Posts Tagged ‘Miami Dolphins


Someone Get Joey Porter a Stylist

For Joey Porter it’s a good thing that the Dolphins beat the Patriots yesterday because otherwise he would have looked like an even bigger douche. The first contest between these two teams featured plenty of jawing from Porter before the game, and then little from him DURING it. In fact he finished the day with no tackles, no sacks and nothing on the stat sheet, something the stadium scoreboard operators thought important enough to point out.

Where in the first game he was totally invisible, yesterday he actually contributed, sort of, finishing with 3 tackles and assisting on another one. After yesterday’s surprise win over the Patriots, Porter held court in the locker room with reporters and this time he was highly visible, if incredibly poorly dressed.

Hey Joey, guess what, you’re a well-paid professional football player, NOT a soldier. You want to be a soldier? Great, go sign up like Pat Tillman did. Otherwise, buy some normal clothes that help you not look like quite as much of an enormous douchenozzle. Also, last I checked, there’s not a whole lot of forests in the Miami area, so, what exactly are you trying to camouflage yourself from, I mean, I can still see you for the tool you are.

[Boston Globe]


Scalper Stabs Potential Customer

Hamin Basim AnsarScalping tickets is an’t an easy job, you need to be a quick negotiator, know how to size up your mark and be willing to take the best deal, even if it isn’t the highest price. Hamin Basim Ansar doesn’t follow that plan. Instead, while trying to scalp some tickets to John Langsett outside Landshark Stadium prior to the Jets/Dolphins game right at the same time as kickoff Ansar refused to budge on his price.
He wanted $150 per ticket while Langsett had only $100. It being kickoff already, Langsett figured it wouldn’t be a problem. So wanting his price Ansar did the only reasonable thing, he took out his pocket knife and stabbed the 24-year-old Langsett in the chest and the back of the head. The surrounding crowd saw what happened and detained Ansar until police could arrive on scene.
Langsett was airlifted to to the hospital where he was briefly treated and then released.
[Last Angry Fan]


The NFL is Back and Spectacular!

With a full slate of games on yesterday, the opportunity for some incredible football plays was out there. Miami’s Greg Camarillo and Denver’s Brandon Stokely provided the two best of the day. First there’s Camarillo’s circus catch where he isn’t able to initially corral the ball but stays concentrated and never lets it hit the ground.

Then, Brandon Stokely somehow, someway is in the perfect position to scoop up a tipped pass and take it to the house, scoring the game-winning touchdown for his Broncos. Even better, you get Gus Johnson on the call which means the excitement level automatically gets jacked up about 15 times.


Three Cheers for the Cheerleaders

Football training camps are in full swing and you know what that means, no not football games starting soon, something WAY more important; the teams’ cheerleaders are putting out their newest calendars! Thank GOD! My parents went on vacation a few years ago and brought me back a signed copy of the St. Louis Rams cheerleaders calendar and it remains a precious memento. Every year these various teams of talented ladies put out helpful calendars that let you know EXACTLY what month it is in just a glance.

So, it was with much ado and pomp that the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders, with some help from rapper T-Pain, released their latest calendar venture. God bless America!


[Bitten and Bound]


Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

Generally the only time you ever hear anything about an offensive lineman is when they get a penalty or give up a sack, but today we are here to praise one. Damion McIntosh is the left tackle on the Kansas City Chiefs and while their season has been consistently inconsistent, he gave the Chiefs fans one reason to cheer during their game against the Dolphins. Watch him as he goes into the secondary and just DEMOLISHES the DBs with two devastating blocks. It’s gotta be pretty awesome to be that big and be able to throw people around like that. I mean, I could do that, I just you know, um, don’t…


Ricky Williams Wants to Get High

Hmm, this would be a lot better if I was holding a joint...

This would be a lot more interesting if I was holding a joint...

Dolphins running back and weed afficianado Ricky Williams, who has tested positive for weed 4 times in the NFL’s substance program, as well as taking an entire season off so he could go smoke on the beaches of Asia told reporters that over the bye week he was tempted to blaze it down. Surprise!

Blaming the extra free time off, Williams said, ” [The temptation is] greater because, like, Thursday, coach told us we had Friday off, so automatically your mind, which is so constrained since training camp began — every day is a grind, it’s a grind, it’s a grind — and then Coach says `you’re free.’ And the mind says, `I’m free, what can I do?'” Clearly you roll up a joint made out of the New York Times and spark that shit!

But no, the once awesomely dreadlocked Williams conquered his temptation and resisted, by MEDITATING. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. “‘I’ve done a lot of work at understanding myself a little bit more,” Williams said. “So I recognize [the urge] was just a result of the feeling of being free, and I was just trying to maximize it. And I realize that I really enjoy meditating and when I can go home and sit in my room and meditate, I can get the same feeling.” Wait, is that true? Get high and not pay or smoke? Hmmm… maybe Ricky is onto something… Continue reading ‘Ricky Williams Wants to Get High’

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March 2023