Archive for the 'Awesome' Category



16
Jun
08

One Way To Get Americans to Like Soccer

Europe is all abuzz about the Euro Cup Championship that is currently being played, the fans have been boisterous (and hot) and finding a myriad of ways to have fun. Case in point, the heated match yesterday between two Austrian and German teams in preparation for the national teams’ real game to be played today. The game yesterday featured a 10-5 win for the Austrian team, but the usual exchange of uniforms after the game was simply not possible. That’s because this was a match between the two nations’ women’s topless soccer teams.

With a “sizable” media presence and a mostly male audience, the ladies battled it out in their full glory. And obviously, “the match was organized by a chat room website.”

Wearing only thongs and body paint colored to their country’s flag, the women played a spirited, if not well-skilled game on the beach.

“I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that,” said German keeper Jana Bach, who, after making this statement was swarmed by 12,000 men with offers to help her learn proper ball holding technique.

“They might have to work on their technique a bit but it was definitely a rather pleasant game to watch and a very nice version of the ‘beautiful game’,” commented spectator Rolf Hansen.

h/t to Reuters for the photos
(Stick around after the jump for some NSFW more shots from the game)

Continue reading ‘One Way To Get Americans to Like Soccer’

28
May
08

Beckham Strokes Ball, Scores Big Time

So David Beckham’s US soccer career has not gone as swimmingly as he (or MLS and the LA Galaxy) had hoped, there was the ankle injury that made him miss much of last season and so far this year he has been decent but not excellent. However, for one moment in last night’s game against the KC Wizards, Beckham showed some of the deft touch that made him such a worldwide phenomenon when he lifted a ball 70 yards and over the goalkeepers head for a goal.

Awesome! It turns out that this isn’t the first time he’s done this in high-level game, he apparently did it as well when he was a fresh faced teenager for Manchester United too.

Dope.

A very grateful h/t to Unprofessional Foul

16
May
08

The Most Definitive Interview of the Decade!

There are times when the Internet is a really beautiful thing. Take for instance my posting last month about Shaun Weiss, who as a teenager played the role of “Goldberg the Goalie” in the Mighty Ducks movies. It received some pretty good page views, seemed well liked, and then, I received this comment,

Hey, it’s Shaun Weiss. This article is HYSTERICAL and makes me feel famous again. Didn’t lose weight on purpose but the ‘Duck’ money ran out and I’m just not eating as many steaks! And hey, you still recognized me in less than 30 seconds, the other day I stood in line behind Ed Norton at Gelson’s for ten minutes and had no idea till someone told me- so there. And no. not even my mother has ever written anything that long about me. Quack-
Weiss.

I love the Internet! Also, he’s totally right, my first article IS hilarious. So I emailed Shaun and asked if he’d be down for an interview via email and he agreed. Come along as I strap on my outer Barbara Walters (gross…) and Shaun reveals the truth behind the Ducks movies and the seedy underbelly of American celebrity worship.

goldberg

Slanch: If you could fight one other child sports actor who would it be?

Weiss: Thomas Ian Nicholas. That guy has always annoyed me and he used to carry around his guitar and sing Christian songs to everybody.

Watch your back Henry Rowengartner, Goldberg isn't the only one that wants to come after you...

S: Did it bother you how the Ducks were the best youth team in the world in D2, but only one player could get above the freshmen team in D3?

W: Not really, they were all older and bigger. An average squad of seniors should be able to handle some 15 year olds- no matter how good they are.

S: Do you get free tickets to Anaheim Ducks games?

W: I used to, until one particular incident that you’ll have to research yourself. Google: Goldberg, Arrowhead Pond, VIP box, hooker,cocaine…

 

We’ve all had to kill a few hookers in our day…

 

(Go after the jump for the rest of the interview that will blow your brain; Emilio Estevez, Rollerblading, backstage orgies, oh my!)
15
May
08

Manny Ramirez: Simply the Best!

Manny Ramirez is an athlete. Blessed with incredible instincts as a hitter, he can hit any pitch anywhere. His fielding is generally somewhat underrated. Sure, he sometimes makes absolutely boneheaded plays or takes crazy routes to balls occasionally, but he routinely will get a number of outfield assists because he has a strong accurate arm. Manny also has makes some great catches in the field because of his natural athleticism, which also leads to some mistakes, sure, but he can make some spectacular catches. For example, yesterday against the Orioles Manny went back made a great running catch near the wall, then climbed up half the wall to slow himself and at the top of his climb gave a high-5 to a Boston fan who was sitting there. Awesome. Then he got the ball in and doubled the man off first ending the inning. Awesome!

Check it out.

I love you Manuelito.

h/t to Boston Dirt Dogs for the kickass picture.

22
Apr
08

Putin Puts In For an Upgrade

When you’re the despotic leader of a former superpower who has been forced by silly constitutional rules into an ostensibly ceremonial Prime Minister position so you can maintain an iron-grip on your country, sometimes you need something different in your life. Also, French President Nicholas Sarkozy has been traipsing around Europe showing off his new supermodel wife getting all the publicity and attention and it simply isn’t fair! Finally, seeing as how, besides Richard Branson, Vladimir Putin is the closest thing we have in the world to a legitimate Bond villain, it only makes sense that he took umbrage to these offenses and finally upgraded his accessories to fit his lifestyle.

Since 1983 Putin was married to a woman named Lyudmila–it just rolls off the tongue so lyrically doesn’t it–whom he met after she graduated college and who is quite the handsome woman. In fact, she kinda looks like what the offspring of Hillary Clinton and Liza Minnelli would be, spooky.

It seems, though, that he’s decided to trade in for a newer model; maybe not the classiest thing to do, but that’s the course he’s taken. Clearly peeved that Sarkozy was getting so much worldwide attention, Putin started to feel marginalized, like his giant stocks of nuclear weapons were meaningless solely because some French philanderer banged a supermodel. Russian pride was on the line! Like any good Bond villain, he needs appropriate arm-candy to be respected at the secret evil-doers meetings that are held, someone who will steal the eyes of men around him as he plays baccarat in Monaco so he can pour poison into someone’s glass. You know, the standard affairs of state.

Attempting to one-up Sarkozy’s catch, Putin has started seeing Alina Kabaeva, a 24 year old gold medal winning gymnast, known particularly for her extreme flexibility, turned representative in the Russian Duma for Youth Rights.

Hot.

For Putin, who has daughters aged 22 and 21, this might be just a little awkward, but he’s a man of action so it shouldn’t dissuade him much; Putin is not one to shy away from the young, after all he’s always been a lover of children. I’m sure it was a hard choice, after all, Lyudmila had been a seemingly loyal partner for decades, but Kabaeva can easily flip her legs over her head. This is why Putin is so loved in Russia, his decision-making ability. I feel confident that the majority of Russia would have made the same move. Putin is a man who knows what to think with, anytime you can get a girl who can contort her body like that, you jump at that opportunity.

The biggest regret about this whole situation is that these one-upmanship world leaders battles of dating and marrying the super-hot women began after Bill Clinton was out of office! If there is any leader who would have loved to have gotten into this steamy style of affair it is ol’ Bill, but now, it’s too late and he won’t ever have the chance. I consider it a travesty. Bill could have dated Britney Spears, back when she was hot, think of the prestige that would have given our country and government! Alas, we were left with this instead…

Anyway, Alina Kabaeva is a smokeshow and I salute Putin for putting his interests out there and taking what he wanted. I don’t remember ever seeing Stalin with any hot broads so this is one more thing that Putin has over ol’ Unky Joe.

(Stick around after the jump for a pantsload of more hot Anna Kabaeva pictures)

Continue reading ‘Putin Puts In For an Upgrade’

20
Apr
08

Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!

April 20th is always a wonderful day of the year, the sky is blue, the trees seem extra green and leafy and in the sports world there are games in nearly all the major sports. With the baseball season getting under way and playoff series in basketball and hockey the TV set can truly turn into quite the hotbox as you switch from channel to channel.

For example, for the Chicago White Sox, finally ending a personal 11 game loss streak, John Danks tossed out a three-hit, eight strikeout 7 inning gem. Danks threw quite the heady game, taking control of his slide piece and then overpowering the Iblisian Rays by blowing smoke past them.

In the basketball arena, the Los Angeles Lakers overpowered the eighth seeded Denver Nuggets to the tune of 128-114. This afternoon the Nugs looked sluggish, blurry eyed and and the Lakers seemed hungry for something to munch on. The Lakers bonged the Nuggets’ collective bells, hitting the glass pieces as hard as possible and out-rebounded them en route to their victory. One can only imagine Phil Jackson went home after the game and lit up a giant hand-rolled leaf and enjoyed the moment, as one does.

Continue reading ‘Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!’

18
Apr
08

Well, My Goodness That’s Long

I went to Shea “I’m a dump and please just close me now so the dopeness of CitiField can be enjoyed” Stadium last night for my first game there this season. It seemed like a perfect night, $5 tickets, the chance to see the apparently hapless Mets and the certainly woeful Washington Nationals, what more could I want? Well, the Nationals held the Mets down completely and handily–turns out having Brady Clark, Raul Casanova, Luis Castillo and then the pitcher is not a good lineup. Who would have thought it? Clearly not Willy Randolph who handled this game super poorly from the get-go. Anyhoo, managing only one run for most of the game and getting struck out 11 times by John “Can you imagine that the Mets are this pathetic right now” Lannan, it seemed very likely the Mets would lose. The single most exciting part of the game came when a giant tabby cat ran out of nowhere onto the field and towards the Mets dugout. It received a louder cheer than most of the players.

Completely surprising most of the crowd who were already resigned to a loss, Carlos Delgado came through in the clutch and drove in the tying run. The game ended up going 14 boring innings. Scrub pitcher after scrub pitcher got into the game, there was even a Ray “I ate 19 slices of pie before the game” King sighting! Not a very interesting game. The Mets had multiple opportunities to win the game but squandered them. Raul Casanova alone ruined most of the rally chances, and when he didn’t totally shut the door, Luis Castillo did. That 4 year 24 million dollar contract must have weighed down Castillo’s bat because it is pitiable slow, that’s what we call a shrewd investment, don’t worry, he’s only in the first year of that contract!

Regardless, the Mets eventually won in the 14th on a wild pitch. Terrible.

That didn’t end my baseball night though. Upon arriving home I noticed that the Padres-Rockies game was still tied at 0-0 heading towards extra innings. I caught up on this week’s Deadliest Catch (it was ok, but not the best episode or anything) and then looked at that game again, they were heading into the 13th. So, I figured I’d jump along for the ride.

Matt Vasgerian was calling the game for the Padres TV and announced that there was no way the game would go as many innings as 18, and if it did, he’d eat his hat. The 14th comes around and the Rockies managed to get the bases loaded, which is impressive considering they managed 2 extra base hits, then Brad Hawpe (who otherwise went 0-7 with 4 Ks (thanks for killing my fantasy team with that one) walked to score the first run of the game. In the 14th! But then, with their own bases loaded situation, the Padres scrapped together a run. So we headed to the 15, the 16th and then the 17th. As the 18th approached the announcers were clearly going a bit loopy having long ago run out of useful or interesting things to say. After the inning finished, Vasergian was presented a hat on a paper plate to eat and as they went to commercial they showed him trying to cut it with a fork and a knife while his booth partner laughed manically alongside. Also, for some inexplicable reason, they played the Oingo Boingo song “Weird Science,” tres tres bizarre.

Continue reading ‘Well, My Goodness That’s Long’

08
Apr
08

For One Day It Was the Big Leagues

My friends over at Improv Everywhere just released their latest prank, turning an otherwise ordinary Little League game in Hermosa Beach, California into the biggest game of the year. With printed programs, shirtless painted fans and a jumbotron showing replays and commentary by Jim Gray this prank was totally thought out and well planned. They pulled out all the stops for this one including mascots and even the Goodyear blimp. For these kids who were playing the game it had to be simply the coolest moment of their entire lives. I’m jealous. Check out the full prank with videos and such here.

I’m normally only shirtless at a Little League game when I have been drinking since early in the morning, so these guys MUST be big fans.

Go Mudcats!

03
Apr
08

Theo Epstein and The Red Sox Present: The Birds!

There you are, just another normal day, getting a tour of Fenway Park with one’s middle school and then BAM! Hawk attack! It could happen to you. Or rather, it did happen, to this girl.

Apparently during the winter months hawks often make their homes up in the rafters of Fenway eating tasty mice and rats until the season starts and the massive crowds force them to find new digs. Then this middle school girl from Bristol, Connecticut had the gall to stand there idly minding her own business about 40 feet away from the hawk’s egg that it was protecting. Taking umbrage it seems, the hawk attacked, talons out. Fortunately the girl was taken to a hospital and wasn’t harmed at all. Still, that makes for quite the return bus ride to Connecticut. When appraised of what had happened, Hank Steinbrenner refused to be outdone and announced that from now on pumas will be given free rein of Yankee Stadium. “We want to be at the forefront of providing our fans with an experience they will never forget. Puma’s are majestic, beautiful creatures and we look forward to a long, fruitful partnership with them.” Steinbrenner announced in a statement beamed directly to my brain, “Our fans are so special to us, and to give them the opportunity to be that close up to such a deadly animal is a memory that they will all treasure as we play this final season at the Stadium.”

03
Apr
08

This is Just Too Cool

Baseball stadiums made out of Legos? Uh, yes please, sign me up. Check this out immediately.

Homer Derby, this rocks!

lego-camden-yards
02
Apr
08

But All That Precious Cat Gut!

Mikhail Youzhny is a young Russian man who is ranked 11th in the ATP Men’s tennis rankings–ha, as if you didn’t already know! I know all my readers are rabid tennis-maniacs–who was playing in a match down in Miami the other day when he lost a point and took it quite personally. He ends up hurting himself so badly he is forced to take a timeout so he can be treated by a trainer to staunch the blood! 39 seconds into this video you’ll see what I mean.

See, this is why I’ve always said, “Never play tennis, backgammon or roulette with a Russian, or else someone’s head will bleed.” It’s my only credo.

01
Apr
08

Fenway Franks, Now Without Pig Intestine!

At long last, Fenway is undergoing the necessary changes to become a modern baseball stadium. Originally built in 1912, there are some extremely outdated things about the stadium that need to be upgraded. Of course, I’m referring to the fact that for the first time, Fenway, which reportedly sells the most hot dogs of any baseball stadium is adding a new item to the menu; Kosher hot dogs, available from a vending machine.
Yum!

The front of the vending machine, Kosher dogs available 24/6!

The vending machine was recently demonstrated for Aramark and Fenway execs, who wore Red Sox yarmulkes for the taste-test. “We were very impressed,” Haggerty said. “It was a very interesting and unique machine and . . . the hot dogs were very tasty.”

Wayne Feder, the creator of the machine reportedly “first eyed Kosher Vending Industries because his children’s Jewish day school, the Maimonides School in Brookline, lacked a hot lunch program.” [emphasis added]

I think it is safe to say that very few schools across the country offer the hot lunch program. Although, I definitely can think of at least one…




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