Amidst the celebration on the field last night for the Phillies win, the players’ wives and families joined them out on the field. Noted wife-abuser Brett Myers goes in for a celebratory smooch from his wife to get shot down.
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“Don’t kiss me,” she clearly says to him, probably because he smells like cigars and cheap beer, plus he’s an asshole. Eat a dick Myers.
Ryan Howard receives much criticism around these parts for his stone hands and lack of deft agility around the first base bag, and rightly so. He’s a butcher over there. But the folks over at Big League Stew via Home Run Derby came up with this clip that shows that he can catch the things that matter. Like a tossed beer can from the crowd during the Phillies parade.
Of course scumbag douchemaster Brett Myers tries to get in on the action and get a beer of his own, eventually Howard hands it over to Myers, who I’m guessing shotgunned it immediately before smashing it against his temple.
“I know there are people out there that think I’m a jerk. There are people out there who think I’m a wife-beater. That will never change,” says Phillies pitcher Brett Myers, referring to the 2006 incident in which he was arrested and charged in Boston with assaulting his wife, Kim. THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING WIFE-BEATER WHO BEAT HIS WIFE ON THE FUCKING STREET YOU ASSHOLE!
Myers told THE USA Today that had the Red Sox made the World Series he would have asked manager Charlie Manuel to rearrange the rotation so he wouldn’t have to start in Boston because the fans there were mean to him. For those of you who remember, Myers was arrested for HITTING HIS WIFE on the streets the day before he was supposed to start at Fenway and then pitched the next day. The fans in Boston were less than polite to him, rightly so, as he is a scumbag who is barely better than a child molester.
“But you know what, I really don’t care what people think about me. … If people don’t like me, they can deal with it. This is who I am.” No, clearly you DO care because you were too scared to pitch in Boston. Furthermore, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be trying to defend yourself. You’d just ignore the question.
Myers lowers his head. He blinks away the wetness in his eyes and speaks almost in a whisper. “I just wish people took time to know me before they make judgments,” Myers says. “That’s all I ask. They think I’m this rude guy who doesn’t appreciate what I got. If only they knew.”
No, I’m sure you appreciate very much being in a position of wealth and fame that enables you to avoid serious charges against you because of your celebrity. I’m certain you appreciate that your wife dropped the charges and defended you, even though I don’t understand how she could. However, I will not, and no one EVER should feel SORRY for you.
“They say I dragged my wife by her hair,” Myers says. “Never happened. They say I kicked her and threw her around like a rag doll. Never happened. I never did anything to her. There was nothing on her face. I was actually trying to protect her and get her to her room. She didn’t want to go, and things got carried away. When you’re both heavily intoxicated, that stuff does stuff to you you’re not supposed to do.”
Who is they? The witnesses who saw you do these things to her on the streets of Kenmore Square? The rando people who had no idea you were a professional baseball player and had no agenda except trying to stop a man who is a foot taller, 120 plus pounds heavier from HITTING HIS WIFE. Yeah that seems likely. I’m so glad that USA Today took the time to try and give him a chance to speak. By which I mean they should be ashamed of themselves for trying to fluff over and let him make bullshit claims to try and right his image.
Here is Phillies erstwhile ace/closer/minor leaguer Brett Myers celebrating the Phillies clinching their playoff spot as the NL East winners. Myers, a noted feminist cum wife-beater, shows how he respects and appreciates women even more by showering local reporter Jamie Apody with a beer bukkake explosion. I love Myers and the other Phillies raiding the tub of beer like they are college sophomores sneaking into a party and putting all the beer in their pockets. Scared to drink champagne boys? Are you concerned that if you don’t pound Bud Lights as you spray them all over your teammates that people might start to talk?
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
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