I’m so very confused.
Saw this photo over at Barstool Sports, I’m still totally unsure as to why basketball All Stars Steve Nash and Baron Davis are riding a tandem bike around Santa Monica dressed like giant nerds, but hey, why not!
Feel free to come up with some good captions or explanations for whatever the hell is going on here.
According to NBA Commissioner David Stern, the officiating in the league is not a problem. Sure Tim Donaghy was arrested and has since accused other officials of fixing games as well as accusing the league of manipulating outcomes for better ratings, but that doesn’t mean there is a problem.
In this year’s Finals when the Lakers needed to get a win, every NBA commentator joked that Bennett Salvatore (the most notoriously bad, home-crowd favoring ref in the league) would be working the game; they didn’t think it would happen, then he actually reffed (poorly, obviously) multiple games! Of course, with Salvatore having been mentioned specifically by Donaghy, you’d think the NBA wouldn’t want to throw him right out there. Nope! Because there is nothing wrong with the officials.
Since nothing is wrong, the NBA has hired former 2-star General Ronald L. Johnson to the newly created position of Senior Vice President of Referee Operations. Johnson just recently retired from the Army after serving 32 years as a combat engineer.
“As I leave the military and return to civilian life, I can’t imagine a more interesting and challenging position,” Johnson said in a league statement. “Although I don’t have a basketball background, other than as a lifelong fan, I am confident that my experience as an Army commander and engineer has equipped me to bring leadership and innovation to the NBA’s exceptional officiating program.”
After all, nothing is wrong. That’s why they brought in someone with zero basketball experience and created a whole new job for him, because the refs are so talented. David Stern says in his statement, “our referees are the best in the world but they never stop striving to improve and Ron has made a career out of getting the very best out of people. We are fortunate to have someone of such extraordinary accomplishment joining our staff.” See, they’re the best!
I always find that the Army is only brought in when nothing is wrong. In fact, the Army always brings peace, prosperity and happiness along with enough hot cocoa for everyone to have some. According to the NBA “Johnson will relocate from Alexandria, Va., to work in the NBA’s New York headquarters.” No word yet if he will be greeted as a liberator or a conquerer.
Last night’s NBA draft was not especially exciting–besides the top couple of players everyone takes 3-5 years to develop as opposed to seniors stepping in ready to play. There were several trades though, the most interesting was the trade between the Minnesota Timberwolves and the Memphis Grizzlies where the key pieces were the trading of third pick OJ Mayo for fifth pick Kevin Love.
Thanks to the trade the league was robbed of a great new possible advertising campaign: The 2009 Memphis Grizzlies, where Gay-Love Happens!
Turns out Bill Simmons and I think alike (Scroll down to 5:23)
I remember being a little kid falling asleep as Johnny Most’s raspy voice called the game. I remember watching games on TV and emulating Most’s voice as I called the game myself. I remember my first Celtics game when my Dad offered to buy me a shirt of any player I wanted. “I was going to get a Larry Bird one, but then I remembered that Dee Brown is my favorite player,” I told my family later. (That shirt was dope though, it was black and had Dee with his no-look dunk for the slam-dunk competition, plus I had the same Reebok Pumps!) I remember getting Reggie Lewis’ autograph because I won a readathon for MS. I remember Chris Ford’s hair. I remember Reggie Lewis’ death. I remember the Celtics drafting Acie Earl. I remember when ML Carr did an excellent job of tanking so we could get Tim Duncan. I remember the shock of the Spurs winning the lottery. I choose to not remember the Rick Pitino era. I refuse to remember Vitaly Potapenko, Kenny Anderson, Ron Mercer, Andrew DeClerq, Tyrus Edney, Pervis Ellison and Zan Tabak. I remember Antoine’s wiggle. I remember Paul Pierce shooting jumpers yelling out the names of the 9 players drafted ahead of him. I remember Paul Pierce getting stabbed in the stomach and playing two weeks later. I remember that without Tony Battie last night couldn’t have happened. I remember not being able to watch anymore because the team was so hapless. I remember hoping for a resurgence with Greg Oden. I remember trying to convince myself that Yi Jianlian might be the next Yao.
I’ll remember 17.
I watched every game, fell asleep as a little kid to the Celtics, the Bruins, the Red Sox and woke up every Sunday to the Patriots. I remember when the Bruins playoff streak ended, when the Red Sox suffered through the Butch Hobson era and when the Patriots went 1-15. The only thing that upsets me is that I spent my first 18 years of life in Boston and no team ever won a championship. For the last 8 years I have lived in New York state, since that time, Boston has won 3 Superbowls, 2 World Series and an NBA Championship. Hell even the Revolution have been in the finals in 2002, 2005, 2006, 2007–although they seem to be the Buffalo Bills of soccer. I’m not sure I can ever move back, I don’t want to ruin this streak of excellence.
Boston once more is the City of Champions. And I couldn’t be happier to be forever a Bostonian.
Tonight is game 6 in the NBA finals, the Celtics are vying for their 17th banner; the universe has arranged itself appropriately for this exact moment. Today’s date? 6/17. Game 6, 17th banner. It will happen. It HAS to happen!
Also today would have been Doc Rivers’ father’s birthday who passed away in November. If you’re a gambler, bet it all on the Celts tonight, it’s in the bag.
LET’S GO CELTICS! BEAT LA!
President Bush was in Belfast the other day and showed off his basketball prowess which is roughly equivalent to his ability as a world leader. Check out how he tosses the ball to the kids, that’s some coordination there… sigh, only 6 more months. 6 more months…
T.J. Simers is a columnist for the Los Angeles Times sports section who gets paid to bloviate, and so I can understand why he’d get angry when other people do it for free and are better at it than he is. That said, his column today is in reference to Curt Schilling who wrote a post on his blog, 38Pitches, about his experience sitting courtside next to the Lakers bench at game 2. TJ though didn’t take too kindly to Schilling’s admittedly uninformed statements. Schilling’s main point was that he was completely astounded by the fact that Kobe was a petulant whiny little girl throughout the game, glaring angrily at his teammates and generally being the uber-douche that everyone claims him to be. Curt was surprised by how poor a teammate Kobe was being, particularly in contrast to the other members of the team.
I have no idea how the guys in the NBA play or do things like this, but I thought it was a fascinating bit of insight for me to watch someone in another sport who is in the position of a team leader and how he interacted with his team and teammates. Watching the other 11 guys, every time out it was high fives and “Hey nice work, let’s get after it” or something to that affect. He walked off the floor, obligatory skin contact on the high five, and sat on the bench stone faced or pissed off, the whole game.
That’s not exactly the work of a team leader is it? But TJ Simers doesn’t think that is a fair assessment at all, starting out his article with the words of a man who wants to cross the divide:
Curt Schilling is gutless.
He sits courtside in Boston for Game 2, eavesdropping on the Lakers’ bench — and how would he like someone listening to what they have to say in the Red Sox dugout, and then makes it appear on his blog, “38 Pitches,” that Kobe Bryant is some kind of jerk who berates his teammates.
Well, I have two things to say, regarding both of those statements.
So, that’s a good start to an article. I mean, both of your points are wrong, and you’ve resorted to cheap insults to boot. WOW! What expansive and beautiful writing! I’m sure the Los Angeles Times is overjoyed to have a man who can write such uplifting and carefully crafted phrases on the payroll. H.L Mencken would be glad to see that a strong newspaper tradition continues, especially in Los Angeles where television and film can so easily otherwise overshadow. Continue reading ‘TJ Simers is Where the LA Times Keeps the Douches’
It’s championship time for the NBA and of course, that leads to some fun craigslist postings. For example, a Medford, MA man posted an ad asking for tickets to an upcoming Celtics game, in exchange for his “hot” wife. Kyle Carter, the classy man in question said in a local interview that this is merely for a dinner date–no promises of hot wife-y action. Carter apparently has a very relaxed wife. “At first she said, ‘Oh, no, there’d be too many crazy people calling us. But she said she’d be open to it. And some of the guys who responded seem pretty normal.” Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Medford, the first thing to know is the way to pronounce it. Anyone from there would never pronounce the actual word as it is spelled, instead it comes out more as “MehFuhd.” Also, the stereotypical Bostonian with the accent, every group of friends with a Murph or a Sully, etc. is from the “lovely” town of Medford.
For Carter, this is less about pimping his wife out to strangers as it is about as the opportunity to support the Celtics. “I was a fan ever since I was a kid and I’m in my 30s now. I remember watching them play the Lakers in the ’80s. Now with them in the finals, you get caught up in the excitement and you want to go to the game, but you can’t get a ticket. You can only afford a couple of games anyway if you’re an average guy and that’s quite unfair.” I totally agree, ticket prices have served to price the average fan out of most major events these days. However, at the same time, I don’t know that pimping one’s “hot” wife is the proper way to get around those prices, especially because every girl I know from Mehfuhd attended classes at Busted University and all of them graduated Sigma Cum Laude.
Mr. Romantic and his wife are hopeful that a normal, nice man will step up and give him tickets. After having waited in 12 hour lines and attempting to win tickets in other ways, this might be Carter’s last chance. “I’m just a hardworking guy who wants to get out there and support his team.”
Celtics fans are not alone in playing around on Craigslist regarding the basketball games though. LA fans are apparently hungry and eager for blowjobs regarding the game.
Continue reading ‘The NBA Finals: Where Craigslist Blowjobs Happen’
My last doppelgangers post was well-received, and fun to do, and so, with some reader suggestions from Theroomate and Myummers and some of my own, here are several more doppelgangers for you to enjoy. I’ve decided also that since I enjoy these I’m going to set up a permanent page at the top of the screen with all of the doppelgangers we come up with. So any suggestions or whatever send me a note and I’ll get ’em up right away. Anyhoo, enjoy!
Mike Lowell looks like he should be wearing a tuxedo at all times because he’s totally debonair, George Clooney gets to wear those tuxes and with their salt and pepper beards and hair it’s just possible that they are brothers…
Nothing strikes more fear in the hearts of the residents of Elm Street more than Freddy Krueger, Red Sox fans for the last few years have known that exact same feeling of abject terror every time the bullpen door swung open for Julian Tavarez. Fortunately, now he has been banished to the wasteland known as Brewer’s baseball and Freddy went into space to fight Jason and hasn’t been heard from since…
Nothing beats the smooth taste and flavor of Camel cigarettes, at least according to the many advertisements from the cigarette company. Andy Pettite smoothly deflected the fact that he is a a cheating, needle-using pitcher and has been accepted widely back into the fold of the Yankees without much comment.
David Ortiz makes all of Red Sox nation happy with his clutch heroics and huge smile. Shrek was an ogre with a big heart and delights children of all ages. Dreamworks definitely used Ortiz as the model.
True story: these three men have never been in the same place at the same time. We should all be thankful that Geoff Jenkins of the Phillies, Green Bay “retiree” Brett Favre and actor Max Martini of The Unit (not watching it? You really should) have all chosen to divide the country in thirds, Jenkins gets the east coast, Farve the middle and Martini the west, otherwise who knows what could happen.
Sure, Andrew Shue is less known for his “acting” abilities or his brief career as a professional soccer player and more known for his delectable sister, Elizabeth Shue, but he can always take solace in being mistaken on the street for either Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina or Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus. They’ve both been All-Stars! (Although don’t expect to see them on any future All-Star teams)
Rajon Rondo is a crafty hoopster, he loves to slice through the defense, drive towards the basket and then dish the ball back out to someone who can actually shoot the ball. Ants love to make holes and go through them in order to eat that entire box of oreos that I was saving but then forgot about and now are ruined. Antz was a movie.
Lance Berkman began 2008 on a torrid pace, spraying hits and homers all over the field. Tony Stewart is one of the top drivers in Nascar and when he wins he gets to spray–bukkake style–beer or champagne or milk all over his pit crew. Seems fair to me.
Being stuck on an island with Gilligan couldn’t have been easy. The more important question is if Gilligan was so useless and frustrating to the Skipper, why was he the only crewman he had? Charlie Manuel manages the Phillies, has one of the best giant guts in baseball and a fiery personality.
Ronnie Craven is a man who likes to use Craigslist to find women for him to woo. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, except that he likes to pretend that he is a member of the front office staff of the Seattle Supersonics. “I am going to be honest with you. I don’t work for them,” Craven told a Seattle Post-Intelligencer reporter, “(The situation was) all brought on by an online dating thing. Craigslist. I lied to her. Does that mean I can go out there and represent the Sonics? No. Does that mean that I did it to get some (sex)? Absolutely.”
It seems that Ronnie cravenly told his local paper about how he worked with the Sonics, even being featured in an article, and fine fact-checking that they did, no one ever realized that he was lying. To the woman he was dating, he told her that he was Jeff Turner, a former NBA player.
At other times Craven presented himself to friends and acquaintances as a longtime friend of Sonics GM Sam Presti, even claiming that he had served as a scout and as an assistant coach for several games this season. At the Seattle Athletic Club he told players in a pickup game that he was Todd Lichti, another former NBA player, of course, Lichti is only 6′ 4″ and Craven is 6′ 8″…
When the woman confronted Craven about his dishonesty, he immediately apologized, she said. “He said doesn’t know why he did it, yada, yada, yada. This guy really went above and beyond. I knew nothing about basketball and he said, ‘Great, because I hate talking about basketball and girls wanting to be with me just because I was a player.’ ” Craven admitted that he wasn’t Jeff Turner, but continued to insist that he had played 12 years in the NBA.
Craven proclaims that he never presented himself as a Sonics employee when interviewed by Jack Nikas, a Boston University student and reporter for the Somerville News who did the story on Craven. However, “according to Nikas, Craven walked into the newspaper’s office wearing a Sonics coaching shirt and told Nikas he was a coach and scout. He claimed he met Presti when the Sonics GM was a youth basketball player and tried recruiting Presti to Framingham State, a Division III school 25 miles west of Boston where Craven said he was the head coach.”
The Somerville story apparently was precipitated by emails that Craven’s former girlfriend believes he in fact sent to the newspaper, something which Craven denies. Ronnie Craven remains all class though, telling the Seattle P-I, “I’ll admit, it was a hoax. It was all a put-on. But somebody who I met on a dating site is trying to sabotage me. This is some broad that I lied to who said I did identity theft, (and) I am not going to know what hit me. There was no intimacy in the relationship. I never tapped her.”
I’m sure she’s very thankful for that. “To be honest with you, this whole thing has already taken its toll,” Craven continued, “I know my credibility doesn’t look so great right now. This is embarrassing for me. At this point, I don’t know what to do. I will say this is very, very disturbing.”
The Celtics, after losing the game prior, were feeling pretty down, that is, until they watched Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey and realized who they were missing. STATION! The team’s missing link has been found! Sam Cassell and this trainer guy will form together an unstoppable titan.
April 20th is always a wonderful day of the year, the sky is blue, the trees seem extra green and leafy and in the sports world there are games in nearly all the major sports. With the baseball season getting under way and playoff series in basketball and hockey the TV set can truly turn into quite the hotbox as you switch from channel to channel.
For example, for the Chicago White Sox, finally ending a personal 11 game loss streak, John Danks tossed out a three-hit, eight strikeout 7 inning gem. Danks threw quite the heady game, taking control of his slide piece and then overpowering the Iblisian Rays by blowing smoke past them.
In the basketball arena, the Los Angeles Lakers overpowered the eighth seeded Denver Nuggets to the tune of 128-114. This afternoon the Nugs looked sluggish, blurry eyed and and the Lakers seemed hungry for something to munch on. The Lakers bonged the Nuggets’ collective bells, hitting the glass pieces as hard as possible and out-rebounded them en route to their victory. One can only imagine Phil Jackson went home after the game and lit up a giant hand-rolled leaf and enjoyed the moment, as one does.
Continue reading ‘Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!’
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
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