The Slanch Report

T.J. Simers is a columnist for the Los Angeles Times sports section who gets paid to bloviate, and so I can understand why he’d get angry when other people do it for free and are better at it than he is. That said, his column today is in reference to Curt Schilling who wrote a post on his blog, 38Pitches, about his experience sitting courtside next to the Lakers bench at game 2. TJ though didn’t take too kindly to Schilling’s admittedly uninformed statements. Schilling’s main point was that he was completely astounded by the fact that Kobe was a petulant whiny little girl throughout the game, glaring angrily at his teammates and generally being the uber-douche that everyone claims him to be. Curt was surprised by how poor a teammate Kobe was being, particularly in contrast to the other members of the team.

I have no idea how the guys in the NBA play or do things like this, but I thought it was a fascinating bit of insight for me to watch someone in another sport who is in the position of a team leader and how he interacted with his team and teammates. Watching the other 11 guys, every time out it was high fives and “Hey nice work, let’s get after it” or something to that affect. He walked off the floor, obligatory skin contact on the high five, and sat on the bench stone faced or pissed off, the whole game.

That’s not exactly the work of a team leader is it? But TJ Simers doesn’t think that is a fair assessment at all, starting out his article with the words of a man who wants to cross the divide:

Curt Schilling is gutless.

He sits courtside in Boston for Game 2, eavesdropping on the Lakers’ bench — and how would he like someone listening to what they have to say in the Red Sox dugout, and then makes it appear on his blog, “38 Pitches,” that Kobe Bryant is some kind of jerk who berates his teammates.

Well, I have two things to say, regarding both of those statements.

1. Does this look like a man who is “gutless?”



2. Yeah, Kobe would never be a complete asshole to his teammates, that’s ridiculous!

So, that’s a good start to an article. I mean, both of your points are wrong, and you’ve resorted to cheap insults to boot. WOW! What expansive and beautiful writing! I’m sure the Los Angeles Times is overjoyed to have a man who can write such uplifting and carefully crafted phrases on the payroll. H.L Mencken would be glad to see that a strong newspaper tradition continues, especially in Los Angeles where television and film can so easily otherwise overshadow. But I digress, I mean, after all, Simers is merely trying to make a point right, and as a columnist sometimes he needs to be a little edgier to grab attention, right? So let’s continue reading his article:

But whatever, there’s no bigger sissy than a hit-and-run blogger.
If Schilling has got something to write, let’s see him come to Los Angeles, stand outside the Lakers’ locker room and get cussed out by Vanessa Bryant like every other blogger. Talk about bloody socks.

Hahahahaha, how true! I mean, after all, bloggers are losers who write in their underwear, right? I can’t believe he hasn’t broken out the mother’s basement line yet, you just know he wanted to use it too! But of course, Curt Schilling makes millions of dollars and doesn’t live at home anymore, so I guess that wouldn’t make sense. And he’s totally a sissy! Like that time he pitched with a torn tendon in his ankle, what a fucking pussy! Or all those times he stood in at bat against major league pitchers, sure he only hits .151 but I don’t recall TJ ever getting into the box against a major league pitcher, let alone, nearly 800 times. But sure, sissy. Moving on. So your opinion is that if someone has something to say, the only way they should do so would be to go to the locker room and say it to their face. Well, let’s look at that statement. First of all, Schilling was there as a fan, not as a writer, and he merely said his opinion based on his experiences in a different team sport. In TJ Simers’ mind, all fans therefore should be outside the locker room waiting to speak to Kobe. Sounds like a good plan to me! I for one am in favor of it, but that’s more because I’d love the chance to get it on with Kobe’s wife, she’s hottttt! Oh wait! I shouldn’t have said that because I’m on the east coast!!!! ARG! Also, Simers and his daughter host a radio show together (adorable), does he never state opinions there? Does he only do so to people’s faces? What about appearances on a TV show like Around the Horn? I somehow doubt that.

Simers goes on saying, “[Schilling] seemed to go out of his way to irritate Bryant, and I can’t imagine anyone doing that.” Well, first off, that’s not really a complete thought, so you know, boffo on the top-line writing there. Are you actually getting paid for this? And secondly, if Kobe Bryant is really worried about the things that a Red Sox pitcher who’s currently on the DL is saying, than frankly, I think the Lakers need to be extremely worried. Kobe is the MVP, he’s supposed to be the best player in the league, but sure, Curt Schilling is going to completely sway Kobe into sadness. Makes sense to me!

Now, to be fair, Schilling is known for bloviating of his own at times, but what made his blog entry interesting was that it was his personal view of the game, seen through the eyes of a basketball neophyte but someone who is well-versed in professional team sports. That, to me, was interesting because Schilling is recognized as a leader and was interested in seeing how another leader handled a championship situation. In Schilling’s mind, Kobe didn’t handle it well. That was Schilling’s opinion. I’m sure Murph and Sully up in the rafters of the Garden felt the same way, but you don’t see them getting a column full of hot air from a crotchety newspaperman.

Whateves, I’m not impressed by TJ Simers (which is I know exactly what he was going for, to impress me!) and his article was asinine and off-base. But then again, I’m just a sissy blogger. Albeit one who took 4 years of karate at the YMCA 15 years ago, so be warned!