The Slanch Report

Apparently, racing dogs through a vast snowy landscape and through blistering cold can make you go a little bit crazy, who knew? Current Iditarod race leader Lance Mackey reported from the course that he saw an apparition the other day along the track.

Fatigue can do funny things to long-distance mushers, Mackey said. On Thursday night, he was riding the sled and saw a girl sitting by the side of the trail doing something, probably knitting.

“She laughed at me, waved, and I went by her and she was gone,” Mackey said of his hallucination. “You just laugh.”

Do you know how hard it is to find good hallucinogens these days? And these mushers are getting the good stuff, FOR FREE! I’m pissed no one told me about this until now. It turns out that Mackey isn’t the only one who this happens to, apparently it is very common among dog sledders. For instance, via Help Sled Dogs comes these other stories:

• “I was exhausted and had already begun to hallucinate during the last hour of traveling, seeing the small people of the woods, hearing low-flying airplanes in the middle of the night.”
• “I’ve seen villages, freight trains and cabins that were not there”
• “I saw animals-a rock pile became a bison, a stump became a moose.”
• “I was home from school, about 7 years old, standing in my grandmother’s kitchen with my chin just about counter height, watching, smelling while Granny slathered a slice of homemade bread with bacon grease.”
• “And then I began to hallucinate. I saw people standing beside the trail, never anyone I recognized. They talked and laughed among themselves like they were waiting for my arrival at a nonexistent checkpoint. I turned and as the light of my headlamp swept over them they stopped talking and turned their heads to stare at me as we passed. Sometimes they were back from the trail and I only heard voices, catching snippets of conversations, never any intelligible words, but I assumed they were talking about me.”

I had no idea that all I needed to do to trip balls was go into the wilderness of Alaska and nearly die thanks to exposure. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out all this time. This is just like that time when I learned how to make prison wine using a trash bag, some bread and kool-aid, no more Thunderbird for me! To think every time I wanted to hallucinate before I had to lick a frog, which is hard to come across in NYC., not to mention the warts…

Well, sign me up for next year’s race, sure I don’t like dogs and have never done any similar type race before, but I got the heart of a champion and the intense desire to hallucinate an eagle flying down, speaking to me about the world economic markets and then painting a portrait of me. I’m a man with simple dreams.

[Fan IQ]