Archive for October, 2008


Philly Wins! Philly Burns!

[Jim MacMillan]

[Fan IQ]


The Perfect Gift for Morons

Immediately after the Phillies won the World Series up comes the commercials for crap from MLB and Sports Illustrated that Phillies fans MUST own. Sure, you might be a fan if you buy a championship t-shirt or hat, but that’s not the way to show you’re a TRUE phan; that would be by bidding on this auction on eBay for lucky rain drops. These rain drops fell only MILES away from the stadium and were collected in a metal bowl for sale, they are the “tears of the Gods & Fans Rain down upon a city so hungry for victory that the Tension is palpable.”

Currently available for the low low price of $8.99, it’s a BARGAIN and you’d be a fool not to own this piece of history. As the seller notes:

You are bidding on rain from the same storm system that brought the game to a screeching halt. It was collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park. It will be contained in a small vial and then sent to you via priority mail. I do not know what size vial or exactly how much you will get but it will be no less than 2 ml. I took a picture of the rain that I had collected in a pan that was sitting on my front steps. That is the only collection unit that I used so a very limited number of vials will be available & once they are gone, they are gone. Some will laugh but others will covet this tangible piece of history in the making…

With a description like that I don’t know how you could possibly pass it up. So if you’re one of the coveters you better bid soon, you don’t want to miss out this limited opportunity to own history. The seller hasn’t figured out a way to authenticate this rain water as THE Phillies World Series winning rain water, but don’t worry, it’s all real. If you don’t bid now you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.


Football Finally Comes to Israel

Because the Israeli baseball league did so well, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has invested money into the Israeli Football League, which will be renamed the Kraft Family IFL, sounds catchy. The teams will play many of their games at Kraft Stadium, a football stadium Kraft had built several years ago to help promote the sport. So far, the game hasn’t taken off too well. I guess it’s hard to get excited about someone throwing a deep bomb when there are actual bombs going off…I wonder if they call a Hail Mary pass a shema pass instead…and how in the world do players celebrate touchdowns if Jesus wasn’t there to get them into the endzone?

Man, I’m on FIRE! Anyways…

“I get a special feeling in my heart every time I hear Hatikva (Israel’s national anthem) sung on a football field, and hope to help this sport grow in this country,” Kraft said during a visit last year to Israel where he took in an IFL game.

A statement released by league commissioner Ben Friedman had this to say:

The Kraft family involvement will ensure a banner year for both the IFL and American Football in Israel at-large, and we’re excited to kick off our upcoming season with such a significant milestone,” IFL Commissioner Ben Friedman said in a statement Tuesday.


Look, It’s Where A-Rod Poops!

In case you’ve ever wondered what a $27.5 million dollar salary buys in terms of apartments in New York City, here are some photos of Alex Rodriguez’ pad. Looks classy. Except for that horse painting, that seems uber-lame and cliche. Keep in mind this house is basically the same as my spot in Brooklyn… sigh.



LeBron James is a Freak of Nature

You cannot contain him. Here he is throwing up a posterizing move in the first game of the season. Look out league.


Beckham Knows What He Likes

We know that David Beckham loves himself some cheerleaders, after all, who could forget this hilarious photo of him staring at cheerleaders’ butts until his wife gets mad? Or this one of him staring at some ass with his son sitting next to him? Prior to being sent back to European soccer and his off-season transfer to AC Milan, Becks took in the Los Angeles Lakers’ opener last night, and made sure to take in the view. I love how concentrated he is on the booties, it’s like this is one the moment of happiness he is able to get in his life. Hold on tight Becks, never let go.

[Celeb Slam]


Brett Myers Remains a Scumbag

“I know there are people out there that think I’m a jerk. There are people out there who think I’m a wife-beater. That will never change,” says Phillies pitcher Brett Myers, referring to the 2006 incident in which he was arrested and charged in Boston with assaulting his wife, Kim. THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING WIFE-BEATER WHO BEAT HIS WIFE ON THE FUCKING STREET YOU ASSHOLE!

Myers told THE USA Today that had the Red Sox made the World Series he would have asked manager Charlie Manuel to rearrange the rotation so he wouldn’t have to start in Boston because the fans there were mean to him. For those of you who remember, Myers was arrested for HITTING HIS WIFE on the streets the day before he was supposed to start at Fenway and then pitched the next day. The fans in Boston were less than polite to him, rightly so, as he is a scumbag who is barely better than a child molester.

“But you know what, I really don’t care what people think about me. … If people don’t like me, they can deal with it. This is who I am.” No, clearly you DO care because you were too scared to pitch in Boston. Furthermore, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be trying to defend yourself. You’d just ignore the question.

Myers lowers his head. He blinks away the wetness in his eyes and speaks almost in a whisper. “I just wish people took time to know me before they make judgments,” Myers says. “That’s all I ask. They think I’m this rude guy who doesn’t appreciate what I got. If only they knew.”

No, I’m sure you appreciate very much being in a position of wealth and fame that enables you to avoid serious charges against you because of your celebrity. I’m certain you appreciate that your wife dropped the charges and defended you, even though I don’t understand how she could. However, I will not, and no one EVER should feel SORRY for you.

  1. You don’t hit your wife,
  3. Don’t be a scumbaggy douche.

“They say I dragged my wife by her hair,” Myers says. “Never happened. They say I kicked her and threw her around like a rag doll. Never happened. I never did anything to her. There was nothing on her face. I was actually trying to protect her and get her to her room. She didn’t want to go, and things got carried away. When you’re both heavily intoxicated, that stuff does stuff to you you’re not supposed to do.”

Who is they? The witnesses who saw you do these things to her on the streets of Kenmore Square? The rando people who had no idea you were a professional baseball player and had no agenda except trying to stop a man who is a foot taller, 120 plus pounds heavier from HITTING HIS WIFE. Yeah that seems likely. I’m so glad that USA Today took the time to try and give him a chance to speak. By which I mean they should be ashamed of themselves for trying to fluff over and let him make bullshit claims to try and right his image.

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October 2008