nugs looked sluggish, blurry eyed and and the Lakers seemed hungry for something to munch on. The Lakers bonged the Nuggets’ collective bells, hitting the glass pieces as hard as possible and out-rebounded them en route to their victory. One can only imagine Phil Jackson went home after the game and lit up a giant hand-rolled leaf and enjoyed the moment, as one does.

Continue reading ‘Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!’

19
Apr
08

Shawn Hill’s Turn to Shine

Anticipation has built for quite some time, but now, the day of reckoning comes. Favored reader April’s relative, Shawn Hill will make his season debut against the vaunted Marlins team. The reeling Nationals, losers of their last 8 of 10 games, desperately need a shot in the arm. Hopefully Hill will deliver.

My suggestion is that he avoid having any balls go towards left field and Wily Mo ” Stone Hands” Pena.

Good luck Shawn!

18
Apr
08

Bronson Arroyo Wants You to Taste His Meat

My good friend Jon Eick of SoGoodBlog.com thinks these might be the greatest commercials ever. I won’t go that far, but they are certainly ridiculous.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bronson Arroyo as a musician, take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with his canon, you won’t regret it. Unless of course, you’re someone who as a rule only enjoys good music. Then you might not like it. Then again, you could also be a narc. Are you a narc? You have to tell me, you know that right?

Anyways.

So these local ads have been airing in the Cincinnati area and feature Bronson wailing on his 6 string about the joys of beef.

Look at how hard he is rocking out there! He’s got the head bob, the jiggling guitar and the flowing locks, it’s truly a wonder to behold. It’s like if Creed and Nickelback formed together to create one giant awesome band of suckitude.

I will admit, it is kinda catchy though…

I especially love the guy sitting on the bench, the fake teardrop, and then, the sheer joy and happiness he feels knowing that he is together again with JTM. Look at that smile on his face.

jtm1I don’t know that I have felt, or ever will feel such absolute joy as he has in that moment. I’m jealous. He’s sitting there, saddened by the absence of the Reds but then, BOOM, Bronson reminds him that there is goodness in the world. If that’s not a message of hope than I don’t know what is.

Bronson has a simple dream, to share his meat with all the world. Why won’t we let him? Bronson’s meat is the best. It is delicious, tender, the perfect size and fits wonderfully between buns. Bronson’s meat is sure to satisfy.

The ladies agree, Bronson’s meat is the best!

Really, someone should contact Barack Obama’s campaign, I think we found the message they’ve been looking for in these last weeks of primary season. This truly is the message of hope. YES WE CAN! TOGETHER AGAIN!

And of course a h/t to Sogoodblog.com!

18
Apr
08

Well, My Goodness That’s Long

I went to Shea “I’m a dump and please just close me now so the dopeness of CitiField can be enjoyed” Stadium last night for my first game there this season. It seemed like a perfect night, $5 tickets, the chance to see the apparently hapless Mets and the certainly woeful Washington Nationals, what more could I want? Well, the Nationals held the Mets down completely and handily–turns out having Brady Clark, Raul Casanova, Luis Castillo and then the pitcher is not a good lineup. Who would have thought it? Clearly not Willy Randolph who handled this game super poorly from the get-go. Anyhoo, managing only one run for most of the game and getting struck out 11 times by John “Can you imagine that the Mets are this pathetic right now” Lannan, it seemed very likely the Mets would lose. The single most exciting part of the game came when a giant tabby cat ran out of nowhere onto the field and towards the Mets dugout. It received a louder cheer than most of the players.

Completely surprising most of the crowd who were already resigned to a loss, Carlos Delgado came through in the clutch and drove in the tying run. The game ended up going 14 boring innings. Scrub pitcher after scrub pitcher got into the game, there was even a Ray “I ate 19 slices of pie before the game” King sighting! Not a very interesting game. The Mets had multiple opportunities to win the game but squandered them. Raul Casanova alone ruined most of the rally chances, and when he didn’t totally shut the door, Luis Castillo did. That 4 year 24 million dollar contract must have weighed down Castillo’s bat because it is pitiable slow, that’s what we call a shrewd investment, don’t worry, he’s only in the first year of that contract!

Regardless, the Mets eventually won in the 14th on a wild pitch. Terrible.

That didn’t end my baseball night though. Upon arriving home I noticed that the Padres-Rockies game was still tied at 0-0 heading towards extra innings. I caught up on this week’s Deadliest Catch (it was ok, but not the best episode or anything) and then looked at that game again, they were heading into the 13th. So, I figured I’d jump along for the ride.

Matt Vasgerian was calling the game for the Padres TV and announced that there was no way the game would go as many innings as 18, and if it did, he’d eat his hat. The 14th comes around and the Rockies managed to get the bases loaded, which is impressive considering they managed 2 extra base hits, then Brad Hawpe (who otherwise went 0-7 with 4 Ks (thanks for killing my fantasy team with that one) walked to score the first run of the game. In the 14th! But then, with their own bases loaded situation, the Padres scrapped together a run. So we headed to the 15, the 16th and then the 17th. As the 18th approached the announcers were clearly going a bit loopy having long ago run out of useful or interesting things to say. After the inning finished, Vasergian was presented a hat on a paper plate to eat and as they went to commercial they showed him trying to cut it with a fork and a knife while his booth partner laughed manically alongside. Also, for some inexplicable reason, they played the Oingo Boingo song “Weird Science,” tres tres bizarre.

Continue reading ‘Well, My Goodness That’s Long’




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