Archive for April, 2008

Next Entries »
03
Apr
08

Someone REALLY Liked The Squid and the Whale

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Basketball and Douches
Tags: , , , , , , ,
2239807678_652bdba924_o
“I just think Noah Baumbach’s work isn’t being appreciated enough”

Penn State basketball player Stanley Pringle decided to chip out his place in college basketball lore by using the stacks in the library for more than just browsing. Pulling out his classic cylindrical tube while trying to start a conversation with a woman was apparently not the way into her heart. It was however, his entré to be ridiculed on the internet and become (in)famous. According to the article, this was not the first time that Pringle reportedly has done this, as there was a similar incident with a similar description of said pervert’s actions but as of now Pringle isn’t being charged with distributing his salt and vinegar for that incident.

Thanks to The Big Lead

02
Apr
08

Wilt has Something for you to Lick

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Basketball
Tags: , ,
wiltintro

Wilt Chamberlain, famed cocksman, is being swept up in a grassroots campaign to get onto a postage stamp. The Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee every year considers proposals for various famous and celebrated Americans to receive their own stamps and reportedly he could be on a stamp as soon as 2010. The initial hope had been to get a stamp in time to commemorate the anniversary of Wilt’s record 100 point game on March 2, 1962 but since the committee only approves 4 stamps a year it might have to wait. However, if Wilt can just get a letter from every woman he’s nailed, he should be well on the way to a overwhelming majority vote in his favor.

02
Apr
08

But All That Precious Cat Gut!

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Tennis
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Mikhail Youzhny is a young Russian man who is ranked 11th in the ATP Men’s tennis rankings–ha, as if you didn’t already know! I know all my readers are rabid tennis-maniacs–who was playing in a match down in Miami the other day when he lost a point and took it quite personally. He ends up hurting himself so badly he is forced to take a timeout so he can be treated by a trainer to staunch the blood! 39 seconds into this video you’ll see what I mean.

See, this is why I’ve always said, “Never play tennis, backgammon or roulette with a Russian, or else someone’s head will bleed.” It’s my only credo.

02
Apr
08

Hey Joe Blanton, What’s That on the Brim of Your Hat?

By slanch 21 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Conspiracies
Tags: , , , , ,

3347049611_7cf5c2ca2a

I am no expert, but watching the Red Sox-A’s game tonight, I noticed something extremely odd about Joe Blanton’s hat. He kept going to it, often multiple times during an at-bat, and then, at one point, the camera zoomed in on his face and I noticed something very peculiar about the brim of his hat. I have not doctored or edited these photos in any way. Is it me, or is there a distinctly brown section on his hat. Not only that, but isn’t that the section that he keeps going to? Again, I’m not saying that this is definitely pine tar, but that’s what it looks like to me. If anyone has any information, or outlandish theories, please send them in. To me, it looks like there is definitely something not allowed on his hat. It is too localized to be merely a sweat stain from his head. I suppose it is possible that the mark is sweat from his fingers, but I don’t think it is. Check it out and make your own decisions…3347051045_b04eca47f73347050075_7c86287d6c3347886034_f33054196d

Note: these pictures are not immediately following one another but are taken at several points in the game, particularly the 5th inning following Jacoby Ellsbury’s RBI single.

01
Apr
08

Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags: , , , , , , ,

When his first book Juiced, came out, Jose Canseco was ultimately proved to have spoken the truth. When he named names they checked out as steroid users (including an off-hand mention of some 7 time Cy Young winner who is a fat greedy man.)

Now, Jose, desperate and with an ax to grind against MLB Jose proclaimed that Alex Rodriguez and Magglio Ordonez were two other players that he KNEW did steroids in his newest book, Vindicated.

However, if he were so sure, since he was personally involved, why did he wait until now to mention them? Were A-Rod and Maggs unknowns then? No, they were both big-name stars, who would have only helped sell his book even more than just the tales of shooting Mcgwire with steroids in a bathroom stall. So that’s the suspicious thing number 1.

Jose has unabashedly admitted that part of the reason he is writing the book is because he feels that he was unfairly blackballed from baseball because of his steroid past. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but as an industry that is trying to clean itself up, it is probably best not to keep hiring a player whose skills were eroding and whose negative media attention would only be a distraction. Joseph Hazelwood captained the Exxon Valdez into a reef, strangely, he was not seen as an eminently hire-able ship captain after that. Was that so unfair?

Continue reading ‘Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?’

01
Apr
08

Fenway Franks, Now Without Pig Intestine!

By slanch 5 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Boston
Tags: , , , , ,

At long last, Fenway is undergoing the necessary changes to become a modern baseball stadium. Originally built in 1912, there are some extremely outdated things about the stadium that need to be upgraded. Of course, I’m referring to the fact that for the first time, Fenway, which reportedly sells the most hot dogs of any baseball stadium is adding a new item to the menu; Kosher hot dogs, available from a vending machine.
Yum!

The front of the vending machine, Kosher dogs available 24/6!

The vending machine was recently demonstrated for Aramark and Fenway execs, who wore Red Sox yarmulkes for the taste-test. “We were very impressed,” Haggerty said. “It was a very interesting and unique machine and . . . the hot dogs were very tasty.”

Wayne Feder, the creator of the machine reportedly “first eyed Kosher Vending Industries because his children’s Jewish day school, the Maimonides School in Brookline, lacked a hot lunch program.” [emphasis added]

I think it is safe to say that very few schools across the country offer the hot lunch program. Although, I definitely can think of at least one…

Next Entries »

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

April 2008
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

Categories