With the games starting tomorrow the onslaught of human interest stories has already begun, take for instance this story about Tom Daley, the 14 year old(!), British diving prodigy who can’t dive until he sees his stuffed animal monkey sitting on top of his bag. But that’s not totally ridiculous, after all, he is only 14 years old and being in the Olympics is pretty heady stuff. That is not the case with Cassie Patten, 20, a member of the swimming team who can’t leave home without first arranging her stuffed bear and stuffed clown on her bed. Who stuffs a clown? Who stuffs a clown and leaves them on their bed? Doesn’t that sound like a person who might be dangerously unhinged mentally?
Archive for August, 2008
07
Aug
08
Those Brits be Crazy
06
Aug
08
Tom Brady Has Flaws!
Yesterday’s afternoon practice for the Patriots was missing a key component of the franchise’s past and future success, one Thomas Edward Brady. It seems Brady left early so he and my future girlfriend Gisele could head over to Garden to take in a Coldplay concert. Brady is a big fan of the band, he has an Itunes playlist for example that starts off with Coldplay’s “Speed of Sound” and the feeling is mutual as, for their final song of the evening they dedicated their song to him. “I don’t want to do this really because it’s cheesy . . . but we’re great fans of his and he’s probably left the building anyway,” said Chris Martin, “We’d like to dedicate this to Tom Brady – your quarterback. We’re big fans of his and very honored he came to the show, and I hope to goodness it was worth it.” Martin then went on to mess up the lyrics to his own song, so that’s something.
Now, I love Tom Brady, he’s a football god and as a person he seems pretty down to earth and awesome as well, but c’mon, Coldplay!?! Couldn’t you like a group just slightly cooler? Or is this just me, and everyone else in the world thinks Coldplay is awesome? However, if Tom has any non-ironic Gloria Estefan songs on his Ipod it might be all over between us. I just always thought of Brady as a man’s man but when he says things like how he can be caught “patiently waiting for every album. Each has been better than the last,” I find myself wanting to find a new QB, I’m gonna cut him some slack for now and assume that he just went because Gisele wanted to. But you’re on thin ice Tom!
You think Pokemon Silver is better? Oh it's on old man!
Think you can do better? Bring it on and caption this photo.
05
Aug
08
Rice in the Water is Oh So Nice
When the Olympics start in a few days there are a few events and sports that I am more excited for than others, for example, beach volleyball will I’m sure receive high Nielson ratings in the Slanchelor Pad. One of my favorite athletes at the games, Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, has been making some headlines recently because she broke up with her fellow Aussie swim team member boyfriend before the games so that they could both concentrate on their events, and for posing in FHM on the eve of the games, Both sound like great reasons to be in the news to me!
I’d post the FHM photos, but frankly, they’re fairly tame, and to me, this ad campaign she did with her then-boyfriend for an underwear company are significantly more interesting. So, now that she’s single, I just need you friendly readers to come up with enough cash to buy me a ticket to Beijing and she and I can get started on our life together. So dig deep gang.
Being a pro football player is cool and all, but Chris Kluwe is the punter on the Minnesota Vikings so, you know, he’s not THAT cool. When he’s not being pushed around by the bigger boys on the team or getting ready for the 5 plays a game he’ll be involved in, Kluwe has another skill, one that doesn’t translate too much onto the field, he’s an incredible Guitar Hero player.
Kluwe believes he’s one of the top 100 players in the world on the game; among his exploits are having beaten the Guiness World Record holder and getting picked up by Activision (the game’s manufacturer) to play as a ringer in a contest the company held.
Joe Knapp, a Vikings fan and patron at the restaurant where Kluwe was “rocking out” the other day for the article, was definitely impressed by Kluwe’s prowess. “I’ve actually been to some tournaments at the malls and stuff like that. I’ve never seen anybody that good, that quick. A lot of people have trouble playing on medium or hard. He’s playing on expert. For a guy that basically has a full-time job (with the Vikings), that’s pretty impressive.” Knapp than admitted that he can’t get past the easy level and broke down in tears describing the Guitar Hero tournaments at the local Gamestop as the greatest moments of his life and something about how he’ll never know such happiness again.
04
Aug
08
Hack the Planet!
According to that bastion of hard-hitting journalism, The Sun, Jessica Simpson has been using a webcam to stay in touch with her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo as training camp gets underway. However, she isn’t just checking in about the weather and what T.O. is wearing, she’s been doing sexy-style strip teases for him. The story quotes one of her “pals” as saying “Jess has no problem showing Tony her favorite ‘Pussycat Dolls’ routine. She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy.” Which makes her a totally awesome girlfriend but does show that her friends are total scumbags. The “friend” added: “Jess does get paranoid, making sure Tony doesn’t have any of his Cowboys buddies peeking in on the show.”
Well, I challenge you readers to make Jessica Simpson’s paranoia real, no, not about her creepy Dad and about why he cut that hole in the bathroom to watch her showering, but instead, we must harness our powers together and somehow hack into that webcam stream. That video could be worth millions! C’mon gang let’s work together!
01
Aug
08
So Long Manny
I’m going to miss you Manny.
You were one of my favorite all time Red Sox, and much like the Nomar trade this one is hard to take. That said, intellectually I understand and appreciate the move Theo and the front office made. Jason Bay is one of the few players I would have wanted to come replace Manny next season, and instead we get a chance to test-drive him and see how he fits with this team. I’m sad to see someone whose number should have been retired as a Red Sox go off and play for Joe Torre of all people, but Manny wants his money and so he’s off on that adventure. I’m gonna miss him, his big at-bats, the watching of home runs, the sidearm flips in to second base to throw a runner out and all the goofy stuff in between. Manuelito, you will be missed but I can’t help feeling like this team is going to start playing better without you. I hope that’s true. I do know that I feel lucky that I got to see Manny Ramirez’ final home run as a Red Sox player in person on Monday. So long Manuelito, Red Sox Nation is going to miss you.
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